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Declining the health visiting service

106 replies

Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 20:51

I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my second and I’m thinking about opting out or declining the HV service past the 6 week weight check. I’m happy to have the 1 year and 2 year development reviews, it’s just the weight clinics. Does anyone know if you can actually do this? My reason for not wanting to go, isn’t bashing health visitors as a whole (I know there are good and bad in every profession, although I do think in health care you can’t have ‘bad eggs’) but it is based on the abysmal advice and service I had with my first.
I think of my local area there are just one or 2 HVs that provide advice in line with NHS guidelines, the rest of what we’ve been told is utter nonsense and ultimately caused a lot of stress unnecessarily so I’d rather avoid if possible.

Reasons below:
My actually HV is ok, but incredibly lazy. Refused to help support breastfeeding and said I was only allowed 3 chances to get it right and then I had to move to formula (made no sense at the time either). She’s also given advice that directly contradicts the nhs, ie around water to babies under 6 months and snacks under 12 months.

My daughter was a low birth weight but classed as constitutionally small, birth notes explain this, but at every weight check we we berated about her size, until 6 months she tracked consistently between 2nd and 9th centile and then after 6 months between 9/25th. She’s stayed in this place til 2, it’s clearly where she is meant to be. We’ve been told she’s too small still but they refused to write referrals to a paediatrician for further investigation rather insisted she needed to be force fed. I was told social services would be called if I carried on breast feeding (under a year she was having solids too), that she’s too pale and that’s a sign her diet is lacking, (it’s not her blood work is fine which they had a recent print out for, they are also saying this as she mixed race as she doesn’t have a sickly complexion but she is fair). There are more comments such as these but these are the ones off the top of my head. Basically weight clinics were nightmare, always saw a different HV and this sort of issue was constantly brought up with an undertone of accusations of neglect and each of the issues they raised they refused to refer. We paid private so get her seen by a paediatrician who we now see 6 monthly on the nhs as hes aware of the issues the HVs raised , was disgusted and wanted his notes on her medical records, he also monitors her growth. We paid for a paediatric dietitian who evaluated her eating and said she’s fine and developmentally normal, both of these consultants were aghast at the comments made and how there was no clinical basis. It was attributed to not understanding child growth and poor breastfeeding training. We bought a proper calibrated baby scale during lockdown when weigh in clinics stopped so I will monitor dc2s weight gain. I’ve a great relationship with the infant feeding team and know they’ll support in the case of breastfeeding issues and likewise my daughters paed is fantastic so would pay private to go to him and he’d refer back to nhs.
In summary my reasons for not wanting the HV weight checks is just to avoid the headache. But equally I don’t want them calling social services as that would be a headache too.

Anyone else opted half out like I’m considering? Again I’m happy for the checks up to 6 weeks and then the 1 year and 2 year development check, but in the interim it’s been a complete 0 value add. Tbh even the development checks we do with the paed but I’m happy to do them with the Hv too xxx

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Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 21:38

@LakeShoreD

DC1 I had one visit at 6 weeks old where she sat in the living room mostly told me how busy and overworked she was, never heard from her again, got a questionnaire in the post at 9 months (for a 1 year check?) and I called and told them we were moving so to take us off their list. Never went to a weigh clinic. Went abroad, came back, was never assigned another.

DC2 all virtual cos covid. I had a phone call at a couple of weeks old, got an invite to a video call for the 6 week check that I didn’t join as it came through with about 2 hours notice. Baby is now 7 months and I haven’t heard from her again. No idea if weight clinics have even reopened as not interested anyway.

I’d interact once, be all friendly, say everything is great and chance are you’ll never hear from them again.

So we think the stance should be ‘oh yeah sure will be In touch for an appointment’ rather than saying ‘actually I don’t want to attend weight clinics because of xyz’.

Dd was born pre pandemic in sep 19 and they still came out for the 6 week appointment, wonder if this is still the case?

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Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 21:39

@cabbageking

It is an optional service that I never used.

