Hobby for DS15

[Santatizer]

Help. DS is nearly fifteen and is very shy & antisocial. He's had a difficult few years and his self-esteem is low. He doesn't like going out and spends all his time in his room on his computer talking to a few friends / drawing / playing games. He is bright but hates school and doesn't have many friends. I feel very sad for him and am desperate to help him to find an activity that gives him some sense of fulfillment. He doesn't have much sticking power so it needs to be something that has initial easy wins. He's such a lovely young man and has been dealt a rough hand. Can anyone give any hobby / activity ideas or anything else I could do to help him? He's already having counselling and I have a new baby so am limited for time at the moment - plus he's a fifteen yr old boy, he doesn't want to spend time with me!! His stepdad and I can facilitate whatever he might like to do but he doesn't have any ideas when asked. Any ideas gratefully received!!

Well there is the obvious ones like football, cricket, rugby etc. You would have to make sure you got him into a group at the right level for him otherwise it could be counter productive.

Others that I know my friends kids who are less social go to are Sea Cadets or Air Cadets which seem to be good at encouraging kids out of their shells.

Cadets etc would be great
Very supportive environment

I second cadets. DS starts on Monday although he’s only 12 😊.

OK then I third cadets 😂

Art classes - you said he draws in his room. Start with 121 classes so as not to overwhelm him and then gradually move to a small group class.

I would say rugby because generally the boys are v supportive but they've generally been playing for a couple of years by now.

My dd did drama and it was brilliant as she was having a really rough time at school. She nearly gave up on the first term but stuck it out and has made long standing friends. She's 19 now. It's very ensemble and it boosted her confidence.

I'll have a think and talk to my 15 year old.

What about an art class or photography?

Cadets is good - structured but generally well managed

Rowing? Full of oddballs (my DS being one of them) but people do get to taking it awfully seriously. It's nice in that it's both individual and group activity so you don't have deal with a huge number of people if you're not in an 8.

Dungeons and dragons/magic the gathering/Warhammer - not sure where you live but most cities have a board games/table top club/cafe - he might like Warhammer if he's a bit artsy and likes games. It's quite a nice social scene without being massively competitive. Gets bloody expensive though.

Has he considered maybe doing a little volunteering? It can be really good for feeling useful and that you're doing something that matters, and comes with a side helping of social contact.

If he doesn't fancy the army type cadets, then I can recommend police cadets - although my experience was in the 1980s so I have no idea what it is like now.

I learnt skills and had experiences with cadets that I will always remember. We used to help out at local events (a bit like trainee special constables) and I was chosen to walk right behind Princess Diana (with her lady in waiting) collecting the bunches of flowers from her when she did a walk-about and couldn't carry any more.

My school attendance was poor but I never missed cadets. There was a real mix of kids from different backgrounds and schools and the ratios of girls to boys was about equal.

I hope he finds something he enjoys.

Dungeons and dragons

Explorers? They do a range of different things - hikes, quizzes, cooking, kayaking, bowling trips, laser tag. Maybe trying a whole range of things would help him find his things. My son was with a really nice group.

Pressed "post" too soon. DS started playing D&D in Y9 at school, and also plays in a group online. When he went to university he joined a group there; they moved it online during the pandemic but now also meet up in person, and have weekly pub nights.
A good proportion of his friends are those he has made through playing D&D.

I would highly recommend any sort of cadets- police, army, sea, air cadets. I loved the air cadets and I’m quite a shy, introvert person.

Dungeons and dragons or Warhammer. There are D&D clubs in most places and a lot of warhammer shops run sessions

He likes video games? What about yugioh or magic the gathering/Pokémon etc? In my town there are 3 businesses with rooms and cafes that sell gaming stuff and have tournaments in on evenings and weekends.

What about archery? We found a family friendly club and did a taster session with them which lasted about 4 weeks then DS joined and met some great friends.

D&D or Warhammer are brilliant for social interaction with clear rules, but also are very creative in terms of miniature painting and DMing. My dh is a long term player and ds(15) has his own D&D group

DS also rows, and really likes that there isn't the same group/parent dynamics as football/rugby/cricket as the coach tells them what they are doing and they just get in their assigned boat and go

Ds attends fire cadets, really enjoys it and many different types there. Also another vote for explorers - all types of activities

Karate? Relatively quick to start earning belts and new starters are all ages

Bellringing.

Seconding karate.

Thanks all, this is great. He is not at all sporty (sorry, I should have said this originally!) so I think he'd hate the sports clubs. He did try football and karate when he was younger but didn't get on with them. He does enjoy D&D - he has played online but the only group that used to run in our town was older boys in his school who said he couldn't join as they had already started a campaign. It stopped running anyway due to C19. He has tried Warhammer as well - his stepdad is really into it. I hope he might get back into it but he got frustrated by how long it takes to build and paint the miniatures and the fact that he didn't have the patience to paint them well so then was disappointed with the result and didn't stick with it etc etc. Will see if there is a Warhammer group locally. We are in a rural market town and there really isn't much at all going on for his age group sadly. I will look into the Explorers. Thanks again everyone. Any more suggestions will be very welcome!

Skateboard? No pressure to be in a group like with football or other team sports. Can do it alone, or with friends. Easy to hang out at the park and just be approached by others when they see you with the board

I got one last summer/autumn and liked it. Only stopped because I left my skateboard behind when moving abruptly

Does he play an instrument? School music lessons are far cheaper than private lessons, and there are usually lots of groups and ensembles they can join, not all classical either- my children's school has a rock band, samba band, electric guitar group etc etc.

I’d also look at volunteering or a job for him. It doesn’t have to be a hobby