New baby - family coming to stay

[sjxoxo]

I’ve put this in parenting as I imagine lots of you have been through this scenario & I’m interested in what set up worked for you!

Expecting baby no.1; and unsure of what to do re family visits around time of birth; to meet baby and see us too. The family members would be my parents, and my MIL. (The rest are for later!)We live far from all family so do need to organise a bit in advance. Husband can stay at maternity with me so having someone here that week would be helpful as support for food/dog etc just nice to have someone. Mean as it sounds, I am reluctant for this to be my MIL as I find her overbearing. My parents are open to whatever we would like; my MIL has already told me she has ‘kept her Xmas free so she is available for us’ (..baby due end of jan!). When my SIL had her baby, my MIL moved in with them for 3 months. Her husband nearly walked out as he didn’t get a look in. I’m certain I do not want this set up, that’s for sure! I am thinking our options are:

• both my parents & MIL come the week of the birth (I would love my parents to come and see us in the maternity; I will be there for 4-5 days)
• come just after the birth (say 2-3 weeks after) and stay with us or stay nearby??

If I’m honest with myself I’d love just my parents to come but I feel that’s mean and my MIL will be very upset. DH says he doesn’t mind whatever I feel is the easiest, but he also doesn’t want his mum to move in with us. She keeps reiterating on the phone that ‘she will do whatever we like’ but to keep bringing this up makes me feel like she’s anticipating a sort of big job offer coming like moving in with us or being here for a few weeks around the birth etc. We still have time but this is coming up every time we speak and she is organising other stuff later in the year then explaining shes doing this date etc so she is
‘Available’. Another factor is we don’t have a lot of space and so it would be tricky if everyone came and stayed with us at the same time; yet I think if we invite one set and not the other they will be upset.

Wondering what did you do & what worked or didn’t work for parents’ meeting new baby & visits around the time of birth??

Thanks in advance! Xo

I really think you need a couple of weeks to recover from the birth itself and time together to get to know your baby as a family, establish feeding etc. I personally couldn’t imagine having people stay when we were bringing our baby home and us having to host them, especially not 2 sets of parents. I would invite each set separately and make it a few weeks after the birth, you need to be thinking of yourself in this instance! It’s always tricky with parents in law :/

My Dad lives 6 hours away, was telling me to phone him when I was in labour so he could come down, wanted to stay at our house, wanted to stay for a week..
My advice to you is to have a good think of what you want now, and lay boundaries down early (especially with overbearing MIL!) My Dad and his wife eventually came down when she was 3 weeks old, they stayed in a nearby hotel and came over for a few hours each day. That was perfect and would implement the same again when we have another.

I wouldn't allow any overnight stays if I had the room tbh. If they want to come that's great but only for a matter of a few hours.
If they were so desperate to come they'd have to get a hotel or something nearby.

No overnight stays in the first couple of weeks.

Tell them they can each come for a weekend once you're home and settled in, but you won't be making any firm plans until after the baby is here and you're feeling ok.

Unless you actually WANT your parents there while you're in hospital. In which case I'd sell it that they're coming to pet sit. Tell MIL to come for a weekend once you're home and ok.

I wouldn't want overnight stays from anybody but that's just me. How close do your parents/your MIL live to you?

If you're worried about MIL overstaying, perhaps she could come first for a couple of days but then have to go to make room for your parents?
Keep the first couple of weeks to yourself in case you need some recovery/quiet time first. Use facetime or similar so everyone gets a look at the new baby.

Thanks all for your replies. I think you are all right about needing time to ourselves at the start- in my head I think I’d quite like my parents to be here, but I also have no idea how I’ll feel physically after baby arrives- all our family live a long way away (we are in France!) so it’s difficult to do mini trips or short visits. Deffo think a hotel nearby is an excellent idea!! I didn’t say in previous post but MIL is retired midwife & I think this is where this idea of ‘availability’ comes from. Don’t want to upset anyone or look back and think ‘wish they’d been there.’ Difficult to anticipate anything as no idea whether I’ll be dead as a dodo after or feeling ok! Xo

Definitely don’t commit yourself to anything now, and keep expectations low for both sets of parents. Until you have the baby it’s impossible to know how you will feel or want you will want. We didn’t have anyone to visit for two weeks because of lockdown and I am so glad we got to bond as a family and work things out our own way.

Can they rent self catering somewhere nearby? Give yourself a couple of weeks to sit around semi naked whilst establishing breastfeeding if that’s what you plan on doing etc. You might need time to recover from the birth.