Working mums - advice please!

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Letsallscreamatthesistene · 17/09/2021 16:52

Hi OP. I work mon/tues/thurs/fri part time hours and it isnt really financially viable.

Thats not the whole story though. I love my wednesdays on my own with my son (17mo). I also think that when he goes to school/isnt so little anymore ill defo want to work. So I see this time as me keeping my foot in to enable that.

FlowersinJune · 17/09/2021 16:52

I've done very part-time (between 2 and 3), part-time after 1 and FT after 3. Personally part-time was the worst. I am in a job without irregular hours/working patterns so I felt I was working constantly, paying for childcare and actually walking home with less then 50% of the income I had of FT.

To be honest it's tough whatever you do and you'll probably feel guilty whatever you do. If you go part-time you'll worry about money and missing time with kids and promotions. If you are full time you'll worry about time you are missing with your kid.

As long as you are keeping your foot in the door you will be fine. Just avoid the guilt - it's a wasted emotion.

HairyScaryMonster · 17/09/2021 16:54

I've loved working 3 days (stretched over 4 school hours days now kids in school). Having Fridays off allows me to do all those little jobs so the weekends aren't so hectic, keep in touch with other mums and spend time with little ones. But we could afford it and didn't stop us having little extras.

Mandalordeloris · 17/09/2021 16:54

Are you planning on having another child? If so, wait until then before you go part time.

I had my second child when my first was 2YO. I then went back to work part time to avoid paying full time childcare for two kids.

FreeButtonBee · 17/09/2021 16:58

I work tues-fri. It's a financial hit and I basically do 5 days work in 4 days but the time has been amazing. I am so glad I've done it. I work in FS so it's tough when transactions are going on but I have my business pretty well trained now and I find I can get through all of Monday's stuff in 2 hours on a Tuesday morning.

But bumbling about with my kids and even now that they are older, picking them up from school one day a week is priceless. My youngest is 6 and I am only now thinking of going back full time.

mynameiscalypso · 17/09/2021 17:07

I have a two year old as well. I work four days a week (M, T, W, F). For me, the financial hit is worthwhile but that's partly because we pay for childcare (and other bills) in proportion to what we earn. Our nursery is also quite expensive so saving a day a week of fees balances out! I have to be quite careful to have boundaries around my non-working day (and I don't always succeed) but for me, it's balanced out by the day that I get to spend with DS.

howlongto · 17/09/2021 18:40

Monday - DD with DH
Tuesday - DD at nursery
Wednesday - DD with me
Thursday - DD at nursery
Friday - DD at nursery
Saturday - DD with me
Sunday - DD with both of us

T0rt0ise · 17/09/2021 18:49

Do 3.5 days a week with LO in nursery 4 days. You the get one extra day with her and half a day to do the jobs around the house that have built up so the rest of the time with her is quality time 👌Also means the financial hit isn't as big. Though I guess it also depends if you'd be taking over front Aunt/Grandma or nursery...

MeadowHay · 17/09/2021 20:53

I went back to work when my DD was 9m, didn't have a choice really as DH was a student at the time with no income so we couldn't afford for me to take longer. I went from working a 5 day 37.5hr week to a 4 day 30hr week with Fridays off. DD was in nursery 3 days a week and with a grandparent 1 day a week. She's 3 now and I've just started mat leave again as DC2 is due anytime now. Have taken her down to 2 days a week of nursery now. Likely to go to uni rather than return to my job next year so will have the two of them in nursery 2 days a week whilst I'm in uni + 1 day a week extra care from grandparent for me to study. After that year I'm due to start a FT job with a very long commute each way so we are hoping for DH to drop down to about 3 days a week then to juggle childcare, and DD will be in primary school then too. So we are planning all kinds of combos whilst they're both little basically depending on our careers and financial situations! I wish really I could have just worked 3 days a week instead of 4 over the last couple of years but my company policy is not to approve less than 4 days for my role.

