Tips for raising a bilingual child

[bubblepond]

We are expecting our first baby in March 2022. DH speaks 3 languages fluently - his mother tongue, then French (the language he completed all his schooling in), and then English.

We are planning on trying to raise the baby to be bilingual - by me speaking solely in English to baby, and DH speaking solely in French. We expect baby will pick up bits of his mother tongue from hearing extended family speak it, but don't expect that they will speak it fluently.

At home, we use English at the moment. I do speak French, but not fluently. Should we try to speak more French at home between ourselves so that baby doesn't get exposed to one language more than the other?
We plan to buy books in French, watch TV in French etc. Is there anything else we can do to help?

We are also aware that babies who have 2 languages often speak later but for us the rewards later in life (plus more importantly, being able to better communicate with aunts/uncles etc) outweigh the risks.

Also worth noting, I watched a lot of German tv as a child and read German books which probably aided things too.

Everyone I know in the UK really struggled to get enough exposure to the minority language if they didn't speak it at home. I'm no expert but depending on how good your French is it might be worth you doing a mix of English and French if possible. Maybe only if your DH is around to correct your grammar!

What is DH’s native language, and why French rather than that with DC?

We do OPOL and it works but it is a slog. Reading materials in the minority language, classes in the minority language (easier in London etc), TV only in minority - fuck me if I ever need to hear Let It Go in Russian again, ever - actively seeking out other native speakers for playdates and so on.

DD is just four, and speaking and reading in both languages. We’ll hoping she’ll speak to her siblings in the minority language too. But you need to be very ready to put the work in.

Thanks so much for all of the responses! It looks like OPOL has worked for some but not being too strict has worked for others.

I do have a level of French where I can comfortably have a conversation and I can understand almost all of what is being said to me. Vocabulary is my issue rather than grasp of the language itself if that makes sense. It might work for us to have French as our language at home, but not necessarily full time.

DH and I will both work similar amounts and due to us both working shifts it's likely that (after maternity leave), DC will see us each for similar amounts of time which will be helpful.

@TheWayTheLightFalls DH's native language is Tamil, but the only setting in which he has spoken it since he was a toddler is in his immediate family home.
We think French will be more useful because we are likely to spend more holidays in France, and it will be useful for other European languages. All of DH's family live in France and likely DC's future cousins etc will speak better French than tamil. Also there isn't really a Tamil community where we live. So French just makes more sense :)

Agree with much of the above. DD is bilingual.
Consistency in the early years and don't allow people to say it's wrong that a French L1 speaker addresses their bilingual child in French in front of English people etc. (unless the non French speakers are also involved in the conversation)

Once the two languages have been hard-wired then it won't matter so much if French speaker speaks English as well as long as they are very proficient at it.

Friends of mine here in Italy both only spoke English to their daughter (Italian mother, Australian father) thinking that as the mother spoke very good English and English was the minority language, that would be best.
What actually happened was that when the child started school, her Italian wasn't up to scratch and she had to have Italian for L2 speaker lessons. She's now 18 and has caught up but it could have been avoided.

Another student of mine has a British father but he never spoke English to her at all so she does all the language school stuff and Cambridge ESOL exams.

Also worth reiterating that very few people get to be 100% bilingual. And not to worry about that. Acquiring (rather than learning) the other language still uses a different part of the brain and they'll still be way more proficient than someone who "studies" a language like my student above.

Unless you are fluent in French (and very fluent) then I'd leave the French to your DH and you can speak to the baby in English.
You will not be able to properly enjoy the kind of soft chit-chat that mums and babies / toddlers share in a language that isn't your mother tongue (things like saying "ooh look at that doggy", rather than "there's a dog" and "let's pop that bib on you" rather than "put a bib on").

That's not to say that you can't watch movies in French as a family / play board games in French and so on, or even talk in French as a family sometimes. But when it's just the two of you, communication will be most natural if you are using your mother tongue.

Agree - use your mother tongue when speaking to your DC. I'm fluent in French (have worked in French for 17 years) but am more at home saying things like "silly billy" "your tummy will go pop!" And stuff in English. Its natural. That and nursery rhymes etc.

