Feeling very deflated about potty training

[Mamabear04]

We've been following (roughly) the oh crap potty training method and started 5 days ago. My LO is 22mo which is very young but the book says it's a good time to start and it seemed right for her mainly because she has been doing all her poo's at home in the toilet (we have a children's seat for it) and is very good at using it in the morning and at night before bed. She has a decent grasp of language- she understands everything and can say "poo" and "wee" and would generally tell us when she had done a poo in her nappy. She was also fighting every nappy change and we just thought why not? We are due to move house in a month and thought that a big change might upset potty training so we decided to do it now rather than wait another month or two. So far she has been doing great - on day 1 she was naked from the waste down. We bought a potty and left it in the hall unsure of whether to use it or rush her through to the toilet (where she has been going and knows what to do there) but as soon as she saw the potty she got excited and I asked if she wanted to use it and she said yes and immediately sat down and did a wee! It was brilliant and such a relief to get the first pee out the way. Segway - I will say that because our LO was already doing poos on the toilet it was our goal to start getting her pees inbetween morning and bedtime in the potty as well.

For the rest of day 1 she had a couple of dribbles and would say "uh-oh" and we would rush her onto the potty and she would finish there - we were encouraged by her bowel control.

Day 2 - was quite a stressful morning, didn't pee at all until about 10am! But did it in the potty. We live in a flat and all 3 of us (DH being the other person) were going stir crazy (DD loves being outside and is very active). So we thought "f*&# this!" And put some leggings on her and went out for a 30-40 min walk - and guess what? No accident! The rest of the day she dribbled, held it and finished in the potty. All poo's have been in the potty - even until now, day 5. In the afternoon we went to the supermarket and a playpark nearby and she dribbled, said uh-oh, held it and we ran to the potty (we had it with us in a bag) and she finished her pee there.
Day 3 - only 2 dribble accidents at home before bedtime, I'm guessing because she was tired. We were out about about again and no accidents.
Day 4 - out and about again and only 1 accident before bed.
Day 5 - my OH goes back to work. LO and I fly solo. First pee in the potty - great! Went to toddler gymnastics - ballsey i know but I took the potty and told her where it was. It's a big hall and of course she was tired and had a full on accident. Only pee thank God and on a wipeable mat. When we got home I was making lunch and she was standing on a step watching me and had another full blown accident!

I just feel like because I've not been watching her 100% it's gone tits up. She has had a cold all week and I thought she was getting better but today is really snotty and has been having a couple of mild tantrums.

Part of me feels like she is doing really well and we as parents have been doing really well because it's bloody hard work and not very enjoyable. But the other half of me is questioning what have we done? Was it too early? I don't want to give up on her. There are also a couple of things playing on my mind - the first being that she won't practice pushing down her leggings so is capable of just sitting on the potty and going when she is naked but when wearing leggings I need to help and that this is causing the accidents. Secondly, why has she stopped telling me she needs the potty? And thirdly, she goes to her GP x2 days a week and I'm worried she will regress because of this.

Basically I just can't get my thoughts straight about it all. Please no judgement- I am already judging myself 100% but advice very much welcome!

She’s still very small. Have the potty out at home when you are playing and she has your attention and she has her bottoms off. But when out and about it’s fine to put her back in nappies. I believe in following the path of least stress. She doesn’t have to be perfectly potty trained in under a week. It doesn’t matter if she ‘regresses’ a little and it takes her a little longer.

Sounds like she’s doing great to me! Think of all you’ve saved in nappies and how many you’ve prevented going into landfill! My 2.11 year old has been potty training for a month and still has the odd accident.

I know it’s hard but she’s young, doing so well so quickly, and I think you just have to lower your expectations and expect accidents for a good while yet.

I should probably add that my parents are very supportive of the potty training but my Dad is very nervous about getting mess on the carpet. We have bought waterproof camping mats to put down on the floor and I have bought training pants just incase they want her to wear them there. The other things is that my parents haven't got to grips with DD's signals for the toilet (I just know when she needs) or they are so excited to spend time with her that they miss them. She occasionally goes in the toilet at their house but since she has stopped saying she needs I worry that it will be a disaster!

@bimblybomeyelash thanks for your encouragement. I guess I think my plan was to knuckle down and just do it. I guess I'm worried putting her back in nappies will confuse her but I do like the sound of less stress. Have you tried training pants instead of nappies?