Shinytaps · 17/09/2021 21:02

I have worked full time and part time at spells. I now work 3 days a week and it’s amazing. I also work from home most of the time which means I can take the older ones to school. I cram a lot of work in on the days I’m in the office and work evenings (my hours are compressed) but for me it’s worth it to have the extra time with my kids. If you can manage then I would say go for the part time hours. It’s so lovely to spend more time with your kids if that’s what you feel you would enjoy (appreciate some people would rather be full time).

Cluelessgardener · 17/09/2021 21:08

Can you work full time hours in 4 days? I find 4 working days and 3 off to be the perfect balance

Vicky1989x · 18/09/2021 08:27

I work 7am-3pm Tuesday - Thursday and I admit it’s a struggle financially but I love having 4 days with my DD. I feel I’d miss out on so much otherwise, not to mention be exhausted! I do get UC though which helps.

TowelStripes · 18/09/2021 08:32

I'm a single parent and do 5 days compressed into 4 so full time salary but Fridays off. They both go to a childminders Mon, Tues, Thurs and Wednesdays are split with family or I take annual leave very occasionally.

RobinPenguins · 18/09/2021 08:36

4 days works with me. It minimises the financial hit to less than 20% and was the least you can work and still have prospects for promotion and career development in my role. And I have a full day in the week with DD to do things like swimming lessons and visiting places while they’re quiet because bigger children are at school. She’ll go to reception next year and I’m thinking of asking to keep working 30 hours but spread it over the 5 days to make it easier to manage the reduced hours of primary school compared to nursery.

user159 · 18/09/2021 08:44

I agree with others who have said four days works well. I love having a three day weekend every week and our child is in nursery four days in a row so it's a good routine. We all know where we are and count down to Friday. I feel from my point of view career wise this has allowed me to get promoted after Mat leave and I'm around enough to still be visible etc.

johnd2 · 18/09/2021 12:56

@Yrmyfavourite

Hello,

My DD is almost 2 and I went back to work when she was 9 months old. This was earlier than I had liked but, work was busy and being a manager, I stepped in when they were short staffed. I went straight back to full time, with DD going to nursery 3 days a week and with family the other 2 days a week.

I've made the decision (sort of) now that work has calmed down, to go part time but, I can't decide if it is financially worthwhile and if I do go for it, how to work the days/hours to best make the most of my time with her.

A normal week goes
Monday - DD with her Aunt
Tues/Wed/Thu - DD at nursery
Friday - DD with her Nana

What work/home life balance usually works for you and do you find that it is worth losing out on a bit of extra money, to spend the time with your LO at such a young age? I just feel like I am missing out on so much and I will never get this time back with her.

sighs Why do Dad's not have this problem!

Thanks in advance :)

sighs Why do Dad's not have this problem! Which problem? If you mean having to reduce their work and pay if they want to spend more time with their family, then given the average man earns more (which shouldn't be the case, but it is) it would be an even bigger problem for men on average! However having said all that myself and my partner both switched to 4 days a week which works really well for us financially and practically. Another option that some colleagues do is 9 day fortnight and work something like 45 minutes a day extra, for no loss of pay.

Another point that i think you get is that you never get this time back, and no one ever went to their grave and said they wish they spent less time with their young family, whereas work not so much.
Good luck.

Emsie1987 · 19/09/2021 17:08

I work Tuesday to Friday 9:15 to 5:45pm. 2 hour commute in and 1.5 on the way home. I do nursery drop off in the morning and currently only have to go in the office 2 days.

I like this work pattern. Love having a three day weekend and spending one day with little man. Tuesday grandparent has him and then goes to nursery Wednesday to Friday.

If I had to put him in nursery four days a week it wouldn't be as viable and I haven't actually worked from the office all week yet so it's going to be long days once I start.

Bare in mind when they first start childcare there is lots of sickness so need to have a plan on how to deal with that.