See how it goes but if you don't wish to partake of it then don't feel you have to.

I’ve heard this, that it’s optional but I’ve also heard of mums being reported to SS when they’ve opted out too xx
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BertieBotts · 07/09/2021 21:39

Don't worry. Due to covid all health visitors seem to have vanished from the face of the planet Confused

Interested in this thread?

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BertieBotts · 07/09/2021 21:41

Cynically. They probably care more about mums declining if they are young and/or low income.

CandyFIosss · 07/09/2021 21:43

I’m going to get in and say before anyone says “there was probably other issues that’s why they report to ss” not in my case, it happened with my first baby and I had no previous ss involvement at all, I had been out both time’s when she showed up, was never given a date let alone time, and they eventually called and said if I didn’t see them they would report to ss as a concern.

RosesAndHellebores · 07/09/2021 21:43

Cynically, they were pretty arsy to some of my friends who were mid 30s and very well off, making comments like "do you know how lucky you are" ...........

trevthecat · 07/09/2021 21:44

I opted out. I was threatened with social services! I told them that if they had concerns, to go ahead and report. Nothing ever came of it and they never range again

CandyFIosss · 07/09/2021 21:46

I think they may use it as a threat to mums that don’t know you don’t have to see them, I didn’t know at the time that I didn’t have to see them.

Mumsgirls · 07/09/2021 21:48

Based on what I have seen lately, they won’t even notice

Boredmotherofone · 07/09/2021 21:49

I think it depends on whether you're a single parent or not - I know, it shouldn't matter a jot, but I think it really does.

When my partner was still with us, I never heard from our HV. Yet once he sadly left us, she was on the phone almost weekly, started snooping round my immaculate home on the premise of 'nipping to the loo', asking intrusive questions which always included a demand to know how I'm 'coping' and am I sure? etc etc.
Also, I had a range of friends at the time who had kids - most married, but several single parents. All the single ones (who all live happy lives with their happy kids in their stable, loving homes - no reason for any concern whatsoever) had the same overly frequent, nosey, OTT nonsense inquisition over the years. Yet every single married friend had only ever had quick irregular visits which were few & far between and about 5 mins max with only basic questions. Lots of friendly, happy chatter.

Many posters will disagree wholeheartedly and vehemently argue my paranoia but honestly, it IS a very real thing with many HVs.

sharonJJ55 · 07/09/2021 21:49

@Sleeplessem

I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my second and I’m thinking about opting out or declining the HV service past the 6 week weight check. I’m happy to have the 1 year and 2 year development reviews, it’s just the weight clinics. Does anyone know if you can actually do this? My reason for not wanting to go, isn’t bashing health visitors as a whole (I know there are good and bad in every profession, although I do think in health care you can’t have ‘bad eggs’) but it is based on the abysmal advice and service I had with my first. I think of my local area there are just one or 2 HVs that provide advice in line with NHS guidelines, the rest of what we’ve been told is utter nonsense and ultimately caused a lot of stress unnecessarily so I’d rather avoid if possible.

Reasons below:
My actually HV is ok, but incredibly lazy. Refused to help support breastfeeding and said I was only allowed 3 chances to get it right and then I had to move to formula (made no sense at the time either). She’s also given advice that directly contradicts the nhs, ie around water to babies under 6 months and snacks under 12 months.