Only 1 French word was adopted by myself and English grandparents: pipi! We decided itd be easier for the DC to use just one word when toilet training etc. And it's worked fine. They are 7 and 10 and know lots of different words for it in French and English....

I would avoid speaking French if you aren’t completely fluent as you won’t be able to provide the exposure to the rich and varied language you would in English and risk passing on mistakes, unnatural expressions, and poor pronunciation. I have seen this with Italian friends who have decent but not perfect English and who talk in English to their kids (quite fashionable here in Italy). You can facilitate the French exposure in other ways - videos and TV, groups, cds with songs. It’s also helpful that you understand French for when DC are at the stage of mixing the languages.

We live in Italy and do OPOL but DH and I speak English to each other. DS is completely bilingual at the moment and switches perfectly, but I think pushing the English will be more challenging once he’s at preschool. In my experience you have to give children a good reason to speak, otherwise they (understandably) go for the easiest option, so as much time abroad or with monolingual (minority language) family and friends as possible, groups or play dates with other families and kids who speak the minority language to normalise it, offering tempting tv/books/video games in the minority language if possible.

I agree with PP that unless you are very very fluent in French stock to OPOL this has been the most successful for my friends. If one langage gets a minority of the time try and supplement with films TV or books I’m in that language.

Most importantly when they start speaking in mixed sentences for r using grammatical constructs from one language with words from the other don’t panic and give up!

I'm bilingual myself.

When I was a child, I took French lessons at primary school and we spoke English and French at home. At dinner time we talked in French and English too. It does eventually become easier over time. In terms of what is essential, I will say the following two things are simply crucial to language learning-
Exposure
Experience and comfort level

You can technically do it alone. But I know that most parents find it much easier to send their kids to proper classes. You also need the right mindset. Find some storybooks etc in that language or see if you can find a partner who also speaks fluently. One helpful tip, try writing reports and letters in that language.

You can even hold play dates in French or whatever language you prefer to talk in. Screen foreign films, this is a great way to learn the vocabulary. When he is older, perhaps sign up for some formal lessons.

We are both English mother tongue but in a French speaking country. As above, pay attention to sensitive periods for language (0-6/7). We don't speak French to the children unless contextually relevant as we wish to reinforce English but we do socialise and they hear us speaking French regularly as we are active in our local community. They have a large French base of social groups.

DC now correct me and laugh about silly mummy's French

I also teach in an international school and we have two teachers per class. We teach the same curriculum but only speak our mother tongue. At first, some children can be surprised but it doesn't take them long.

Good luck and congratulations!

@solasum don't give up yet, you are just in a tough bit! It's totally normal to have phases where parent speaks to child in language 2, and gets a reply in language 1. If your DC did find himself fully immersed, he'd very very quickly get up to speed. If you can find him a social life in your DH's language that will help- but visiting your DH's family and hanging out with cousins will help. Don't give up yet!!! (My brother was like your DS- easier for my parents to power through as I was more confident in both languages... he's totally bilingual now as an adult)

@DustyDoorframes thank you. We will keep plugging away. It is just frustrating for all concerned. I think it is much easier when the mother is the minority language, as that way they get much much more of it.

I speak in the language I grew up with and dh speaks in English. Till ds started school he was equally fluent in both languages but now is much better at English. He can still understand the other language and converse in it even if his grammar isn't that great (it's got difficult grammar though anyway).

I still tryto speak mostly in my language but will switch to English when explaining or talking about more difficult concepts so it's not exactly 50:50.

He didn't start speaking early. He didn't say much before 14 months but then suddenly his vocabulary exploded and he's been a very confident and advanced talker since then.

I also got a lot of books in that language to read to him and sing songs in that language as well.

Exposure, exposure, exposure. The more if a language a child hears the more likely they are to learn it. Once they've learned it, the battle moves to forming positive associations with the language. No punishment for not speaking it

*the more of. Obviously I didn't have enough exposure to English!