How do you cope when your 3 year old has dropped their nap...

[Teapleasevicar0]

DD was a great napper at home, used to sleep 1-3pm and still fall asleep at 7pm for bed. Last few weeks she hasn't napped, I gave up trying after two weeks as I didn't want her to think I wanted her to be out the way. But honestly, I'm struggling. The time she napped was the time I could eat, have a cuppa or do a work out or just catch up with stuff. The days feel so long now.. This morning she was awake at 6am..i left her a bit until 6.40am until she was shouting for me.. Bought her into my bed and just stuck children's Netflix on my phone and we got up at 7.45am. I feel like such a crap parent. I like to keep fit so am having to work out after she goes to sleep at 7pm and don't sit and eat till late. The days just feel significantly longer. I'm a single parent too with no help.. How did you cope?

If she is happy in her room with a book, don't feel guilty! It's good for her to have quiet time to process everything.

As a parent it us ok to have needs. You are a human.

It is not child abuse to let
Your child have some fun watching tv or with the tablet. It keeps you both sane. If she is out at childcare five days a week some downtime at home and tv time will do her no harm at all.

Also, if you feel guilty about it do it in shorter
Bursts. 30 mins first thing for mum to do jobs. 30 mins around lunch for mum
To have a cuppa. 1 hour before tea for mum
To do a workout.

People with a partner take a newspaper for a shit, my personal favourite was to hide upstairs 'putting laundry away', they go and 'tidy the garage'. They find an urgent thing to nip out and go to the corner shop for. As well as using distractions. We all do it. And its much harder for you with one pair of hands.

You sound like a lovely, kind, hardworking caring mum so cut yourself some slack.

@isitweds9thseptyet

As a parent it us ok to have needs. You are a human.

It is not child abuse to let
Your child have some fun watching tv or with the tablet. It keeps you both sane. If she is out at childcare five days a week some downtime at home and tv time will do her no harm at all.

Also, if you feel guilty about it do it in shorter
Bursts. 30 mins first thing for mum to do jobs. 30 mins around lunch for mum
To have a cuppa. 1 hour before tea for mum
To do a workout.

People with a partner take a newspaper for a shit, my personal favourite was to hide upstairs 'putting laundry away', they go and 'tidy the garage'. They find an urgent thing to nip out and go to the corner shop for. As well as using distractions. We all do it. And its much harder for you with one pair of hands.

You sound like a lovely, kind, hardworking caring mum so cut yourself some slack.

Thank you x this means a lot xxx

My DS is 4 in December and still napping, but I think he will be done soon. I will be so sad when he stops!!

Re workouts, in lockdown I did PE with joe and he used to "join in" (mostly by running laps around me, but he was occupied while I worked out.) They're quite fun for children and still available on you tube. We also do cosmic yoga together, although often it ends up with me doing the yoga and him watching her on the tv upside down in downward dog!

As for what to do when they're awake all day, I have no idea..... toddler groups in the morning, lunch and cartoons, followed by the playground and errands is my plan. And upping his nursery hours!

What everyone else said.

If you don't already have one, a gro clock is great for helping them understand set sleep/rest times (there are nighttime and nap time settings) or alternatively you could use a visual timer.

So you could introduce quiet time after lunch... I would start with a shorter period (eg 30 minutes) and gradually increase it to a longer period if she will tolerate it (eg up to 60 minutes).

Something like a Yoto Player could work well, she can choose to listen to the radio, podcast or Yoto cards (stories, music or meditations).

You could set up a cosy nook in her bedroom with a teepee or play tent, cushions, low lighting, a pile of books, etc.

Perhaps if she's tired she might end up dozing off but if not at least she'd be resting a bit.

Put the monitor on and just get on with your workout. Banish the guilt!!

And if all else fails, nothing wrong with a bit of TV or (child-safe) tablet time

You've been pretty lucky to get to 3yrs and still had a break in the day. My ds gave up at 2yrs. We have 'quiet time' with screen instead.

I think you've had a good run too! My son stopped naps at 24 months.

I get about the long days though and being a single parent. I work mornings now but on the weekends and afternoons I just try to stretch things out. Like nipping to the supermarket. Then back home. Then later on for a walk or to the park etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is its not so much the lack of nap.. It's the length of day and now being completely non stop. I'm not a single parent, I'm a lone parent. She literally only has just me. There's no partner to give me a break or to take over. No grandparents around to help. No immediate family. I have to work as well so I feel like it's double the responsibility. I didn't begrudge myself the 2 hours she used to nap as a break as that's literally the only time I ever had to myself. Now everything is do stressful, even drinking a cup of tea.. I can't sit down without being climbed on and her sticking her face into my cup.. I will try making nap time a quiet time though. Sounds a good idea.

Good luck OP, it is really hard and I totally get what you mean about the days feeling so long, that was a real shock to me. And I’m not even a lone parent, so hats off to you.

Definitely don't feel bad about a bit of TV or quiet time in their room. You could look into quiet time packs with different toys than usual.

I gave her toy box a rotate and she's playing with some toys she forgot about.. I had a little sit down whilst she played. Feel a bit better now.
I think next weekend I'll try the quiet time and bringing bedtime forward by half an hour x she's great after I put her down. She just chats to herself and her teddies and puts herself to sleep.

I know OP it is hard. I said single parent but I don't have grandparents or anyone to help either. And it's really tough. Especially those moments when you're ill or need emergency childcare and there just isn't anyone.

It is really hard. I have a DH but pre-Covid he was out of the house for 10-12 hours a day so no chance of giving me a break. And we have no family help as they're all more than 4 hours away.

What I found helpful was structuring the day so it didn't feel so long and relentless. Had a Groclock and DD wasn't allowed out of her room before 7am. Went out to a toddler group or the library for 10am every day which got us out of the house and meant she was causing chaos somewhere other than at home - plenty of room to run around in the various church halls those were in whilst I could have tea and cake! Then did any shopping needed on way home. Lunch, followed by 'quiet time', which was time for recharging batteries. Then you only have to get thru tea and bedtime (and I only did a bath once a week unless I absolutely had to).

Any chore I could do with DD around I did - so unload the dishwasher and got her to 'help' with plastic things, non-sharp utensils etc. It takes longer but they enjoy thinking they're 'helping' and it means it's not taking up your alone time. I had the 'Tickle fingers' toddler cook book so if there was something she could 'help' with food prep she did.

An experienced foster mum at one of the groups was incredibly helpful. She emphasised that you don't have to be playing and interacting with them all the time - you make sure they're in a safe environment and let them get on with it. Initially that'll only be for a few minutes but it will increase and give you bigger chunks of time.

I only got six months' use out of it before Covid but the leisure centre crèche was absolutely amazing. You couldn't book them in for more than two hours and had to stay on site (so no good for childcare to cover a dental appt etc) but it was fantastic to book her in for two hours, go for a swim, then sit in the cafe using the WiFi to get on with some work or life admin with a coffee. Our local one also had a soft play so sometimes she'd do two hours in crèche, then an hour's soft play and I'd have almost three hours (admittedly not at home!) to get some exercise and then get on with stuff.

The thing is this day was always going to come, none of them nap indefinitely. That’s why instigating ‘quiet time’ is a good idea, as it should still give you a bit of a breather.