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/09/2021 17:35

Why do Dad's not have this problem!

The only thing stopping dads from going for PT work with a young child at home is patriarchal social expectations. It is also the same thing that is encouraging you to consider PT work and thinking that as the mother you “should” do this.

I took a fuck the patriarchy approach and went back to FT work, and put them in FT nursery from 10-11 weeks old. You don’t miss firsts because the first time they walk or talk with you is still a first for you. It doesn’t count when you’re not there.

Original poster

Yrmyfavourite · 01/10/2021 10:26

Hello!

I am so sorry for ghosting, I got struck with a kidney infection, which was swiftly followed with flu and tonsillitis so, I have been working from my bed most days, ironically...

Anyway, thank you so much for the replies, I really appreciate the different perspectives.

We are TTC #2 so, the point about maybe waiting to go part time after does make sense to me because, then I can 'bank' as much money as I can working full time. The only problem is, I'm suffering a bit, mentally and physically and so, I think I need to come up with a slight compromise before I turn into an actual zombie.

Spoke to DH and he suggested we can afford for me to drop to 4 days a week, if that's what I want to do. I'm taking each day in it's stride at the moment but, I think that's the plan for the very near future, when things die down at work a bit (someone has just left and the work load has doubled). It sounds like 4 day weeks are the most popular choice, too!

Oh, also... apologies, I was being a little bit sarcastic with my 'Why don't Dad's' comment

Thanks again all! x

OP posts:

T0rt0ise · 01/10/2021 16:35

I went back full time as planned to have two close together (my son was 11 months when I went back). Conceived number two when he was 12 months and have ended up going PT (3.5 days) for the last three months of my pregnancy. I could have managed full time but I was exhausted and wanted to spend more time with my son before number 2 arrived.

HogDogKetchup · 01/10/2021 16:38

I’m really fortunate in that I earn a pretty good salary working 3 days a week. I love the balance. Nursery fees are only temporary (and I say this with two soon to be in nursery) so my advice, if you can afford it, is so what you’re most comfortable with.

Pebbledashery · 01/10/2021 16:41

I've worked part time and full time now, when I was part time, I literally felt like my earnings were just pocket money and didn't really feel like i was making a valuable financial contribution to my household at the time..
My DD loves nursery and she goes 5 days a week and we have real quality time most weekends.
You just need to do what's best for your family, there is no one size fits all answer.

Anyoneforcoffee · 01/10/2021 18:01

I totally agree do what you are comfortable with. I do 4 days a week, and also went back earlier than I would have picked. I really value the extra day with DS even if it can all feel frantic!

Bobholll · 01/10/2021 18:23

I work 4 days in terms of hours & pay but I do it in 3.5 days. I work longer days Mon, Tues, Wed I do 8am-5.30pm. I WFH so it’s not so bad. The kids are in nursery & after school club & DH collects at 5.15ish. & I work a long half day on Thursday, from 7am until 1pm. Then I’m off Thursday afternoon & Friday. It’s been affordable for us. I actually got a promotion not long after I went back from mat leave no.1 & that actually put me back on the same pay I was on full time in my lower role..

So long as it’s genuinely affordable, as in, while you might have to cut back on stuff, you can still pay bills, afford food etc, then I’d 100% do it. I love my time off with my kids. In a blink my eldest has started school this time & I miss her! I’m so glad we had all the time we did 🥰

yellowgingham · 01/10/2021 18:32

I think childcare arrangements make a difference. My ideal from a career perspective would be 4 days a week, as it's fairly low impact and (at least in my sector) you're still considered for promotions, development opportunities etc. However that means 4 days per week at nursery for DD which I don't really like as she gets so tired. She's happier since I dropped down to 3 days a week and my eldest was the same.

So for me, 3 days is the best choice overall. But if I were in your shoes and could mix paid and family childcare, I might go for 4.

Working mums - advice please!

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