@pjani thank you for your kind words. I don't know why but I thought PT would be a week and done! I honestly think I have the parenting thing sussed and then nope! I guess I'm processing that my thoughts about PT time frame were all wrong!

Honestly op, don’t rush it. She’ll pick up on your anxiety - I’d also make sure your parents know not to make a angsty comments about accidents in front of her - children pick up more than you realise.

It sounds like she (and you) are doing brilliantly, but the main thing I’ve been told about potty training is that it’s not a linear process. Our DD is 2.10months and is only just getting the hand of it now (despite announcing that she’s doing a poo since she turned 2!)

We started gradually with putting her on the toilet at bedtime (this was 2 months ago) and gradually extending that out to throughout the day. Sometimes she would point blank refuse but we’ve just taken it easy, had the potty in the living room and let her go bare on her bottom half.

Something clicked over the weekend and weve now had 3 days almost completely dry. She’s still in pull Ups for nighttime and nursery as she’s not quite ready yet, but we’re quite relaxed about it.

I think most people who only take a week to potty train have slightly older toddlers or children who are reliably
vocalising every time they need to go.

Good luck!

I think she's done great but I think maybe you've gone too fast with the out the house activities - she was probably super into gymnastics and didn't want to interrupt to go potty or it was more difficult to spot her wee cues because of the activities. I'd just keep going though.

I'd get her some baggy jogging bottoms - not the most stylish of items but easy to pull up and down which is what she needs at this stage.

Keep going! We potty trained at 24 months using oh crap method and my dd also cracked poos before wees.
The book gives the impression they'll be weeing in the potty by day 3-4 which stressed me out too.
We kept with the commando thing but still went out and about (she also went commando at nursery).
I was ready to give up but after 15 days of peeing mostly on the floor she woke up on day 16 and was brilliant.
We've had less than a half a dozen accidents since and she's now nearly 3.
It's a new skill, it takes time to learn. If you can persist another 1-2 weeks she may well get there. We cloth nappied so I was highly motivated - fed up of washing them 😂 x

You need baggy joggers with no knickers not tight leggings which can feel a bit nappy like to them. It sounds like she’s doing fantastically well.

Thank you everyone. I really needed to hear these things and appreciate your advice. Can you believe my parents have let her go bare bottom?! So thankful they are so supportive. It seems that wearing leggings were causing her problems like most of you suggested because she is struggling to pull them down.

Can I ask - do you think it would be best to just keep her bare bottom at home and then ??? when we go outside? No nickers and joggers? Training pants? A nappy on for gymnastics? I really feel hopeful she's getting it because she is just going to the potty now in the house when she needs - still a few accidents/dribbles here and there but she is doing so well. I just feel a bit confined to the house with her doing so we'll at home. Should I stick with staying closer to home for a few weeks and see if something clicks?

Haven’t read your whole post but just the fact she is 22 months and you are doing oh crap.

I did the same thing around the same age. Honestly that book is stupid and just ridiculously over the top. It’s silly to keep going at that age if they’re not getting it. My advice is to wait a few months if she doesn’t get it within about a week. 2 year and 3 months was great for us, she got it within a day or two by then.

You’re probably in for a lot of stress and worry about leaving the house otherwise.

I did all mine before they were 2, and this sounds very familiar in my experience. "3 days done and dusted" is more accurate for older kids.

It's not really fair to the kid to persevere with this if you're constantly going to be on edge about it- it's setting her up for a lot of failure. And toileting anxiety can stay with kids for years. I would say either carry on as you are, and accept she's doing well for a kid her age, or pause with the whole thing for the time being.

Another thing I would say is don't fall into the trap of "doing it all" for the child. Like, if she's "potty trained" but only if you're watching her like a hawk for some obscure signal, then there's not much point in that. If you can bear it, your best bet is to give her a fortnight with no "help": no anxious "do you need a wee" every 20 mins, be completely calm and non-judgemental about all accidents (and don't be upset if she wets herself out and about, it's honestly not a big deal) basically leave her to it. You might have a messy few weeks, but I personally prefer that to months and months of anxiety (I did the anxious way with my eldest! But I did the "shit happens" way with my others, and they were reliable even with grandparents etc much more quickly)

I think she's doing well.

