Toddler strong preference for mum

[Bancha]

Just wondering if anyone has any ideas
/tips.

DD is 19m. She was bf until 13m when she self-weaned (possibly relevant?!). I work part time, DH full time, so spend more time with her.

DD strongly prefers being with me to DH, often crying if DH is looking after her instead of me. When they are together they seem to have a great time, but then she will remember that I’m not around (say if I’m getting ready upstairs) and get upset and come and try to find me. She also struggles with transitions between us for care. She just left the house with him to go to a group, screaming and sobbing in his arms while I waved her off happily blowing kisses etc. Heartbreaking for all of us! Similarly she wants comfort from me and not him if she gets upset, often refuses a cuddle from daddy but wants one from me etc.

The weird thing is she is absolutely fine being left with her DGP and at nursery, and always has been. No trouble leaving her effectively with strangers the first time I left her at nursery.

Any ideas how to make this better? DH understands that it’s a phase and it’s not personal, but I know it’s starting to get him down. He’s a kind, fun dad. Sticks to her routine (sometimes runs a little late but not by much!), and is patient and calm with her, even when he’s rejected.

It's just a phase and will probably swap at some point at the future and you won't get a look in. Toddlers just don't care about any one else's feelings! You've just got to keep going and sharing the load as best you can.

We're deep in a mummy phase with my 3.5yo and we're both sick of it tbh - DH is constantly feeling rejected and I'm exhausted from being the only one who can do anything!

It’s completely normal and as @Wagglerock (brilliant name by the way) says will switch round. DS was always all about Daddy and when at about 2 it switched Daddy was most dischuffed!

We had this (and still have it at 26 months). We try to keep transitions bright and short – 'bye-bye, darling, have fun at X', possibly a hug, and I go back to what I was doing. Anything longer just seems to make it worse.

We also try not to let her choose who does what in terms of care, so for example we alternate who does bedtime (with occasional variations for work commitments, illness, etc.), and she accepted pretty quickly that if we said it's Daddy's night, it's Daddy's night. We are less good about this with smaller things...

Thanks for your replies, it’s helpful to hear it’s not just us. I keep worrying I’m doing something to make her feel insecure which is why she’s so clingy to me. But it just happens between me and DH.

We also try to keep transitions brief and cheerful, and don’t let her ‘dictate’ - we do alternate bedtimes as well. So it’s good to hear we’re on the right track. It’s exhausting to be so in demand all the time though!