Am I creating a monster? 1yo meals

[Scrunchies]

My 12 mo DD has started being ‘difficult’ at meal times. We have always done 50/50 spoon and finger foods as she didn’t get a good range of foods doing just BLW and it always causes her to be constipated (not a criticism of BLW it just hasn’t worked for us).

she has recently been poorly and after a weeks worth of forcing a syringe into her mouth for antibiotics she now doesnt want a spoon anywhere near her and I think wants to feel ‘in control’. I’m sticking to finger foods for now but she is quite choosy as to what she will pick up and eat.

Here now is my question - by letting her dictate what she has - will I regret it? I don’t want to end up with a child I have to cook multiple/ different meals for. Currently if I just give her something she throws it on the floor, and tantrums. If I give her a choice and show her items of food she is much happier - she will either head shake ‘no’ or clap ‘yes’ if she wants it and will do this several times a meal. Eg I’ll offer banana, toast, egg and she will have some then move on to the next thing. It’s not actually what the food is but whether she is given a choice which seems to make a difference.

I know this sounds stupid but Im aware what I do now could influence her to being a fussy eater, as I feel this is a protest for ‘control’ which I totally understand and know is normal. I just get anxious about her meals, we have had a rough time recently with recurrent illness where she stopped eating anything and woke up multiple times a night as she needed extra milk. I’m a single parent so have no one to split things with and this is coming from a place of exhaustion, she sleeps better with a full belly.

So TLDR - will letting her choose now set precedent for a fussier toddler?

I don’t know about long term but we just dish up what we eat and sit there with him and eat it at the same time, sometimes off the same plate/board. If he throws food on the floor j don’t pick it up until after the meal when we’re all done.

He says everything and anything, always has 15m now.

A lot of people will think yes/take it or leave it etc but I never stressed about stuff like this. For example if we were having lasagna wedges and veg, I would put everything in the middle to dish up. If they only wanted wedges, fine, if they just wanted lasagna fine.

If they didn’t eat they’d have a bowl of weetabix or slice of toast later. It never caused me any huge problems, and it meant they actually lost control. Rather than (like some friends I saw) sitting around the table for ages wheedling ‘one more bite, one more bite’ they were aware that whether they ate or not didn’t control the table, they could try a bit or not as they were comfortable.

Eats not says

If she sleeps better with a full belly I’d keep an eye on what she’d eaten in the day then give some scrambled egg or porridge, something filling before bedtime.

Personally I’d just give her something of what you are having plus something you know she will definitely eat and leave it at that e.g lasagne with breadsticks on the side. Don’t stress it and I personally never comment on what’s been eaten or whether more should be eaten. I’d offer choice by presenting a small number different options (eg what you are eating plus something she likes) but wouldn’t be up and down getting different things.

She’s still very tiny. If it goes on the floor ignore it. For my DS if you start picking it up it becomes a game.

Porridge for pudding worked for us at that age to fill them up!

@FTEngineerM I’ve tried this but she isn’t that interested in whether it comes off my plate or not…. So it’s just exactly the same situation

@Kanaloa were yours 12months then or a bit older? Mine would happily not eat much all day then wake up multiple times a night for milk if I don’t make sure she has a full tummy. Can’t get things like porridge or scrambled eggs in her as they require a spoon and she will have a full tantrum if I approach her with one now.

Can’t get porridge in without a spoon really… she won’t eat it herself with her fingers.

Those saying they just dished up their own- what 3 times a day? She eats at 4.30-5pm, do you all sit down with your babies and have dinner then?

I sit with my 1yo for each meal and we have the same thing. If you don't want to eat so early, serve yourself a 'mini meal' so she is eating in company with you and then you'll have room for your actual meal later.

If I'm serving something that requires a spoon, I hand my dd a preloaded spoon for her to feed herself. Maybe try this?

@Alitlebitsleepy what spoons do you use? I’ve tried the tommee tippee ones with holes in but they haven’t worked, and the munchkin ones she launches at the wall.

Whenever I post on here I always feel such a failure reading the replies. If it was as simple as just sitting with her or giving her a bit of porridge I’m sure there wouldn’t be an issue.

Yep, we eat at 5.30 with our 1yo

I wouldn't worry too much about offering different things - my dd is the same age and refusing spoon feeding too (we did a mixture of that and blw). She gets offered a mixture of stuff at mealtimes, if she refuses or chucks it on the floor then we just leave it. I'm not too worried as we're not swapping to unhealthier things (ie she doesn't get treats or pudding if she refuses the main course, just another healthy alternative) and I think it's good for her to get a variety of different foods anyway.

