Tips for life with a newborn and 3 yr old

[MeadowHay]

I am now full term so baby could be here anytime from now I suppose. I also have a toddler who turned 3 a few months ago. Getting quit anxious about what life will be like soon! Any tips for life with two? Anything you did differently with DC2? Anything you wish you'd done differently?!

Try and have your 3yo as independent as possible in things like dressing, putting on shoes, playing alone etc…
Batch cook and stock your freezer, and switch to online shopping if you haven’t already.
Use white noise for naps
If you didn’t get a bath seat for your first, then make sure you definitely get one for your second. It means you have your hands free so that you can wash your baby and your 3yo at the same time.
Save yourself from traipsing up and down the stairs with both kids in tow and get a changing station for every floor of your home. Buy a really cheap changing mat and stash it underneath the sofa.
Get a good Thermos mug - the chances of you finishing a hot drink before it cools down to room temperature are slim to none.
Put together a ‘busy box’ with some toys which will occupy your eldest when you’re feeding your baby, or when you need your eldest to be quiet during naps.
Consider getting a high chair which supports a newborn so you can put the baby in it without worrying about your eldest poking its eyes out. Useful when you need to pee.
Use a Snoozee sleep trainer clock for the eldest!
Take a walk every day. Even if it is -3 degrees out. 3yo needs it and baby can be well wrapped.
Get the 3 yo their own baby doll complete with nappy that can be changed, change mat, toy bottle etc. Even if 3yo is a boy. They can parent their baby just like you.
Involve your eldest in as much as possible in your everyday tasks. E.g. give them their own chopping board and bowl and get them to help prepare dinner. He bathed his baby when I do the baby and so on and so forth.
Use a sling. It’s a life saver.
TV is fine, don't worry about it. And the house doesn’t have to be clean and tidy all the time. Don’t feel guilty!
Regular childcare (whether that's GPs or paid for care) is a massive help.

Put the 3YO in nursery as much as you possible can. That’s it. I don’t really have any other tips! I did literally none of those things on PP’s list. 🤣

We have same age gap. DC1 is very sensitive, and DC2 arrived in lockdown so there was no nursery or any of DC1s normal activities…..
Things that worked for us:

• initially keeping DC1s bedtime during exactly the same. I still sat on her bed and did stories just with DC2 feeding. Kept it this way til DC2 got too wriggly and kept grabbing the pages!
• give DC1 one some quality time and attention early on in the day. Mine could then last longer before getting grumpy / attention seeking.we used to go to a park first thing.
• a stretchy sling was our number one life saving item. At the above park trips I’d tie DC2 in the sling and he would sleep for a few hours while I played with DC1.
• yes embrace lots of TV and a messier house.

Good luck OP, it’ll be great. I do sometimes find two challenging but overall have found it easier than the first time round!

• during should say routine

Have the sleep routine down for your eldest, if they are late sleepers bring it earlier- you will need your evenings for sanity!

Definitely get a sling. Was completely invaluable for taking 3yo to the park or playing while the newborn slept. We even got two, a soft one for indoors and a sturdy one for parka etc. Worth talking to the 3yo as much as possible about things they can do when you're breastfeeding and can't play eg a special set of crayons or stickers that can keep them occupied. We did crack and get the 3yo a tablet as well so that she could keep herself amused if she was in a mood whenever I was super distracted by baby and couldn't play with her

We currently have a 2.10 year old and a five week old baby. It’s been a learning curve. Top tips:

• Sling. I’m barely used one with my first, but it’s a Godsend with this one, who won’t nap unless in constant motion.
• Tablet and Disney+ subscription. The teacher me disapproves of this. Maternity leave me embraces the tech for sanity.
• Get out somewhere every morning to wear the older one out. Soft play is your friend if it’s raining.
• Prep as much as you can in the evenings for the next day, e.g. get clothes out, make sandwiches for lunch, pack changing bag.

It’s bloody hard work, but everyone tells me it gets easier at around 4-6 months when the baby is more independent….if this one is anything like my oldest was, I shan’t hold out much hope!

I have a 3.5 age gap. Some good tips already. These are mine:

• Keep DC1 in nursery/preschool. It's good for them to stick to their familiar routine, friends etc and it's invaluable for you to have some time to take it easy with the baby.
• Get your partner to take a decent amount of paternity leave (mine took a couple of weeks paternity leave plus a couple of weeks annual leave) If you have a helpful family member or friend who could pop round for a bit on the first day (and occasional other days) when he's back at work and you have both DC, you will be very grateful!
• Get a cleaner if you don't already have one and if you can afford it
• Lower your standards

I agree with the advice to get a doll for your oldest, I got one for DS which he liked and played with.

DS was delighted with his baby sister, and we printed a few photos of her for him to take to nursery on his first day back after she was born - he loved this and was so proud to take the photos to show his teachers and friends (apparently he was showing them all day )

I've found it to be bloody hard work with them both, but also lovely. I've definitely been more relaxed with DC2 and able to enjoy her more. Less angst about sleep training (we did it, we had to, to have energy to deal with them both). The time seems to go even faster with the second. DC2 just turned one and I don't know where that year went 😭 So my final piece of advice is that very clichéd and annoying "enjoy every moment" - not that you will enjoy every moment of course (or indeed many at all, at times!) but notice and savour the good bits

Thanks! DH is planning to take 4 weeks off when baby arrives. DD at nursery two days a week 8-6 as usual. So I will just have the two of them alone 3 days a week. DM lives a few mins walk away and will probably pop over a fair bit and I can always go round there if I'm in pieces and she might take toddler for the odd couple of hours here and there to hers.

No money for cleaner unfortunately, house is already much less clean than I would like due to my PGP meaning I'm struggling with doing physical tasks so god knows what it will be like once the baby is born !

3yr old is a generally good sleeper, does wake up some nights but usually pretty briefly and settled again within a few mins after water, a cuddle and a lullaby and DH has been doing that almost exclusively throughout my pregnancy, so she's used to that so he can do her wakings and I can do baby's, assuming I breastfeed.

3yr old not independent at ALL. Can mostly dress and undress herself but largely refuses to. Very rarely plays alone for more than a few mins at a time, seems to prefer instead to just have huge screaming tantrums if I can't play with her. Looking forward to them both screaming at once...! She expects me to be right by her side playing almost constantly and that's the same whether in or out of the house sigh. We do have a sling and a carrier, didn't get on with the sling at all first time and didn't use carrier much but am hoping to do more babywearing this time as imagine it will be a useful survival technique.

Many congrats, that’s a lovely age gap, 3 yr old with a newborn sounds ideal. My DS was 21mth when DS2 arrived, DH has his own business so never had any leave with either of our children. My only advice would be to be as organised as possible, and take any help that’s offered. Good luck

I had a 17 month gap between mine. Definitely recommend a sling, only way I could get baby to sleep for the first 3 months during the nap. Great for walks too and a double buggy is great when baby is older.

Also get a slow cooker and use it for every single dinner. I plan meals for the week and prep what I can in the evening for the next day.
I also get dressed and brush teeth/hair as soon as I get up so can leave the house for a walk any time. Still do it now and DC are 1 and 2 now.

The first while is a learning curve but then you’ll get in to a routine that works and enjoy it.

Ricekrispie22 this is such damn good advice. We're trying for #2 and have a 21 month old. Screenshotted your post as I'll hopefully need it soon.