How do you balance one to one time, screen time, and all the day to day jobs?

[WildWombat]

Feeling like a pretty crap parent today. Almost 3-year-old DS has been watching telly most of the day (in the background while he plays, mostly) while I wrangle the six month old, try to get on top of laundry, make lunch, order food shop online, pack for holiday, etc etc. I'm so insanely tired. Four hours of broken sleep last night. Now have major guilt that I haven't been down on the floor playing with DS, or sitting in front of baby DD playing peekaboo or whatever. This happens every day I'm on my own with them both and I really am feeling like a terrible parent. Am I being rubbish and disorganised, or do other people have days like this? I love them both so much but I'm on my knees! Besides the fact that all these household jobs need to get done somehow, I just can't summon the energy to be 'Playful Mum' for very long. Please someone tell me I'm not alone...or if I am, how do you manage to balance it all?!

You're not and I don't. I'm actually looking forward to a serious operation because at least it means I won't have to take responsibility and get shit done for a few days while I'm in hospital. I have no way to help you because I feel equally disastrous. Sorry.

You're not alone! You're a great mum.

I have 2 that are 2 years apart. A LOT of my daughters baby years were spent with CBeebies entertaining them both. Even more so when they were 3 and 1 and lockdown hit.

It gets easier as they get older and can entertain themselves more. They are 4 and 2 now and I can leave them playing together while I do some jobs.

Do you have a partner? Does the oldest do any childcare?

If you can, get the eldest into a preschool or nursery. It will give you some time to focus on the baby / catch a nap or breather during her nap times.

If there's a partner - talk to them and ask for help. You cannot do everything. Regardless of whether they work or not they are a parent and an adult too. They can help with housework, toddler care, food prep, take the kids out to give you space - anything.

@SharpLily

You're not and I don't. I'm actually looking forward to a serious operation because at least it means I won't have to take responsibility and get shit done for a few days while I'm in hospital. I have no way to help you because I feel equally disastrous. Sorry.

Snap. I have an operation coming up and I'm looking forward to the anaesthetic sleep and the recovery in bed lol

I struggle with this too. I have a 3yo and a 3 mo. I try my best to give 3yo during baby naps but it doesn't always work out. He watches far too much tv now. He's just started preschool 2.5 days a week so I try to do jobs then with a one to one time with baby then. It's hard but next week I've got my mil looking after baby after my 3yo half day at preschool and that'll be the first time in over 3 months just me and 3yo can do something without a baby

Don’t be hard on yourself OP, that’s the first rule - give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. This will have a big impact on your mood.

The only advice I can give you is to not underestimate the power of routine. Add in story times with props, sensory play, music and dance time and outdoors play. Talk to them throughout the day while you’re doing things.

It notoriously hard at their ages and sounds like you could use a few hours help each day with cleaning or childcare if that were a possibility.

If not, do the bare minimum housework for now. You’ll be glad you did when they’re slightly older.

I think you're being way too hard on yourself OP.

You are still interacting with them both all day, they are safe and healthy and presumably about to go on holiday! They're fine :) I think it's great that your son will play on his own.

You're normal. And even if it was a bad parenting day, after only 4 hours' sleep you are let off.

On better days, with more sleep, I'd suggest involving your toddler with some of the day to day jobs. Let him sort laundry or put slices of cheese on bread or something similar. Have him on your knee while doing online shop and chat about what you are buying. Let him press the occasional key to order stuff. But I couldn't do that when sleep deprived.

Give him a cuddle and a bedtime story and it'll be fine. They don't need entertaining all day long. I made that mistake and if I had my time again I'd leave them to their own devices more. It's good for them.

I remember S1 watching LOADS of telly when S2 was little. MathsMan and Thunderbirds featured heavily.

He's currently about to start his 4th year in Engineering at a Top University hoping to work in satellites...

Thank you so much everyone, your messages are making me feel so much better. It's been a hell of a day! Just rounded off nicely by the 3 year old getting so hysterical about having a bath that he made himself throw up and had to be bathed all over again. Kill me now. Some days you just feel like you can't get anything right. I think I feel so much pressure to be doing something constructive or educational with them every moment of the day. God knows why. Who makes the rules? DS goes to nursery on some days so he gets plenty of brain stimulation there. I really ought to take your advice and go easier on myself. You know those days when you just feel like you're right on the edge and everything seems ten times worse?

I think it’s gotta be bad when mums are looking forward to operations and recovery just to get a break from parenting!

I can sympathise- I’m not that playful mum either. I was with my first as I had the time to invest but now I have so many house chores as well as the kids that it’s not feasible to sit on my ass and play all day. It simply can’t be done otherwise who would do the dishes or the cooking or all the other little jobs that need doing day to day.

Don’t beat yourself up - it’s not worth it. Unfortunately this is just how it is at least until they get to school!

Saw this and wanted to sympathise - was going to start a similar thread. You don't sound rubbish at all - that's a lot to have on.

My eldest is a bit older and DD is 6 months too, but feel like when I'm on my own with both of them DS gets frustrated about me having to look after DD and not doing things with him, and I end up getting stressed. I don't know about you but I sometimes find it easier to say I have to do a job rather than be playful, which feels awful. Especially when I'm tired I just want to be left alone to get on with things.

When I'm having a better day though I find if I encourage DS to join me while I'm doing a job that helps. For instance, he plays near me in the garden while I hang washing and looks out the window/plays on the beds while I put it away, and it's a nice chance to chat. Also getting out for a walk to somewhere DS can play gives me time to talk to him while DD naps, and talk to her while he's throwing stones or whatever. And I try and fit in stories with DS in the morning so I know I've at least had that time. But I'm terrible at planning other things at home - at the moment skittles in the hallway while DD watches, a bit of trains and singing along to various kids songs on Spotify is pretty much it. I thought I'd be much more playful and imaginative, but I worry to much about teaching DS to behave and take care of things, and a lot of the time I don't seem to be able to relax and be silly with him. Not sure if that's at all relatable.

But just wanted to reassure you he always watches some TV on the days I've got them on my own and DD spends a lot of time with chewable toys on the floor. And I still don't feel like I'm getting many jobs done either.

Hope you've had a better day today.

Are you a single parent? If no then your other half needs to be stepping up and doing housework too.

Just turn the telly off?

I wasn't a brilliant player, but would chatter with them all day and get them to help out with various jobs and tasks.