And the preloaded spoon is worth a try too, my dd will usually eat at least a few mouthfuls that way

I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, sorry if that was how it was interpreted. I actually find it incredibly frustrating to not be able to eat anything alone so it’s swings and round abouts.

@Scrunchies you're not a failure and I'm sorry if my reply made you feel that way. Different babies take to weaning differently and it doesn't sound like you've been doing anything wrong at all.

I use a couple of different spoons, munchkin ones and some basic ones from the supermarket. If she launches the spoon then you're probably right to avoid spoons for now. Perhaps try them again after a few weeks to see how she reacts.

Going back to your original post, I just wanted to reassure you that I don't believe you're creating bad habits in giving your baby choice. She's still so small. My dd has always wanted a selection of items on her tray to remain interested in the meal. I let her choose what she has and I don't stress that she hasn't had certain things. As babies become toddlers, they want control so giving your child choices helps them feel in control. Sit your baby down with a selection of items and let her choose what she eats and how much. Doing this isn't going to create a fussy child who demands you cook them something separate every day. It just helps them explore a variety of foods and also teaches them to eat as much as they need and stop when full.

You're doing a good job!!!

Strict rules don't help this kind of child. Playfulness, choice and variety do. Look up baked porridge squares they come out quite soft but no spoon required.

The less fuss you make about food the less issues you will have. I always asked mine what he wants and he got what he asked for (even if he changed his mind 20 million times). He eats everything now, always has. He will have a week of "NO yoghurt NO!" and then next week he will eat 3 yoghurts a day. Same for any other food. I always think of myself (I am super fussy eater) and I realise I eat the same food round and round and sometimes I feel as having this, and sometimes not at all and being able to make the choice is a part of my life, so I treat him the same.

Yes, since they were babies. Of course they didn’t serve themselves then but same principle, no fuss if they ate or didn’t.

I would have let my 1yo pick scrambled eggs up to be honest if they couldn’t use a spoon. Or boiled eggs chopped up/omelette slices.

Thanks everyone. I find if I put a selection on her tray she throws it on the floor, she is better with about 2-3 bits only of one or two items, which I then replace. Hence the ‘choosing’ what to have next. If I put it all on her tray at once, she would throw it all on the floor.

Have tried the baked porridge squares and many different types of fritter/ pancake, she’s not that interested in them.

My son is just coming up to 12 months and I've noticed a definite shift in his eating the last couple of weeks. He is keen to assert his independence and now only wants to feed himself when he would quite happily let you spoon food into his mouth. I've just adapted the meals I've given him so he now has more finger food or 'thicker' to scoop up with a spoon on his own - he gives it a good try. In a few weeks time I'll probably be adapting again to keep up with the next phase / skill process he's going through. Try not to overthink it.

I would highly recommend checking out Charlotte Stirling-Reed website and instagram page for some no stress advice - www.srnutrition.co.uk/

Oh and yes a few things at a time on the tray or plate is best - too much food can overwhelm them and they are actually likely to reject it than if they were presented with just a couple of things that they can then ask for more of.

My DD done the same at 12 months, just did not want me to spoon feed her anymore. I then let her eat herself and after while with things that require a spoon, I’d put the bowl on her tray and either preloaded a spoon or spoon fed her. She was more willing to let me help her if she could see/feel what was in front of her.

I used these spoons: Toddler Cutlery Sets Baby Utensil Self Feeding Kit Children Feeding Training Learning Spoons and Fork Easy Grip 7x4.5cm (Green, 2Pcs) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08G4BM19N/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_TJ8C0745EYNKQBA882JE?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

And JSYK my DD is 16 months now and has decided she’s done with feeding herself and now wants me to spoon feed her

I'm not sure how you are offering choice?! If you are giving her the option before it's cooked and sat on her plate then I'd say that's fine. If she's rejecting what she has on her plate and then wanting something else I wouldn't go there. When my little one chooses not to eat something. I then just move to the next course...fruit or yoghurt. I don't deprive them if I'd planned to offer a pudding, but I won't serve something else up because they're not eating

Your 12 mo is 1!

Just put food down they mostly get it when they they can figure it out.

I would just go with the flow OP, my toddler goes through ‘stages’ with how and what she will eat. If she suddenly ‘goes off’ something I just make it less often. She’s suddenly reverted to eating with her hands again and to be honest, I just don’t care and don’t have the energy to make things a battle at the moment - however i will care if she is still eating with her hands at 10

I used to turn eggs into finger foods by mixing with some cheese and wholemeal bread crumbs (grate a frozen crust if no food mixer) and bake, kind of like the inside of a quiche but more solid because of the breadcrumbs. Can eat warm or cold and will keep in the fridge.