Help needed really struggling what to do

[Lonelydad35]

Hi
I’m having a really difficult time with my wife, she is very short temperate, never says sorry, always needs to be right, I’ve been criticised for things I did not even know you could be criticised for! For example not putting enough water in the kettle!

Or driving down a different road, even tho we
Would get the same destination the same amount of time! The criticism can get quite nasty

My daughter has seen her behaviour many times, but recently my daughter has been saying things like she hates her mother, argues with her mother, recently even argued about what time it was, I’m always in the middle of this

I told my daughters school about the problems, and have talked to my daughter, but my daughter has never come forward with any information for them to think there is any problem.

My daughter now asked me if she can tell the school, I’m nervous about this as I would prefer to fix the problem without people getting involved, but I’m starting to think I can’t solve this, I’m broken down from the stress of the last 8 years! My wife does nothing for me, i can’t be ill, if I am she is more ill than me.

I told my daughter to write down what her mother makes her feel like

This is the list in her own words

1. Shouts
2. Tells what to do
3. Argues
4. Makes me wear clothes I don’t like
5. Doesn’t listen

6 days silly mean way

1. She won’t say she is wrong
2. Super angry because choose glasses
3. Makes me cry because mean

10. Extremely mean 11. Selfish because 12. Scared of her 13. Bossy 14. Fakes being nice 15. Lies 16. Has a go at me

This is absolutely shocking! My wife would never physically hurt her in anyway.

My daughter wants this to stop, ive talked to my wife many times, she just says she doesn’t remember any of this.

What is strange, my daughter can be good with my wife, laugh etc and hug her but then come out with this stuff,

I’m absolutely lost

Sounds tough, does your wife realise she is acting in this way and making you and your daughter unhappy or is she totally oblivious to it? Would family counselling or something along those lines be a thing you would all be willing to consider?

Thank you for replying, she seems oblivious to it,
When I tell her things that she has done said etc, she just says she doesn’t remember doing it.

She seems to have this image in her head of who she is, kind caring person etc, and when you tell her the truth and it challenges her image, she gets defensive and sometimes verbally aggressive

I also have a part in this, I’m not the same person I was, she has made me cold person sometimes, i could cook her an amazing meal, and it would be wrong, I could give her burnt food and it would be wrong, so I now put no effort in, because everything I do is wrong

Also, I have tried to get her to see a councillor for her self, she will not go
I also asked her to go to couples councillor she will not go

I went myself to show her there is no shame! But that back fired because now all the people we know think I lost the plot

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you're trying so hard, but hitting a brick wall. Would you and your daughter be happier if you left? Life is too short sometimes and as hard as it may be initially if you think you'll both be happier then maybe this is something to consider?

That sounds really hard.

It might be worth thinking about whether you would be happier if you left with your daughter? Life is too short for you to both be living with this kind of criticism and misery