Me and DS struggling with him at nursery, how long do they take to settle?

[LillyLeaf]

DS is 13 months and started nursery a few weeks ago. He caught an awful virus from his settling sessions and was off ill for a week which I don't think helped. He is so upset when we drop him off and won't eat all day most days. He's had a few random days where he's eaten one meal. He's starting to look thinner too and it's breaking my heart. He's not sleeping well there either so his nighttime sleep is not great now. I feel like the worst mum. He's going through separation anxiety too and just wants me not even his dad. How long did it take your little to settled? I really want him to enjoy it.

Ex nursery worker, children vary massively some kids fine from first day. Some great first week then scream next month. I’ve only every had one child who “never settled” out of hundreds.

13m is hard age as they big enough to know what’s going on but can’t understand when you are coming back.

If he’s only been there a few weeks and had virus it’s mostly likely it’s knocked him and he’s not feeling 100% yet. Plenty kids lose weight in an illness this would more likely be reason not on a hunger food protest. The food most likely is different from home which isn’t helping. Could you try send in some familiar snacks in case he doesn’t want their dinner?

Many children will be fine all day but cry for 5min and start and end of day. Usually soon as they see their parent so it looks like you are lying when you say they have been fine.

Don’t feel guilty I’m sure he’s enjoying himself in the day, he will settle eventually. Three weeks in I’d expect him to be eating and be happier over all. The sleep thing can be hard some kids can’t sleep at home with background noise so not surprised in room full babies and adults they can’t either. Don’t beat yourself up!

How often is he attending each week? Its only been a few weeks and he's missed one of those due to illness so it's not surprising it's taking a little longer to settle.

Crying at drop off and collection is pretty normal, and for most children it's the only time they'll be upset while at nursery. So although it looks like they've been crying all day, it's really not the case.

Lots of children also find it tricky to nap as there is so much going on and they don't want to miss out. It's also different from home, as many nurseries use floor beds, and it takes time to get used to a new sleeping environment.

Although it seems tough right now, it's likely he just needs a little more time to get used to the new routine.

It is really hard. My 15 month old has recently started nursery. She eats fine but has trouble napping there. Which means she is a tired grumpy mess. She also has a horrible cold, so just isn't her best self at the moment.

It's totally normal I think. It took my older daughter a while to settle too, but they will get there in the end.

Can they take some photos and videos of him when he's calmer in the day to reassure you a bit?

We're trying my DH dropping DD off, as she's generally more clingy with me, and it doesn't upset him as much as it does me. Is that an option for you?

It's so great to hear your views, I know rationally it will take time and it's all very normal but I just feel awful for him. Some feedback has been that he's had fun so at least I know he's not upset all day I just really wish he would eat. He's should be at nursery 4 days a weeks but we've collected him a bit early some days and he's done a few half days but I can't do that forever. I think DP dropping him off would help as he seems way more upset when I take him.

Mine took about 5-6 weeks overall as was off sick for a week - same as you, not sleeping or eating at nursery, was so so sad. Also did the same picking up early as I found it so heartbreaking!
I looked into other options which we couldn’t really afford (nanny), and then it suddenly just clicked, he loves it now and I now feel a bit mean when we go away for too long!
He seems to learn so much everyday.