Half sisters won’t see sister anymore

[Fitmumtiredmum]

My daughter is 5 and has a half sister who is 11 who lives a few hours drive away. As she’s gotten older we have seen less of her (every 6 weeks instead of every other week). We used to alternate going to her and her coming to us. She has suddenly said she doesn’t want to see our family because she wants to see her friends more (my husband only has her around 35/365 days after agreeing to reduce it down) and a couple of other non major excuses that all families have plus some total fabrications that we believe were planted by her mum (her mum has never been supportive in the relationship and has been quite alienating for the last 10years), she is totally ignoring her dad and any messages from her sister. It is totally out of character for her. During the first lockdown her mum stopped all contact for 4 months which really upset my daughter and his daughter was then even telling her dad he was risking her life by him wanting to see her during a pandemic!!

Her sister (my daughter) is totally heart broken and is having sleepless nights and worrying that we will leave her too. She’s known her sister since she was born. I am not sure what else to say to my 5yr old, I’ve known this was coming for a long time with the way her mum has been and I am worried about the impact on my daughter as well as the impact it may have on my husbands daughter when she’s older. For 10yrs he has been through court and been dedicated to keeping a regular contact despite the distance between them. He told his daughters mum that he was going to travel to them to try meet and talk and she said no and that his daughter also said no. He is wanting to do mediation but she is saying no. That means he’ll end up back in court and more extortionate bills. It’s now been months this has been going on. Does anyone have any experience with this and any positive outcomes?

Incase anyone is questioning there are no reasons why she would make this decision based on not being safe with us or for social services to be involved she has literally just changed suddenly after having an amazing holiday with us abroad and leaving saying she loved it, she couldn’t wait for the next visit etc. We are a decent family that she has always gotten on really well with and loved being with when she is with us.

We want her to be happy but also have to think about the happiness of my daughter. It seems like there is no compromising at the moment and she and her mum are calling all of the shots.

If your husband wants a relationship with his child, he has to go to court, end of story. He has to take the initiative here.

I feel at 11 years old she knows her own mind (even if it is influenced by her mum). I think going to court will only make her resent her dad more. I would keep contacting her and letting her know how much she is loved. I think he definitely needs to turn up unannounced at her house with a gift and try to sort something out rather than just leave it. I hope it gets sorted for you.

@Aquamarine1029 that is my gut feeling but they already have court orders in place and her mum is not following it, so I think they’ll just ignore it. The last time he tried to get them to enforce it and they said it wasn’t something they deal with and frown upon. The solicitor said unless it is around 20+ times she’s broken it they won’t even listen! The 11year old knows all about the court order that is in place but I get the feeling she’ll continue to fight against it now she’s had this sudden new lease of life to take control.

I hope so too, that is his current plan. He’s just worried as it’s a 4 hr drive and she may not be in, plus her and her mum are both totally ignoring his messages and calls completely. He’s going to go without our 5yr old to try and get some sort of contact even if it’s through the letter box.

@Fitmumtiredmum
Unfortunately at that age the courts will listen to what she wants so will be a waste of money to go back there.
My cousins two girls had a court order to be with there dad a week and there mum a week and it stopped around this age and his legal team told him kids where at the age the judge listens to what they want.

I hope he still gets a bit of contact agreed?My husband is actually fine to reduce contact even further if that’s what she wants but she won’t even communicate to work something out. Sadly it’s our daughter who isn’t coping with the lack of contact. Not even any voice messages or face times that she is used to having in between contact. She literally looks up to her big sister like she’s the best thing since sliced bread, it’s so sad for her and seeing her wondering and asking if she’s done something wrong to not be wanted anymore.