I think they stop telling you they need a wee cos the novelty wears off and it gets a bit boring going on the potty.

I mean it's not a stress to do this for us. My LO is really enjoying the process and is so delighted with herself when she goes in the potty. The past couple of days we've kept her bottomless and she has gone to the potty herself without prompting. She has only had 1 full on accident being out and about (at gymnasics) and its been a week now so I'm confident leaving the house with her. I don't mind if its more work/mess for the time being. I'm going to stick with it because it's going well but my question is rather how to move forward with going out and about to things like the gymnastics and how to approach that.

I would really appreciate some helpful advice on how to do that rather than just advice about thinking about giving up. I don't mind the extra work and the extra mess that comes with her being on the young side. I think she's doing really well and I've realised that the accidents that happened at home at the beginning of the week were to do with her wearing leggings in the house and also not prompting her to go to the potty after coming home from being outside.

Travel potty...they are your friend. My carry pottys are really good

I would just get her to wear leggings and stuff personally though. I mean it's not practical to be naked outside, so the quicker she learns wearing clothes the better. For this reason I've never understood or liked the o crap method. I think if you're following that to the letter, you have to be inside for about two weeks and not go out or if you do it's dress and no knickers 😱🤷‍♀️

I would also at this stage pop her on the potty regularly. For example if she goes every forty mins pop her on every 35 mins? I'm a great believer in mixing it up a bit and not taking books as gospel, find your own way.

I mean it's not a stress to do this for us

I was just picking up the fact you said it’s bloody hard work and not enjoyable. I just wanted to say don’t feel bad if you decide not to. As I myself found that book made me feel a bit rubbish and did end up stressing us out unnecessarily.

With going out you’ll probably just have to encourage her to go when she gets somewhere, when you leave and also watch fluids so you know when she’s likely to go. Plus a portable potty when you can.

DD did well initially at that age but it became clear she just physically couldn’t hold it for long enough and it was still a bit tricky to sort out her clothing at that point. I didn’t want to constantly think about when she was going to wee.

She remembered a lot from before I think, I’m glad we didn’t power through and waiting a few months extra helped. Didn’t confuse her and she got used to nappies again pretty quickly.

Good luck anyways! The weather is nice so that’s definitely a help.

@daisyandroses yes I was 100% in the place of not enjoying it at the beginning of the week you are right and thank you for saying that there's no shame in postponing for a few months, I really do appreciate that. I think it's important to do what your gut says and not give into external/internal pressures. I also am kind of coming to the conclusion that the oh crap method is quite good but also I think you need to take what you need from it and do what you need to do in your own situation with your own unique little person. She does make out like any other way won't work which I don't think is true but she has some helpful stuff in there too.

I must admit since DD has been to my parents now and she is going consistently in the potty (bottoms free) I do feel encouraged and want to persevere. I got a pair or size 2-3yo knickers for her to wear under her dresses when we are out and about and I think because they are baggy she isn't wetting them. I also think that I'll continue to put her in leggings/joggers/no knickers when its cold and we are out. Thanks for the advice re when we arrive/leave somewhere - I've actually noticed she always needs when we get back to the house.

@opalfeet yes after a week of potty training I completely agree about needing to wear clothing - they just need to get used to it! Thanks for your recommendation of a travel potty - I've been carting her actual potty everywhere! Haha!

Sounds like you’re doing great. It’s only day 5 - I think mine were naked waist down for the first 3-4 days and we didn’t really leave the house for a couple of weeks. Keep going, try not to stress. It’s exhausting but she’ll get there eventually

Sounds like you are doing well but maybe skipped ahead a bit. We were pretty much home for a week then moved to lose joggers. Day 7 was the worst for us but day 8 turned a corner. Hit another rough spot later on, can’t remember what it was, but again things clicked and we came out of it. But it takes longer than the book suggests and longer than lots of methods online but we persevered. Definitely felt it was weeks before it faded into the background for us but we got there and am v happy to have it sorted so much earlier than with my son, who was over 3 and it ended up being way more protracted and difficult. Or maybe I’m just terrible at potty training! Many may say that if it took that long to get sorted he wasn’t ready, but the Oh Crap author says it’s about believing they have the ability and supporting them, rather than waiting for signs. I dutifully waited with my middle son and may still be waiting, so we went early and tried oh crap with our third and really value it.