Struggeling with two

[LVJ1989]

7 weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful daughter,were already blessed with a wonderful son but oh my gosh I'm struggeling. We got covid in the hospital so my daughters breathing was bad so she had to sleep upright on me for weeks, now she struggles when I put her down. My son has become very needy which I knew was to be expected but he is really pushing the limits with not listening, demanding cuddles when I'm breastfeeding daughter and his tantrums have turned to him hitting and throwing things. I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to gain from this post, I think I just needed a little vent before I explode. I never though I would miss no human contact, I constantly feel like I'm being pulled or jumped on. And I feel so awful for saying "no" and "stop it" to my son over and over again, even though he doesn't listen. I feel such mum guilt because I love them more than life and know so many would give everything to have two healthy children. I think I'm just a bit burnt out right now. Can anyone relate

Don't feel guilty! We've all been there. I had 18 months between my two and on maternity leave, I lived for DH coming home. The newborn stage is hard even without another child to look after. Honestly, don't expect too much of yourself. My goal was just to get everyone through the day alive

Have you a playground or something nearby so DS can let off some steam while DD is in the pram? Is he at an age where he might enjoy feeling he was helping, by bringing you things? Would he settle with you to read a book while you feed, so he's getting attention too? Or even snuggle up with you to watch TV? Use any weapon you can in this particular battle!

I know it's probably no consolation now but it gets so much easier, and it's such an amazing thing to watch them develop their own relationship later. It's so worth the hard early days, really!

The 1 to 2 children transition is hard but it will get better. Your son will accept the new family set up eventually, you just have to ride out this transitional stage. Don't be too hard on yourself.

We have a newborn (4.5wk old now), got 5 older kids (15, 10, 9 & twins 6). Well oiled machine now with so many years of experience, there are ups and downs but you endure.

It is so so hard, I can absolutely relate!

Have you tried validating your son's feelings as well as saying stop it? So eg 'I can see you are frustrated/feel left out/this is hard for you right now' 'I miss the time we had just you and me as well' 'It is quite annoying how often DD needs feeding, isn't it' ... Even though you still uphold the boundary that hitting and throwing things is not okay.

I found that for my eldest this was just something she had to process and it got much better after 3-4 months or so (can't remember exactly now). Anything you can do or say to help him feel seen and understood during this process will help.

Hi OP 💐💐💐
It’s exhausting have two like this!! ... but I can tell you it DOES get better and things will move on.. I had a similar situation to you with mine when they were young and it makes me shudder looking back ! I used to dread being on my own all day , I was tired , hormonal , lacked patience and had a very stroppy toddler like yours to deal with... but it lightened up and now two years on they play really well with each other and I love our days out together ( it’s still tiring! ) xx