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Parenting

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Original poster

3 year old won’t share with sibling

15 replies

newtothis20 · 11/09/2021 20:11

Help! We have a 3 year old DS and 1 year old DD. Everything the 1 year old picks up our DS either takes it off her or starts whining and saying he wants it. If she then moves on to another toy or book then the same thing happens. It’s relentless. And it’s not just toys, if she gets a certain plate for her food then he’ll say he wants that one and then sulks. I don’t know what to do to try and change his behaviour but it makes having them both together really hard work and I feel sorry for my DD who constantly just haves things snatched off her. Is this just him being 3 or is this common? Any suggestions very welcome and appreciated. For info I spend good one on one time with each and have tried to talk to him, acknowledge his feelings and ask him to think about what toys his sister might like to play with. But he always just picks some random thing like a single plastic egg and says the rest of the toys are for him

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flumpo · 11/09/2021 20:13

My DD was exactly the same. She grew out of it, maybe just praise every little thing she does which is kind. Also maybe buy some toys just for the baby.

Carleton · 11/09/2021 20:40

My son 2 years 10 months is same with 5 month old baby. He has got a bit better last few weeks but today he was bad for it. God help me when she's crawling properly and helps her self.

grey12 · 11/09/2021 20:50

It's a phase, they get over it.... very annoying

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Original poster

newtothis20 · 11/09/2021 20:53

Thank you, really appreciate the reassurance, it was starting to get be quite down. Thanks for taking the time to comment

OP posts:

winteroversummer · 11/09/2021 20:55

I could have written this, particularly the end part. DS2 was playing with some hot wheels cars today and DS1 took them off him and kindly replaced them with a single DUPLO block

ParkheadParadise · 11/09/2021 20:59

I'm really sorry but this made me laugh
But he always just picks some random thing like a single plastic egg and says the rest of the toys are for him

Growing up with 5 siblings I learned very early on to pick your toy and hold on to it for dear life.

Greenmarmalade · 11/09/2021 21:04

Very normal (very annoying!)

Strangevipers · 11/09/2021 21:09

"But he always just picks some random thing like a single plastic egg and says the rest of the toys are for him"

😂 as another poster said this made me laugh to.

Sounds really normal (annoying) but normal

negomi90 · 11/09/2021 21:10

Plates and things, can you get involved with choosing? Here are two plates, which is sister going to have? Which are you having?
Then he gets a bit of control over it in a limited way.
Anytime you see a hint of him sharing or giving things to his sister, make a huge fuss and pile on the positive attention. Make sharing immediately rewarding for him, until he gets in the habit of doing it for himself and you can tone the praise. Likewise if his sister hands him something, fuss over her.
You may need to artificially do it a few times. Take him with you and put something of hers (which he won't like) in his hands and help him give it to her, then make a fuss as if he did it himself.
You need to ride out the phase, but also make things as positive as possible to encourage sharing positively.

surreygirl1987 · 11/09/2021 21:11

I have a 1 year old and an almost 3 year old. Exactly the same situation. I presume it's just a phase. The toddler seems to think everything belongs to him and grudgingly allows his brother to have something random ... on his terms.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 11/09/2021 21:11

Could you let him choose? He just wants some control. So say “which plate would you like? Which plate shall we give your sister?”
If he wants to take a toy from her, ask him to choose something that he doesn’t want to use to swap with her. If he feel he has some control, he may settle.
Also, lots of bigging up how much she loves him “Your sister has eaten all her lunch today. I think she liked the plate you chose”.and “ooh, say thank you to your big brother. Look what he’s brought to swap with you. You’re so lucky to have such a kind, big brother,”
It will pass.

Original poster

newtothis20 · 11/09/2021 21:22

Ha! Yes this is exactly it, a single duplo block!!!

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Original poster

newtothis20 · 11/09/2021 21:23

Thanks everyone, massively cheered up :)

OP posts:

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 11/09/2021 21:23

Well Santa won't be bringing toys to dc who don't share will he??
Ime it's getting to that time of year and the opportunity to use the Red Suited Hero in some behaviour modification...

MrsSchadenfreude · 11/09/2021 21:28

When my two were that age, and DD1 did the same, DD2 silently walked to the bookcase, having been relieved of whatever it was she was playing with by DD1, picked out the biggest book she could find, and whacked DD1 over the head with it. I don’t condone violence, but it was funny, and there were no problems with sharing after that.

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