Challenging 6 Year Old - HELP!

[Copperpan123]

Hi,

I have a just turned 6 year old boy who's gone into 2nd year at Primary School. He's always struggled with social interaction and can sometimes lash out at other children and reacts quite impulsively. However, he is a very intelligent and emotionally sensitive child, with a vivid imagination and loves adult company, and I've seen him have wonderful interactions with his peers too. In reception and Y1, school felt he had some sensory needs (always putting things in his mouth, chewing him clothes etc) and gave him various chew and fiddle toys to use in class in the hope it would help Jim focus. However, he continues to be disruptive during lessons, disturbing other children, and generally doesn't seem focused on his work, despite these efforts by school. In saying that, there aren't any concerns about his learning although perhaps writing isn't his strong point! He is an incredible reader and his vocabulary is exemplary (although I'm biased!).

He struggles with wee accidents and is under a continence team, but otherwise is fit and healthy and school do not feel he has any diagnosable behavioural or developmental difficulties.

Since he started Y2, school have set up a communication log book which is sent home with him each day to tell us how his day has been. Today I read the 7th comment in a row saying how he continues to disrupt class, doesn't do his work and has lashed out at other children (picked up a chair on one occassion, raised his hand to hit on another occassion). He is not like this at home, although understandably sometimes has temper tantrums.

Honestly I don't know where to go with this anymore. We are relatively strict parents and feel we instill good values. We will always talk about what has happened at school and emphasise what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. He is loved, well cared for and has lots of activities with his peers outside of school to help him with his social interactions.

I'm at breaking point. I feel I'm failing. That this is my fault. That he was a blank canvas when he was born and I've somehow ruined his future.

Do I discipline him for what happens in school?
Is this normal?
Is there something wrong with him?
Is there something wrong with his school?
Why haven't they asked for a meeting?
Will it get better?

Honestly I feel like I'm looking into the abyss....that he's going to get expelled from school and his future will be unhappy and lonely.

Is there anyone else that has experience with similar children, or advice on what I should do?

Thank you for any words you may have xx

I think you need to ask to meet with people like his teacher, their SEN team so you can discuss your child's needs and what they can put in place for support.

Very similar to mine! I would see about an assessment for ADHD and sensory processing disorder. The chewing and emotional regulation could be indicators of both (also possibly ASD).

I would also look at interoception, there is a really useful video here (and although it talks about autism, interoception difficulties are not exclusive to autism)

And it is not school's place to say whether he is diagnosable with anything. They are sufficiently concerned to identify sensory needs early on, they know he is under the care of a continence team and they've put a communication book in place - for a child who has no needs that's quite a lot of need already identified.

I think I would want to set up a meeting with the SENCO and ask them what support structures they are putting in place to support him. If he is dysregulated at school but not at home, what are they doing to help him regulate? Can they do the zones of regulation with him? Does he get frequent movement / sensory breaks? Are they using shame techniques as discipline because if he does have ADHD these are counterproductive? What are they doing to reduce sensory overload in the classroom?

I would also get a copy of The Out of Sync Child and use some of those strategies.

Personally I wouldn't discipline him for what happens in school. He is intelligent and sensitive - he knows he shouldn't be disruptive. What is happening there to mean he can't override those impulses? I wouldn't be massively impressed with the school shrugging it off as 'nothing diagnosable, your problem' when evidently you are meeting his needs at home because he's fine at home, they are failing to meet his needs at school.

Thank you both for your comments and suggesgions, really appreciate it - his reception teacher really supported his sensory needs (she is also the school SENCO) but I feel like it's dropped off since he went into Y1 and Y2, plus covid obviously messed any confidence he'd built up!