I'm failing as a mum because of undiagnosed anxiety and depression.

[whatevenissleepanymore]

Exactly what the title says. I feel as though I am failing as a parent because of undiagnosed depression and anxiety. I have felt like way since the beginning of my parenting journey.

I'm desperately unhappy, constant low energy and negative thoughts, an imbedded feeling of being overwhelmed, always irritable and snappy, exhausted, overweight, in a bad financial situation which I've never overcome since MAT leave, just trying to survive through each and every day and it's been like this since I gave birth to my DD in 2019. I don't have a great relationship with my partner, I lost touch with the vast majority of friends during pregnancy, although I do have a great relationship with my parents and they are very supportive which has been my sanity over the past 2 years.

I have avoided contacting my GP to seek help because I've convinced myself that AD's will only mask how I'm feeling and will deplete me even more when I try them and they don't make any improvement on how I'm feeling. I've also in the back of my mind have been holding out in hope that things will begin to get better naturally and it's just a phase etc. But after 2 years of feeling this way I've become very desperate and just want to feel some kind of normality. Before giving birth to my DD I'd never experienced any forms of depression or anxiety.

My DD deserves better. I dread my days alone with her as I just don't have the energy to entertain her, I don't have the energy to play with her. I just want to bury my head in my phone or curl up in a ball in bed with Netflix on and ignore that the rest of the world exists. I don't have the funds to take her out and spend quality time with her which restricts me to the house as I also don't drive either which makes me feel trapped.

Not sure of the point of this post really - I'm just reaching out in hope someone else can relate to this and give me abit of a hand hold.

Sounds tough OP. Here's a hand. Sure others will be along with advice.

See your GP today. If they think ADs won't help they will say that - they are the expert. Make an appointment.

💐 for you.

I’ve had depression and anxiety on and off for most of my life and had always resisted ads. Following the birth of my DTs I carried on resisting until they were 8 months old and I’d worked out a plan of how to remove myself from their life when SS were going to take them away which was my biggest fear and a load of old bollocks but that’s anxiety for you! I started taking them as I couldn’t carry on and my children needed me. They’ve saved my life. The world became colour again and I positively enjoyed them rather than dreading every day.

The depression cleared up, and my anxiety disappeared for the most part. Over the years I’ve had various spells of counselling, and cbt for ocd and I wish I’d taken the pills beforehand rather than putting myself through complete and utter hell.

Have you ever taken ads before? It would be worth going to see your GP anyway or at least self referring for some talking therapy even if you don’t want the pills.

I’m sorry things are so difficult for you, there’s a hand hold from me here.

I feel for you OP, it's hard when you feel this way but it's really important you seek help so that you feel better and you can in turn have the head space to interact with your daughter and get some joy from life again. Go and see your GP and explain how you're feeling, even if you just start off with "I've been feeling incredibly low and I need some help" - they will take the conversation from there. It may be that they suggest AD medication to help you in the here and now but you can also ask for counselling to get to the root of why you feel the way you do. Doing both of these things together should help you. X

OP I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I could have written exactly the same message a year ago. Please, please go to the GP and get some support, you may not be willing to try ADs, but there is other help available, CBT, talking therapies. Sometimes you can self refer, you don't even need a GP. I wouldn't discount ADs though, it's tough with side effects for a while, but my personal experience is that they were utterly life changing. From lying in bed all day crying feeling like the worse mother ever, to being able to live and enjoy life again. It's tough when money is hard, but there are others things you can do with your DD, local nature walks or scavenger hunts, taking her to the park, getting a bus to town, the local library; also look for free/donation stay and plays in church halls. I know even this incredibly difficult right now, but with the right medical support, even making small changes can make a world of difference. Sending a big hand hold, you're not alone

Please see your GP.

You don't have to take anti depressants if you don't want to (although the right ones will help), there are other treatment and support options they can offer you.

Additionally, your depression and anxiety may have an underlying physical cause or contributor which would be worth investigating. Eg nutritional deficiencies aside, there are treatable medical conditions that can cause or worsen depression and anxiety.

Let your gp help.

Hi OP, sorry you are going through this, I just joined for similar support. I have started seeing a really good online coach/therapist. I can do it when the kids nap. They are good and affordable. I would not take the AD before you tried this, It’s not good to rely on meds always.
Hope you will be ok, here too xx

I went through a similar experience and realised that I almost certainly have undiagnosed ADHD. The constant feeling of overwhelm, failure and forgetfulness is typical of inattentive ADHD. I actually went as far as to make a psychiatrist appointment for PND and ended up writing down the wrong time so I missed it because I showed up 6 hours late. But just like you, I felt that ADs weren't the answer because my problem was a constant state of anxiety and depression caused by overwhelming external things. If those went away or if I had a few days off then I would feel better immediately. I didn't feel clinically depressed or suicidal, just completely overwhelmed by life.

Not sure if this is helpful but might be worth taking a look into ADHD (especially symptoms in undiagnosed adult women). ADHD medications work very differently to ADs so it's not worth putting yourself through all the potential side effects & withdrawal of ADs without being positive that's the root cause. ADHD affects 7% of the population so it's not rare by any means.

ADs are not not going to mask things like that. For me, they're the difference between being functional and not. Yes, the sh** is still there but I can get up and deal with it. I am also more likely to actually take care of myself and want to be around my child.
Like last week- told we had to move everything out of storage within 48 hours. Few minutes flap then get a plan and get on with it.

Get yourself some venlafaxine. Best drug ever, saved my life.

Please speak to your gp
You don't have to feel like this there are things that can help you - book the appointment it's just a start to talk to someone about how you feel and what the options would be you don't have to commit to anything but it's just a small step towards getting some help that's right for you - I'm sure they'll give you time to think about it and hopefully follow you up

It's really common how you're feeling. Your GP will support so many others feeling a similar way to you and there's absolutely no shame in asking for some advice

Sending hugs it's really so hard to feel like this but you can feel better xx

I was so scared to take AD but it changed my life I took them for 12 months and then came off them, but I wouldn't think twice if I felt the same again it really did help me

Oh OP, I felt exactly the same way after DS2 and I battled on in denial for about 6 months. I went to my GP because I felt so guilty that I just wasn't present, after a really good chat I realised that AD were worth a try and they made a massive difference.

They were rough to begin with (exhaustion and heightened anxiety for a few weeks, plus a constant headache) but they made me feel human again. I'm sure there would have been an alternative if I didn't want to take medication, there are many CBD courses that my dr offers.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, remember that it isn't your fault and it's more common that you think. I hope you're feeling better soon.