Pressured to leave my 11 week old

[RtIou]

I’m being pressured to leave my 11 week old LG by my husband and his parents. Now she is a challenging baby reflux cries alot so it has been stressful. However I am still not really to leave her. My husband parents constantly ask more so his dad and make snide comments about how overattached I am and how I’ll never let them have the baby (which ironically makes me never want to let them have her!)

She does nap great and gets overtired very quickly and when we have taken her around to the in laws and I’ve allowed them to take the baby whilst I’m there and asked them to try and nap her as she’s tired they will say to me that I’m being overprotective and will say she’s doesn’t want to sleep she wants to look around and will proceed to walk her around and stimulate her. Which results in an awful time for us when we eventually get her home. This has now resulted in arguments with myself and my husband as he thinks I’m being unreasonable! Am I?

Also to note I don’t feel ready to leave her with anyone atm not even my own parents!

Buy them one of those reborn dolls that you get on eBay.

No is a complete sentence in this situation. Dont feel like you have to justify yourself or give valid reasons why they cant 'have' your baby. It is simply no, I am not comfortable with that. Many many new mums are not. Many are, and both are fine, but there is no standard you have to meet in terms of leaving your baby. Dont go into oh maybe in a couple of months, by the time they're 1, or theyll just keep on. My in laws did this to me at the same age when I was having a really tough time bonding and I will never forgive them for it.

Remind them that she spent 9 MONTHS growing INSIDE you. 11 weeks is nothing, you’re doing great.

When my girl was 11 weeks I hit a low point. Tired, all the grudge work and no fun, and I found everything felt like criticism. You definitely get to decide what's right for you and your baby. All I'm saying is go gently. When she is 2, 5, 10, you might be glad of the help of hands-on grand parents. Do things your way, but kindly, as I'm sure you would.

My in laws were super keen although not nearly as bad as yours! I found it helped to say what they could do rather than what they couldn’t. Like take her out in the pram for an hour, or if we went to stay they helped with baths and played with her all day but my DP and I did all feeds and naps. You definitely need to sort your DP out first though! And it is 100% fine to not want to leave your baby Mine has just started nursery and is incredibly outgoing so the lack of granny sleepovers hasn’t hurt her! And the in laws are more relaxed now so get to do more with her as I feel more confident.

My son is 19 months old. Other than emergency medical treatment for me, I have never left him.

When people try and pressure me, I usually laugh very loudly and say something like “Oh, you’re so funny, imagine if you really did think that you know more about my parenting style than me! Thank God you’re not that ignorant”

Usually embarrasses them into silence 👍

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest!

My DD was born at the beginning of the pandemic so we were in full lockdown and noone could meet her, nevermind look after her. I left her for the first time with my mum when she was 16 months old and she's been with her other grandparents for a clue of hours a handful of times, other than that it's been me or my DH. She started at a childminder a couple of weeks ago (for one day a week) and the little monkey ran straight in, no tears, not even a wave . So it's entirely inaccurate that you will create a "clingy baby" just because you didn't leave them with grandparents at 11 weeks old.

Follow your instincts, you'll know when you're ready and who you feel comfortable with leaving your baby with.

I don’t know why people have such a hard time understanding that if you want time with someone’s baby you have to reassure the mother that you will do everything that she has asked.

I know my dm thought it was daft to put babies to sleep on their backs but she reassured me that she would and did because it was important to me. Mil told me it was nonsense, she had reared 5 who slept on their tummies, etc. She didn’t mind him until he could roll over.

Even then there was always something (they didn’t believe in sunblock or fire guards, treated burns with butter and sweated out a fever so it wasn’t just pfp nonsense) Dh finally got on board with me when ds was a toddler and made it clear to his dps and siblings that “we had decided X” or “we do it this way” and it made such a difference to me knowing that he had my back. I wasn’t constantly stressing about confrontation and what was worth a row.

But if mil could have just met me half way, instead of convincing dh that I was overprotective, it would have been so much better for all of us.

Only do it when your ready regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. It sounds so cliche but they really are not babies for long. With my DD before she arrived I was adamant that I would go back to the gym when she was 6 months and let my mum have her at least once a week so I could have me time. It never happened I breast for 13 and a half months and when she got to 6 months I just didn't want to leave her. It wasn't until she was 9 months old I let my mum have her and even then it was only for a couple of hours at a time.
You will know when it's right for you to leave dc

Yeah, I'd tell them to pi55 off. And DH is an a-hole for not sticking up for you..

This is about control - your baby, you're in control. They don't like it but that's tough. They had their go with your DP. YANBU. This is too soon to leave her. Stick to your gut feeling, OP.

You need to tell your DH it will happen when you are ready and not before and continually pushing you isnt helping. There is no right or wrong time only the time you are ready and he needs to back off