Childminder, nursery... or something else?

[Whathefisgoingon]

My boy is almost 19 months and hasn’t spent a day away from myself or my partner. We both work part time and look after him on alternate days.

We both take him to the play park and on play dates with a few other kids, but I don’t think it’s enough as he’s such a sociable little one and is definitely keen to interact with other toddlers.

We were going to put him in nursery at the start of the year but decided not to due to Covid. I now feel like I’d prefer to wait until he turns 2 for nursery so he can at least get the flu vaccine and have some protection against that before (quite possibly) catching every illness under the sun at nursery. I’ve heard good things about child minders and at least then he can go once a week and spend the day with other children his age too, without the nursery setting.

Although I like the idea of a child minder I’m scared in somehow setting him up to be alone at school. People are telling me that their toddlers made friends for life at nursery who they ended up going to school with! So if I don’t put him in nursery, he’s not going to have any friends to move on to school with.

I’m just curious to hear what others did.

FTM, in case you couldn’t tell

Hey OP.

We put our wee boy into nursery purely for socialisation as he had started running after any kid he found in the street for a hug and was desperate for more interaction. I would say do it!!

One question - does your child have any underlying health issues? If not, I would personally say your views on holding off until the flu jab are a bit mad. They will being home everything under the sun and you will 100% guarantee they will have a cold within the first week of nursery . This is the BEST thing for their immune system as they will actually develop one, keeping them at home with no exposure will actually put them at more risk to bugs as they have no resistance built up.

Our 18 month old absolutely loves it and we have never looked back. He has tantrums when he goes in some mornings......but usually also doesn't want to come home either :p

A few of my friends used a childminder till 3ish and then sent to nursery/preschool for the last year till school starts to get them used to a bigger more school like environment. Maybe that might be suitable for you?

I think you get bugs regardless of what environment you send them too, mine used to get sick from stay and plays and soft play! It's good for then to build their immune system though. You'll want to check the flu spray criteria - if I remember right they have to be 2 by the August to get it that year.

All the evidence suggests that nursery isn't really beneficial until they are 3. So if you want to teach him social skills, he's much better learning from you. So by all means use childcare if you want to but he'll learn just as well going to playgroup with you or mixing with friends and family

I agree with @DominicRaabsTravelAgent , haha that's a line you won't hear often on tv! Sorry. Yes, 3+ is best for development generally but you know your own child and some kids need company their age more than others do. They definitely benefit hugely from making friends with the children that will then attend Reception with them 18mths on but other than that if you don't need the childcare there's no rush. As I said, you know if your child really needs the bigger scale social interactions now or not. If he does, go for it.

If it's just socialisation that you want look for stay and play type playgroups and toddler classes (music/gym/football/dance etc). He doesn't need either a nursery or childminder for socialisation.

If you'd like a bit of time to yourself while he socialises then both nursery and childminder are good options. Personally, I'd go for a childminder because I prefer the small group/one caregiver approach.

When he is three send him to the nursery or pre-school that is attached to the school you will send him to. Unless you live somewhere with only one nursery and one primary school there is no guarantee that the children from baby nursery will end up at school together anyway.

Thanks all.

Yes, it really is just for socialising. At the groups and parks there’s obviously a mixture of ages but the majority are a few years older or around 6 months or so, so he doesn’t get to interact with toddlers his age as much as he’d probably enjoy.

Good to hear about nursery benefits only really being from 3 years onwards, I had read this before!

Mind you, he was born a couple weeks before the first lockdown and as I pretty much shielded him for the first 6 months to a year, apart from close family, everyone kept saying he NEEDED to socialise or he’d be really socially awkward and shy/scared Obviously not the case as he’s very inquisitive and friendly.

@Whathefisgoingon I'm sorry but the thing about lockdown babies being socially awkward is total bull..... our we one is the same and all the babies from our nct class are really friendly and confident and their speech seems far more advanced due to all the time at home with parents.....it used to drive me mad when folk say that to me.

