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Parenting

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Original poster

How do I help my son with school!

16 replies

november90 · 14/09/2021 10:32

He's just started reception and he is really unhappy about going - I say unhappy but I mean hysterical and when he gets upset he gets really angry. He doesn't like his uniform, I've tried so many different types of shorts and pants etc but he has always been sensitive to clothes and getting dressed, it really is the major trigger for his behaviour. Once he's dressed he's wonderful! His dad dropped him off at school today and apparently it was a really bad morning and he was screaming and being held back. I'm so upset. I've called school and he's happy but I think it was because his dad had him put his shoes and socks on in the car so he wasn't over that upset before going in and also he's associating school with his uniform. Has anyone been through this and have any advice? I'm so worried about Thursday morning when he's next in and getting him ready :(

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Sirzy · 14/09/2021 10:36

What does he normally wear? Can you get that in vaguely school colours and then build up to “proper” uniform if needed when he is settled in.

2lsinllama · 14/09/2021 10:37

What is it about the uniform he doesn’t like? Is it because it’s new or the labels irritate? My son has SPD and even at 13 I have to cut labels out of everything.

Original poster

november90 · 14/09/2021 10:43

I think that it's a mixture of him being really stubborn and not wanting to wear his uniform and also he doesn't like how his pants feel. He's always worn leggings, doesn't like joggers or thick/floppy materials so he doesn't like his school trousers. I did see that M&S did some knitted school pants but I'm not sure if getting them will mean he never wears his school pants again and ends up getting picked on because he's wearing girls pants!
He also hates socks. They are either too big or too small. If he could wear sandals t shirt and shorts every day I think he would skip into school no problem 🙈

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Original poster

november90 · 14/09/2021 10:44

@2lsinllama I think he has SPD too, or maybe aspects of it. Just with clothes. His dad completely dismissed this but I see him struggle with textures and I don't know what to do to help him! But there is a massive element of him not wanting to wear them too because once he's at school he's fine!

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RandomMess · 14/09/2021 11:47

I would put him school shorts.

RandomMess · 14/09/2021 11:48

That was a bit blunt.

For now so what you can. Shorts is an easy switch.

Have you bought those seamless toes socks? I want some for myself tbh.

2lsinllama · 14/09/2021 15:42

How is he with food and/or noise?

adaptiveness · 14/09/2021 16:23

If you think it is the getting dressed that is the issue, rather than wearing the clothes ... get him dressed, shoes and all, as soon as he wakes up. Then it's a case of, you have to wear this in order to go play, not in order to go to school.

Otherwise, have a look at M&S adaptive clothing. They are very comfortable, without seems/labels etc. for children with sensory issues.

To be honest, I'd just let him wear something comfy for the first term or two. But as it's winter you could also put his comfy leggings, or a long sleeve vest, on underneath his uniform?

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 14/09/2021 16:31

Ds1 had issues with the feeling of clothing including labels and buttons. Only now at 18 will he wear clothing with buttons! Even trying on clothes I had to hold the card label so it never touched him.

Get your son dressed the second he wakes up, food and therefore breakfast and maybe tv is a great motivator to get dressed.

Ds2 has always been a more difficult child, so I still dressed him at 7. Yes he was more than capable and clearly did it in school for PE but I couldn't be doing with the arsing around so just got him up and immediately dressed. He finally stopped complaining about socks not feeling right at 14. Sorry.

I think empathise with him, yes you understand he doesn't like the clothes and maybe tell him something you don't like doing, but that he has to go to school and these are the rules for going to school - you have to wear the uniform.

I think it is something you have to take a hard line on but remain really calm as it can fuel their outrage if you also get frustrated (understandably so) at this every morning. He isn't in any pain, just frustrated at the experience.

Original poster

november90 · 14/09/2021 20:44

Thanks for much guys, some really good advice! He came home from school today and I took him to his first swimming lesson and he's been so lovely, I feel bad for even making this post!
I think it's a mixture, I think he feels in comfy in the clothes and doesn't want to wear them. He just wants to wear his normal familiar clothes! I agree about getting him dressed first thing! That way at least he can put it all behind him. He is good at regulating himself, once he's moved on from the upset he's normally done and doesn't dwell!
He can be sensitive to sounds but he had chronic ear infections and glue ear up until he had his grommets fitted in 2019. Due to Covid he's never had a follow up. He did have a hearing test which boarderline failed and his reading was still flat but again no follow up due to Covid.
He's not an adventurous eater....
I'm not worried about autism or anything like that as his social skills are great but I know he does have some sensory issues... I wish I knew the best way to support him with these!

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stripedbananas · 14/09/2021 20:56

DD always used to want her clothing labels cut out

DS currently not wanting to wear his new school trousers preferring the old ones as they're softer.

Currently washing new ones a million times with fabric softener to soften them up, fingers crossed.

stripedbananas · 14/09/2021 20:57

If he still refuses to wear them I'll have to look elsewhere to replace

2lsinllama · 14/09/2021 20:58

Best way I’ve found to deal with SPD is to do as much as possible to avoid issues - like cutting out labels etc but trying to get the child to deal with things by themselves as much as possible. Also I struggled to get other members of the family on board - my dad for example would say that an aeroplane wasn’t that loud and I had to explain that it was very loud to my son. We still have a few issues but he can cope with them himself

Original poster

november90 · 14/09/2021 21:50

@2lsinllama yes I do think that he gets dressed better when he does it himself as he feels like he's achieved something! But you're right, I feel pressure from others. Not everyone understands that some things bother him and it's often mistaken for bad behaviour and it bothers me! I think if I had more patience in the morning then it would be better but it's just so hard!

@stripedbananas haha yes! why don't they like the feel of new things?! I love it!

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Indecisivelurcher · 14/09/2021 21:53

My ds has always written leggings too as he hates flappy trousers. He's just started school too and has chosen shorts every day so far. I've got some skinny fit trousers from M&S that I'm hoping he'll wear when it's baltic.

Indecisivelurcher · 14/09/2021 21:54

Worn leggings, sorry

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