Fitting everything in!

[2much2do2littletime]

Hi - I'm looking for advice from others who have been there as struggling to work out what is best to do as I feel what we are doing at the moment won't cut it for much longer.
My DS is 8 and does a number of after school activities - he has something on every day of the week bar one. When he gets home from school he's tired and in no state to be starting homework straight away - needs some time to decompress/have a snack etc. His after school activities usually take up 1.5hrs of time, most of which are a come home & get changed quickly and back out again situation. He has sports stuff for 3 of the days and the 4th day is music... and he does a separate musical instrument at school now too.
What I am worried about is when school start doing homework this year (from next week) he will be getting more than he has before and I don't actually know when he will have time to do it that won't turn into a battle. He already struggles to get in enough practice on the one instrument and so squeezing in time for the 2nd instrument is tricky and then there will be homework.
How do you manage it all? Do your kids just get into the habit of doing their homework when they are tired and grumpy, or is it just my child that is really awkward about it? (I doubt it).
I know that school day + after-school activity of 1.5hrs doesn't take up the whole of his waking day, but come 5pm I'm cooking tea for his younger siblings and then once that's done it's pretty much get the little ones up to bed and then it's his bedtime after theirs. I just don't know when I can devote time to over-seeing that he's doing / knows how to do his homework? He's perfectly average intelligence I think, but still young for his age in that he needs some directing with things, so i feel he needs one of us to help him a bit, but post tea time I don't have the time to give him 😕.
Any tips? Should my DS be more self-sufficient with homework now? What about music practice? Do you just tell them to go do it and leave them to it? Or do you listen and help?
I feel guilty that i haven't got much time to devote to him these days and it feels like he will have no time to just 'play' & I'm wondering if he does too many activities after school but then he does less than a lot of his friends..! Any help appreciated, thanks x

I think you just have to work out how to do more than one thing at once, so if you have room sit him in the kitchen to do his homework while you cook dinner or get him to do his music practice whilst the little have their bath.

Ultimately though, if he can't manage his homework he'll have to have a think about which activity he wants to drop.

How much homework will he get? At our primary it's supposed to take 30 minutes (one or two pieces for the whole week, in total), although it invariably takes longer with mine... Surely he won't have much at 8?

8 is a tricky age for this - you feel like they should be pretty self-sufficient with homework but mine aren't/weren't. I would expect him to take more responsibility for getting it done and need less help with it as the year goes on, but I would think he'll still need quite a lot of help at the moment. As the PP says, get on with other things around him and explain that you aren't able to sit with him and go through everything step by step, and he should gradually get used to doing more on his own. As I remind mine, they wouldn't have a teacher (who knew what they were doing) at their shoulder, doing the work with them, if they were doing it in school...

Reading your post is exhausting so I can see why you struggle to fit it all in!

I wonder whether you need to rationalise his activities and give him some down time, this is as important as after school activities imo

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent thanks for your reply - I probably do need to get better at doing more things at once - the little ones make it v hard though as tbh it's a challenge cooking tea without all hell breaking loose with them and so DS wouldn't get a look in, or be able to concentrate on doing what he needs to do at that time. The problem I have is that he needs supervision or at least to have me available to ask questions, but when he's at home most of the time the little ones are too and they are manic at that time as they are tired after nursery so they are full on.

@aliloandabanana I'm not sure how much he's going to get, all I know is that it will be more than last year and we struggled with that as it was and he didn't have the extra musical instrument then. He had spelling sheet, reading (3x), and a maths worksheet and a 'learning conversation' about topic work last year.
I think that's the thing - at 8 he is on the cusp of being able to more self sufficient but isn't quite there yet. He rushes stuff as he doesn't want to do it and often misses things he's meant to do if I don't point it out to him. Most of the time he doesn't struggle with it once he actually knows what he's meant to be doing, but he does seem to struggle with actually reading what he's meant to do, which I find frustrating!

Sounds like more activities on than he is able for. Every child is different in what they can manage.