I think having read all the posts above the clear thing is to do what works for you. There is no right or wrong and it's all trial and error.

What about posting on your local fb page explaining you had a baby in lockdown and asking if anyone has kids of similar ages that would like to go for a walk?

Agree, the babies needing to socialise thing is absolute nonsense, no evidence to support it whatsoever.

I'm not sure where it's come from, maybe nursery/activity marketing? It's a commonly held belief amongst new parents now though. So often on the childcare threads you'll see people recommending nurseries (for small babies) over other forms of childcare because of the socialisation benefits (that don't exist!).

I'm not a fan of nurseries pre 3 years old as I worked in a few on a year out from uni and would never send a baby to one tbh but each to their own. Also if he is at play groups and parks etc that's great,.like obviously if he was stuck at home all day that wouldnt be good. Re. illnesses i hear it all the time in rl and on here " so great for their immune system", the odd cold virus absolutley but constant illnesses like ear infections, chest infections, slapped cheek, a friends daughter got herpes from a nursery etc etc can weaken the immune sysyem. Constant illness isnt good for anyone. My dc are older but we didnt send them to childcare pre 3 and were told by people that they'd get v sick once they started pre school but it never happened.
I think from 3 they get more out of organised settings like preschools.

Don’t worry about socialising until he’s a bit older. My DD went to nursery from 1 and has always been happy there (and we’re happy with the decision) but she didn’t start to form any friendships until 2.5+. And she’s not likely to go to the same primary school as her nursery friends either so it’s unlikely they’re going to be friends for life! I actually do have friends as an adult I first met at nursery but that’s just because of circumstances.

I’m not sure a childminder would deliver what you’re looking for as he’d likely be with children of other ages. And definitely try to get a personal recommendation from someone you trust if you do go for one.

Getting sick all the time isn’t inevitable. DD has been in nursery for 3 years and I can count on one hand the number of days she’s been off due to illness. She brushes off colds and bugs way more easily than I do. There’s a big element of luck involved.

They don't need structured socialisation at this age. Playgroups, park etc are plenty. Kids play alongside each other at this age. The most valuable interaction they get is from you and other adults. My son went to a CM from age 1 till 4 for work purposes and then started school very happily.
Had he not been at a CM I would have tried nursery in the year before school (ideally one linked to the school or nearby) to get him used to being independent and make friends, but not before.

I think either will be fine, but if it's friends and socialisation you are after, I personally would go for a nursery. Both of mine started from 9-11 months. I liked the fact that there were lots of hands on deck, whereas a childminder, I just couldn't imagine one person being able to gently put a baby to nap several times a day while paying attention to toddlers and everyone having their needs met as well as if there were 4-5 staff there. I also liked the facilities that a nursery offered, including forest school and lots of outdoor space, a mud kitchen, animals, etc. Both of mine made lovely friends at nursery. Youngest is 3 and he and his bestie are thick as thieves. When we meet up outside of nursery, they can go off and play for 2-3 hours together. My eldest is in Y4 and still friends with other children from nursery, even the ones that don't go to her school, still come to her birthday party every year. I don't think they'd have quite the same experience at a childminder where there may only be a couple other children and not the same age.

I think if you can, hold on to him until he's at least 3, there's no rush to send them (if you don't need to for work) and I think it's just so young. There really seems to be a push here to get kids into a 'school setting' from such a young age. In America they don't start full time school until grade 1 (year 2), up until then it's usually part-time, if for the whole day it's a separate school altogether.

I'm a nanny, and the children are very well socialised, I'm in a share then we've made friends with other kids similar ages in the area, even the parents have become friends. I expect a childminder would have a similar setting.

And I can't comment on the 'friends for life' thing from nursery, I can really only see that if you're in a small village and ended up at the same primary and secondary schools as well. My closest friends now are ones I met as an adult, I only keep in contact with one friend from school, and it was secondary.

My DS went on to make life long friends at a childminders, they ended up at the same school nursery and primary! It was the best of both worlds.