Miserable toddler

[Knittingupastorm]

DD was 2 in June, and she is just unhappy so much of the time!
She wakes every morning crying, today we had an hour of tantrums and screaming, and this is about average. And then the rest of the day is just a balancing act of trying not to piss her off too much! I know toddlers are tantrum-y, but is it normal for them to just be generally miserable? The thing that wears me down the most (I don’t know why this is the thing that most gets to me but it is) is her reaction to not wanting something. If I offer something I know she likes (whether it’s a banana, or a trip to the playground), if she doesn’t want it she reacts like what I’ve said is “I will force you to eat this banana” rather than just “would you like a banana”. She screams no no no no! And then she’s off on a massive tantrum. I try to reassure her that it’s fine, she doesn’t need to worry, I won’t force her to eat a banana, or whatever it is, but it makes no difference.
Obviously sometimes she has to do things she doesn’t want, when I say I reassure her that she doesn’t have to I mean it for things like when I’ve offered a snack, or suggested a toy to play with.

Of course she does have times when she’s happy, but I wouldn’t describe her as a happy child.

Have you ruled out physical issues? Teething, constipation (very common and causes behavioural changes), tired (my 2 yr old needs 13 hours sleep a day), hungry?

It’s a bit long lasting to be teething I think. We went to the dentist a few months ago and she only had two left to come through and I think they’re through now.
Constipation I don’t think is an issue, she’s fairly regular and it’s not too hard or too soft I don’t think.
She’s definitely tired I think, she wakes very early but we’re at a loss of how to fix this. She’s asleep by 7/half 7, and wakes around half 5 crying, and then nothing soothes her, we’ve never managed to get her back to sleep at this point. She still has one nap after lunch. But to be honest even when she has a really good night’s sleep, she’s still just as grumpy! I didn’t even realise until recently that some toddlers don’t wake up crying, it blew my mind!

Sounds tough OP. I don’t have much advice as mine is younger than yours. Has she always been unhappy or is it new? What was she like as a baby? My DS is very touchy and easily pissed off. Has been since pretty much birth - it’s exhausting.

Also, I hear you about the waking up crying. Doesn’t matter if DS starts the day at 5:30 or 7:30, it’s instant whinging and crying.

Mine needed the following not to be narky little bags of tantrums
a) enough food and drink. I made a low down cupboard filled with snacks they could get themselves. Fruit, crackers etc and always had a water bottle available
b) ridiculous amounts of exercise. Like an hour walk in the morning, then to the park, then trampoline in the afternoon and maybe a bike ride too. When weather doesn't let us outside, soft play or make obstacle courses inside the house.
c) sleep. Sounds counterintuitive but with my non-sleeper he would wake at 3 or 4am and couldn't get h back no matter what I did. So my mum just suggested we give up, give him an ipad so at least we could doze next to him. And 9/10 times we do this now he nods off again. Cloudbabies on YouTube seems to be a good one for this.

Good luck. I remember that phase and it's tough.

As a baby she was reasonably content, as long as she was being held. She was very much a velcro baby until she started crawling. This temperament has really got worse over the last maybe 6 months.
I don’t think there’s anything serious like she’s in constant pain or something, and I’m hoping she’ll grow out of it but it’s hard going at the moment. Especially the mornings, being howled at by an angry toddler at 5:30 is never the best start to my day!