Bonding with baby

[Emily92x]

My son is 8 months old. I love him so much, but I feel awful that we still don’t seem to have a close bond. The first few months were hard, he was premature and I split from my partner due to DA. I wasn’t too hard on myself because I thought “I’m just worn out”. But he is getting so big now and getting a lovely little personality already, and yet I feel as though I’m babysitting him for someone else, like he’s not really mine. I am constantly switched on, feeding, naps, play time, reading, bathing. No matter what I do, I still feel like we are missing a connection. Am I not maternal enough? Does he need more from me? I’m trying but nothing seems to help. Some days I feel so useless.

Honestly it really does take time sometimes. I felt like the way you describe every day for the first 6 months. Months 6 - 9 it was mostly that feeling with flashes of ‘you’re mine’. It was only around month 10/11 where I had the ‘ohhhh I get it now’ thing.

I don’t think there’s anything regular about the time scales, have faith. You’ll get there in sure it’s really hard when you’re waiting for it though, so be kind to yourself x

I think it's common. I felt like I was babysitting DD and she wasn't really mine, I remember when she was a newborn and was crying, a relative said 'oh she must need her mum' and I thought, shit, that's me! She's 21 months old now and I felt a proper mother/daughter bond at maybe 10/11 months when I felt like I knew her inside and out, all of her needs etc and could read her like a book. It does come with time.

I agree with PPs, I didn’t really feel that bond with my DD until she was about 10 months old. I also felt like I was babysitting her. It does come with time. Sounds like he’s very well looked after and loved!

You are doing all the right things, the bond will come in time. My only advice would try to bring your self back into "the moment" a couple times each day and notice the really small things, like the way his eyelashes look while he's sleeping or the way his head feels in your hand while you're feeding him a bottle, or the way he lights up when he sees you. I remind myself to notice these things and it makes me really appreciate my daughter.