Is DD really ill? (sorry its long)

[Caladan]

DD is 12 (13 next month). Since as long as I can remember she has had anger issues. She started to self harm and we spoke to school and Dr about it. School gave her a councillor but she left after a couple of months, Dr said he would write to someone.
I had a call from a woman who told me Dr had been in touch but there was not much she could do but told me gave me the number for YES. The guy called and said DD got 6 sessions to talk to him if we wanted but it was via webcam as it was at beginning of covid. He seemed a nice guy and I left him to chat to DD, I over heard a bit of a conversation and basically DD had conned him. She spoke about school and the subjects she hates but nothing else. I told him on final session that she had conned him and he asked her and she said yes. He told me he could do no more as she had had her 6 sessions.
DD still has the anger issues but they seem to of calmed down a bit, well not as often as before. They seem to of turned in to anxiety attacks. She has no emotion, if someone is upset she just looks and either walks away or starts talking about herself. She has told us her friends come first and we come 2nd or 3rd if at all. I seem to be the one who her anger is aimed at every time but once she calms down she has no clue why she has said the nasty things.
Her diet is none existent, she hardly eats and when she does its bits and bobs or c*ap.
Couple of months ago she started to say she was having trouble breathing , her heart was racing and feeling dizzy so I took her up A&E. They did a ecg and checked her over and she was seen by a Dr who could not find anything wrong with her but said he would refer her to paediatric Dr's. We got the appointment a couple of weeks ago and got told her vit d is low but that is it. They arranged for her to have a 48 hour heart monitor on but when it came to it after 12ish hours the battery died on it. All of a sudden after it died she started to say she was feeling dizzy etc.
She claims that when she has been out with friends that she has fainted and that it has happened a few times at school but when asked the ppl say maybe? She was sent home a few times before the holidays as they said it was a precaution what with covid etc.
Last couple of days every time we ask her to do anything or tell her off she starts to complain about feeling ill. I have told her I will take her hospital if she is that bad but she refuses to go. We are now waiting to see the paediatric Dr for ecg results and what happens.
I don't know what to think anymore with her. Someone suggested ADHD, autism etc but I have no clue. She is dyslexic but that was not found out till year 6 at school.

So has she now been given Vitamin D if she is low?

That can cause all sorts of symptoms inc mood changes, depression, weakness, fatigue, pain etc. Having suffered low vitamin D myself I know how awful I felt.
It can take a few months for levels to improve if she is taking vitamin D, if she isn’t taking any and her levels are low she should be taking it, do you know how low her levels are?

If she is barely eating then she may have deficiencies etc which would cause physical issues. If you are concerned about ASD then then I would ask for a CAHMS referral and if you can afford it then get a private assessment.

This is so heartbreaking to read at just 12 years old. She is just a kid. I can’t imagine how sad & broken I’d feel if my DD’s were struggling so much with their MH at such a young age.

The eating & dizziness etc jumps out to me. If feel awful if I don’t eat much for just a couple days. It sounds like she’s probably just not eating enough to sustain herself. Is she very thin? Is this an eating disorder? What’s your home life like? Do you eat together as a family? Can you bring in non negotiable family meals? Your daughter is young, some family time should 100% still be a thing!

Are school involved? Supporting these issues?

Sounds like it might be an eating disorder. Going for long periods without food or bring very restricted will cause heart palpitations and lots of other dangerous side effects.

The breathing difficulties, heart racing and dizziness are classic panic/anxiety symptoms. I would be surprised if the ecg doesn’t come back normal but good to get it checked.

Autism is definitely worth exploring, ask fora CAMHS referral for further assessment.

I thought it sounded like an eating disorder and / or anxiety as well (but I'm not medically trained!). She's lashing out at you because she feels the safest with you.

As above but the part where she is saying its happening when you ask her to do something that's the part that she might be faking because its too convenient thst it develops when she needs to do something less pleasant

Not saying there isn't anything wrong clearly there is just saying she might play on it for your reaction

And if she tells you that your lower than her friends on her priority list suggest she ask them to pay for her clothes or phone next time 🤣 there is lashing out and there is being deliberately hurtful mind how you react to her words next time

Sounds like undernutrition. Possibly because of an eating disorder.

Not enough vitamins and minerals etc going into her.

She needs full bloods done to see what’s up with her.

I hope you get it sorted. Can you afford to get her private counselling?

The self-harm should be enough to elicit mental health intervention, surely? I know it's easier said than done but she should at least be on the CAMHS waiting list. Has she experienced some sort of trauma because these type of symptoms are often linked to that?