My 8 year old still needs a lot of pushing to get homework done. Homework is given on a weekly basis, not daily. I work shifts so usually have a catch up day when we spend more time on homework and catch up on anything he didn't get done yet for the week. And even go ahead and do the week's reading, for example. (They have a good memory so are able to remember each days stories)

@bungabungaboo I agree that downtime is important too - I feel torn about the activities. He is genuinely doing about half the activities of some of his peers and I honestly don't know how they do it all? Admittedly they don't have younger siblings to contend with so maybe they just go to bed later and do homework after activities but before bed? I know that I only did 2 things after school at his age, so it feels a lot, but I don't want him missing out cause I can't organise my life to help him do it all

That is a lot of activities. My 8 yr old dd does 4 things (one is at home and short) and decided against joining another thing as she thought it would be too much. Even with three afternoons free for the park or playdates we still struggle to build in remembering to practice her piano and do her weekly homework assignments (not tim serious yet thankfully). I also have two younger ones and I couldn’t manage as many things as you mention plus the homework it sounds like he will be getting. I wouldn’t compare yourself to his peers. Some of my dd’s friends do more than her but they are all in different situations, some need the activities so they can continue working, the child is harder to entertain at home or they don’t have younger siblings to work into the logistics. Does your son want to do all those things? To answer your specific questions though I wouldn’t think you need to oversee music practice and you should be able to set them off with homework and maybe go through it with them afterwards. And for what it’s worth, I’ve had multiple chats with friends recently that are essentially versions of your questions. It’s a really tricky thing to help your child discover what they might be interested in by sorting activities for them, support them in pursuing it, but also not overwhelm them when they are still relatively young. And you have your own ability to get them to places and the needs of the younger siblings to take into account as well. I dread to think how I’ll manage it when all three of mine are doing separate activities throughout the week!

That's a very busy day for an 8 year old. I can well imagine that he is a bit tired and grumpy. Homework ar that age should take no more than 15 to 20 minutes. I would give DS some downtime when he gets home and then tackle homework. Can DS read to you while you cook dinner. When my dc were younger that is what I did as I was cooking the dinner.

Mine are now 13 and 16 but when my eldest was 8 she had a younger sibling who I needed to think about too.

DH worked away then so I was selective about what they did.

There are lots of 'opportunities' for them and these do not disappear imo

Some things we did I started to young, snd wish I had waited

You need to do what works for you and your family, don't feel guilty if you are struggling to keep up perhaps a change is necessary

I’m with @bungabungaboo. Are so many after school activities really that important? My DC is 8 and I find school in itself is a big task and eats a huge chunk of the day and takes it out of DC. They are using their brain a lot during school with multiple lessons and then there’s sport incorporated in the school day 3 times a week. For me, I don’t mind DC just relaxing after school and getting homework in etc.

@InnPain our school don't do as much sport as yours sadly - only have PE once a week, so I feel some sporting activities are important. I must admit though that I think we could definitely drop one, but annoyingly the one I think would be best to drop (as it's at an awkward time and takes up a lot of time travel wise too) is the one he wants to do most.

I wish there was no homework in primary - there have been a number of studies saying it is not helpful.
However I think he needs to choose two activities. When your younger ones start how will you fit it all in then? Maybe one of his activities can be at the weekend and your partner can ferry him. Or can you car share with another parent doing the same activity? Even then fitting homework in will be difficult. After school homework club?
Basically, it's not you. As for kids that do twice as much - really? The kids I know who had loads of outside school activities either were super organised themselves, had other people to take them, or, sadly, were completely overwhelmed.
There are only so many hours in the day and so much you can do. Break it down and stick it on a chart if you need to - and cut down where required.

Our primary is half an hour a night from y2, plus half an hour of reading. The primary 5 minutes around the corner has a no homework policy. Stupid.

Now mine are y6 they have 30 mins maths, 30 mins English, 30 mins reading. This is a bog standard primary.

Some of the extras have to go, mine have chosen their favourite and it takes quite a bit of time. They do the homework because they don't want to get in trouble but they're shattered most of the time.