Looking for reassurance/advice 😱

[RtIouTHe]

So my LG is 10 weeks for the first 7 weeks she had horrid reflux and colic. She’s now coming through the other side of this thankfully! I hold her for all her day time naps as she will wake when put down in her sleepyhead. Now holding her to me isn’t a problem. Gives me some time to sit and relax. However a lot of family and friends have decided to tell me how I’m going to create a dependent child and how I’m “creating a rod for my own back”. Now I know I shouldn’t listen/care what they think but as a FTM it’s hard not to let little niggles in.

My LG will sleep in her next to me of a night sleeping most nights from 9-9:30pm to 4-5am waking for a feed then back to sleep until around 7am. I also have a sling which I’ll pop her in when it’s nap time and get some chores done around the house.

I’m suppose I’m just looking fit reassurance that even though I don’t actually think I am that I’m not “ruining” my child.

Also not exactly scientific but my mum said I was put down on my cot for every day time nap when little and I was an extremely shy child and probably quite dependant so surely the logic is flawed!

Smile and nod, smile and nod, then carry on doing your own thing. I got a lot of that when DD was a clingy baby who only slept on me. She's a gloriously confident 7 year old now who waltzes into new situations with a big smile on her face.

(I'm not saying its the only way or right way - DS would literally nap if you lay him on the floor for a minute! - but its obviously the right way for you and your baby, for now. If it ever stops working, you change it.)

It's entirely your choice, there's no right or wrong. You certainly won't ruin your child. I love the cuddles and did the same initially, but I found mine settled less well being held as they got bigger because they seemed to get disturbed by general noise etc... and so it got to the point where they napped better in their bed than in my arms and so we moved to doing that. The pros were that as they got bigger they would happily nap in their cots (good, long naps) but the cons were I missed the cuddles! Right now what you're doing suits you both so just keep doing it! I'm sure you've already discovered that things can change week by week with babies, so you can always change things up if it doesn't work for you at some point in the future.

Her night time sleep is brilliant for her age so you are definitely doing something right! Mine both did contact/sling/pram naps until six months old then I started thinking about independent sleep for cot naps. And even that is early compared to some babies. Just keep doing what works for you 😊

She's sleeping well! Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy those smooshy baby times.

It's worth knowing what baby care used to be like - back in 40s 50s 60s kind of time, people were told to follow a set routine where babies were fed, put down to sleep etc at set times every single day. To the extent that hungry babies would just have to cry if it was not their appointed feed time. Mothers were told that if they didn't do this, the babies would somehow manipulate their caregivers or be spoiled.

This is probably how your mother and grandmother were told to do things. It's bollocks, though a little routine can be useful when the baby is older.

Ask them about the advice they were given, I find it fascinating!

My son is 3 and sleeps fantastically independently. I never breastfed, but I wore him in a baby carrier, bed-shared from birth, I didn’t even introduce the concept of him having his own room until he was about 14 months old…
He’s become a bit more shy again thanks to COVID but if I had another child, I would parent them the exact same way as I parented (and still do parent) my 3 year old.

You’re not creating a rod for your own back. That’s such a shitty remark and makes no sense in the grand scheme of things.

Thank you all so much! Feel so much better! I just feel like we didn’t really get to enjoy the first 7 weeks as she was so poorly/unsettled for the first 7 weeks with reflux/colic. Now she’s such a content happy smily baby I feel like we’re really getting to enjoy ourselves and I love just looking at her when she’s napping. Will definitely continue as we are and if it stops working will change then!

If it’s right for you then it’s right for her. Happy baby happy mummy. Enjoy this time it goes too quickly. Those people giving you “advise” will always do it. You have to decide if you are going to ignore them or pull them up on it otherwise it will drive you mad.

My first son was similar. He never did really take to having cot naps. It was fine, there were times where I'd take him out I the pushchair, ir time a trip in the car so he could nap (when he was a bit older) your dc may be different, who knows? The night timesleep sounds amazing.

Do what suits you and your baby. She will feel secure and safe and may well be less clingy as a result

@RtIouTHe I could have written your post OP 🙈 Please just enjoy the cuddles 😊 You’ll know when it’s the right time to work on transitioning to the cot for nap time 😊 My DS is now 10 months - he transitioned to cot naps around 7.5months. Before that every nap was on me or out for a walk in the pram. As someone else has said, he reached a point at about 7.5months where he was starting to get disturbed by general noise so I transitioned him to his cot with white noise for naps and he got a much better nap there 😊
Felt so strange having my hands free 😳

You're not making a rod for your own back, they're still very little. I enjoyed the cuddles and naps and then my son had proper routine by about 6 months when he had cot naps. He still naps and sleeps fine in his COT. Being held didn't affect him, nor did sleeping with him on my bed for 3 months!

Thank you all so much. Typing my my LG girl naps happily in my arms 🥰 x

Nod and smile then stick to your guns. I do this with all of my foster babies when they are small and it pays huge dividends as they all, for the most part, seem to go on to be good sleepers with secure attachments

Came across this and sums it up perfectly I think!

I held DS for nearly all naps thanks to anxiety about him waking. But I needed that rest too. Definitely not a rod for my back

He goes to bed independently (ok it takes a while) and often sleeps right through, or even last night, had 2 bad dreams- about a minute from me and DH and he went back to sleep (I wanted a cuddle but....). Never ever sleep trained, left him to cry etc. ANything we changed was done gradually, with respect to his reaction and just gently building new habits e.g. rather than fall asleep on me, how about beside me as you're such a big boy now.

And he's on his first night away from both of us tonight (he's 4 but covid....) with my parents and sister. Hopefully he's not scamming them too badly for treats and screen time.