ADVICE from blended family parent please

[ShimmyYay]

My DP and I have a child each from previous relationships. We also have our own joint baby. My DS’s father has him EOW and we have flexibility in that he can see him whenever he wants as well (they have a great relationship and have a joint hobby). On occasions my DS will ask to go see his dad on the weekend that is meant to be mine. I don’t have a problem with it however my DP does. I suspect it’s either because of his DD who would like to play with my DS or that his ex partner keeps a very strict routine which he adheres to and never gives him flexibility which I know he’s bitter about. How to I balance this situation? I can’t say to my son he can’t see his father because my DP DD is coming over and she needs him to play with her. Help!

It sounds as though your DP wants your DS to babysit his DD because he can be arsed to interact with her! if your son wants to tk see his Dad and you are fine with that and it isn't impacting on what you want to do as a family unit that weekend then I would tell DP to get lost. Your DS isn't a built in babysitter/playmate.

Your DP needs to butt out of your DS's relationship with his father, its none of his business. You & your EX have a very healthy attitude to joint parenting.

You don’t need to “balance” anything. You need to continue to put your DS needs first and continue with something that works.

You might also take note of your DP trying to lay down the law and think about that. Controlling behaviour often starts around pregnancy/new baby.

I thought to myself ok so if his DD wasn’t coming today would he have a problem with my DS going to his fathers - the answer is no. So it must be because he wants a playmate for his DD which I understand but equally not fair on my DS. What am I meant to say to my DS sorry you can’t go because my DP DD is coming over tonight?! Obviously that’s not right.

Don’t spend too much time speculating as to why he is doing it, just say no. And continue with what works.

Your son's relationship with his father is not his concern. If they want to see each other, it's none of his business. It's different if you were cancelling plans you all had together to accommodate it but this doesn't appear to be the case from what you've written.

Tell the boyfriend ‘No.’
That’s it.