Facts of life - what age would you start to talk about this?

[ellymay1]

I have 3 kids, DS 11, DD 8 and DS 5. I guess I am most concerned about my DD. I started my periods relatively early (10 years old) and I dont know when I should explain to her about it? I dont want her to hear from someone else but she isnt very mature for her age either! So I dont think now is appropriate. AT what age do you all talk about this and has anyone found any good books to support the process? Love to hear what you think

Elly

um, i have earlier than your youngest child in very basic terms.

I answer questions as and when they arise - DD is 5yo so so far have only been on a very low level.

I always kept the packets of tampons/sanitary towels openly in the bathroom, so the opportunity to talk about what they were arose very early with both my dd and my ds, probably the first time around 3 or 4, but then the topic would crop up every now and then (they do forget what you tell them!). As for more general stuff about babies, again on and off from the age of 4 or thereabouts. They've also seen a fair few nature films, and I breed tropical fish, so now and then I've drawn comparisons/pointed out dissimilarities between human and animal reproduction. I was trying (in a very basic way) to explain genetics to my ds (7) the other day, as his sister has a genetic disorder; he was also interested in a friend who has Downs syndrome. And when he asked what the condom machine in the loo was for, I told him.
To sum up, I'd say he knows that the mother's egg and the father's sperm come together in an act resembling the animals' mating on TV, but much more cuddly and romantic, and that this is a way that grown-ups express special love for each other. He knows that this does not always produce babies, and that there are things you can use if you just want the love-making but not a baby at that particular time (at this moment I filled in with how very much we wanted him and how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant). He has seen pictures of the baby growing in the mummy's tummy and been told stories of his own ultrasound scan etc. He knows the baby is normally born through a hole betweeen the mummy's legs and that this can take quite some time and hurt, but that the mummies don't mind that, because having a baby is such a very special thing. He knows he was born through a Caesarian, which I have described in detail (not perhaps a necessary piece of information, but it wasn't a very traumatising experience, so I thought I might as well). I have also lightly touched on some of the changes that will happen to his body when he starts growing up, but in a casual we-can-talk-about-this-later sort of way; I expect to come back to this several times. He is aware that you don't have to be married to have a baby, but you do have to be grown-up.
My dd (11) knows this, and quite a bit more. She understand the biology behind periods and knows how to use the gear. I haven't sat down and had The Big Talk, more that conversation has drifted in that direction now and then. I have also touched in a casual we'll-talk-more-about-this-later way on the fact that some girls do get pregnant very young and that I don't think this is a good idea, that you can get diseases through unprotected sex, and that eventually when she gets older she will probably want to have sexual experiences for herself and that then we will need to talk about protection etc. But I have always made a conscious effort to focus on the positive, that I believe sex is intrinsically something good, that I believe she will grow into a very responsible person who will make good choices, and that my experience of love and its results (her!) have been very very special.

ditto scorpio

What have you already told her? Is it just the periods angle you are worried about broaching, or is the whole "where babies come from" topic what's worrying you?

are you in London? the science museum does good books for children on this. I wouldn't waste much time particularly for the older kids. I started to explain when my dd was 4, just the basics and I have added bits as she grows older.

DD is 6yo and recognises tampons and knows where they 'go' and at what age periods start etc. I have just answered questions as they came up. She asked how babies were made, so I told her in 1 sentence - the daddy's willy goes into the mummy's front bottom, and that's called sex.

She's not embarassed at the moment and neither am I.

DS is 4 and DD is 2. They know some basics about the facts of life - they have seen me changing sanitary towels and know that I have blood every month.

DS knows that babies grow inside a mummy but that is as far as he seems to be interested in at the moment.

I have three DDs, aged 14, 13 and 8. I kept a lookout for signs of puberty and got them appropriate books to read and encouraged them to talk to me about their questions. They both still managed to know all about it having talked to their friends!

all of my kiddies have known about periods from a very young age simply as I have NEVER had any privacy in the bathroom as we have no locks on the doors anymore (since DD1 n 2 locked themselves in once and I had to get a neighbour to climb thro the open window and let them out!!).

altho I am discrete they have still seen a certain amount and it has triggered Q's, which I have answered in terms appropriate to age.

I now have a 13yo DD who is in no way nervous of puberty and her changing body (altho she has yet to start her periods), and as far as I am aware none of my others seem phased about changes in their own bodies. they all know mummy will explain whetever they need to know (altho having said that, I am not sure how I will tackle boys bits yet!!!) and so all of them seem content.

I am glad it has been like this tho as the thought of having to sit down to give 'the talk' would terrify me!

mine are 4 and 5 and know the basics. I answer questions honestly when they arise, but very basically if the infomation is not enough for them they ask more questions but if they dont you know you have said enough to satsify there needs

Tell them as young as possible in my opinion, don't make it into a big deal. The Talk. I've discussed all sorts of facts of life with dd who is 3. She understands some stuff at her own level and interest, so where babies come from interests her, periods don't really, breasts for breastfeeding does, sex - not a flicker.

I answer questions she asks honestly and factually accurate using appropriate language.

Why not just say sonething like 'have any of your mates started their periods yet?' whilst washing up if you feel uncomfortable that way you can both 'busy' yourselves and avoid awkward silences.

I've done proper chats about periods as soon as they turned 9. And lots of informal snippets about puberty etc before then.

I'm very reassured to read this thread. I have Ds1 who is 4.5 and he knows about the baby growing in my tummy etc and that it started off as an egg and (vaguely) how it will come out (he asked DH "Where will the baby come out of Mummy's tummy?" and DH tried to avoid the issue by answering "In the hospital" - he did have to give him the right answer in the end).
He hasn't yet asked anything about how the egg knows when to start growing or the like and I hope I can be honest but not too technical when he does! Glad to see that others have done so.

IIRC there is a very good book that tells you how to deal with each Q as it comes up depending on their ages (ie, period Q's give 4 answers, one aimed at tinies, one at 8/9yo, one at 11/12yos and one for brothers!). I think it is by usborn but not entirely sure. I had it myself but lent it on and I don't remember it coming back, but then I never felt I truly needed it as I just answer as Q's arise rather than go find and read IYGWIM.

I will try and find out tomorrow at some point as it is a very good book if you are feeling rather overwelmed by it all.

If you can get a book to guide you I think that's probably the way to go and see some suggestions have been made. My DD asked at 5 as her fathers gf was expecting. Tried to fob her off but she wanted the real deal explained which I did. Then stressed I'd explained too much iyswim. For girls and periods 8yrs onwards.

Although explaining to my ds that he was conceived in a lab via IVF daunts me, it amuses me somewhat that when he is older and disgusted by the thought his parents must have had sex at least once, he can kid himself we didn't!!

I read thst as 'he was conceived in a labia'

pinetree! That's very funny - imagine telling a kid that!