My daughter was a low birth weight but classed as constitutionally small, birth notes explain this, but at every weight check we we berated about her size, until 6 months she tracked consistently between 2nd and 9th centile and then after 6 months between 9/25th. She’s stayed in this place til 2, it’s clearly where she is meant to be. We’ve been told she’s too small still but they refused to write referrals to a paediatrician for further investigation rather insisted she needed to be force fed. I was told social services would be called if I carried on breast feeding (under a year she was having solids too), that she’s too pale and that’s a sign her diet is lacking, (it’s not her blood work is fine which they had a recent print out for, they are also saying this as she mixed race as she doesn’t have a sickly complexion but she is fair). There are more comments such as these but these are the ones off the top of my head. Basically weight clinics were nightmare, always saw a different HV and this sort of issue was constantly brought up with an undertone of accusations of neglect and each of the issues they raised they refused to refer. We paid private so get her seen by a paediatrician who we now see 6 monthly on the nhs as hes aware of the issues the HVs raised , was disgusted and wanted his notes on her medical records, he also monitors her growth. We paid for a paediatric dietitian who evaluated her eating and said she’s fine and developmentally normal, both of these consultants were aghast at the comments made and how there was no clinical basis. It was attributed to not understanding child growth and poor breastfeeding training. We bought a proper calibrated baby scale during lockdown when weigh in clinics stopped so I will monitor dc2s weight gain. I’ve a great relationship with the infant feeding team and know they’ll support in the case of breastfeeding issues and likewise my daughters paed is fantastic so would pay private to go to him and he’d refer back to nhs.
In summary my reasons for not wanting the HV weight checks is just to avoid the headache. But equally I don’t want them calling social services as that would be a headache too.

Anyone else opted half out like I’m considering? Again I’m happy for the checks up to 6 weeks and then the 1 year and 2 year development check, but in the interim it’s been a complete 0 value add. Tbh even the development checks we do with the paed but I’m happy to do them with the Hv too xxx

Health visiting is a voluntary service. You don't have to see your HV. I was a HV a few years ago, sad to read all these stories of poor advice etc. Make sure your scales are regularly calibrated so they are accurate & when the HV rings just politely decline. You can opt back into the service whenever you want.
Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 21:50

@CandyFIosss

I think they may use it as a threat to mums that don’t know you don’t have to see them, I didn’t know at the time that I didn’t have to see them.
I was threatened with SS too around breastfeeding and putting my own desire to breastfeed above my child’s health, I was holding her back etc so if I didn’t stop or drastically reduce BF , give her more solids (even though she was given as much as she would eat) and her weight moved up the centiles social service would be called as it was neglect 🤷‍♀️
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Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 21:51

How do you know if they are properly calibrated @sharonJJ55?

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Vaselike · 07/09/2021 21:51

Like you I had hideous experiences with my first.

Engaged the bare minimum (ie only when contacted) with my subsequent children snd it makes me so angry to think of the wasted hours spent at weigh in clinics with my first, the bad advice I was given, etc etc

ChequerBoard · 07/09/2021 21:51

@CandyFIosss

Yes some areas are funny, my area they call ss if you won’t see them at the 10 day check

That's because the 10 day check is actually a 'new baby review' and is an important milestone in checking on the health and care of the baby post birth.

By all means, don't bother with baby weighing clinic and all the rest of it but the new baby review is about the baby not you and it will raise concerns if you don't want your baby to be seen.

Opalfeet · 07/09/2021 21:54

We had visits, I declined the service as 1. I didn't feel I needed them and 2. I found it inconvenient, they send a letter with a day that is convenient to them and expect you to stay in all day.

If it had been appts that I could make to fit around me, I may have considered going. I generally look up what they should be doing at particular stages. Both of mine have been slightly later talkers, I raised this with my first and they said they wouldn't be interested until two anyway.

Opalfeet · 07/09/2021 21:56

The only time I have called the HV service for advice (potty training). I found them completely unknowledgeable and unhelpful. Who needs HVs when you've got Mumsnet?

thislifetoo · 07/09/2021 21:56

I just never went with my first, not for any reason I just never got around to it! I was never contacted or anything.
I went once with my second just out of curiosity for his weight because had issues feeding, they never followed anything up.

Opalfeet · 07/09/2021 21:59

I've never been threatened with SS btw, first time my HV was lovely and we had the six week review, second time we had the baby check and then covid meant the six week review didn't happen. Personally I think the six week review was pointless as you go to the gp anyway.

Second time around the HV unnecessarily scared me about weight gain when Abbie's weight was actually fine, the next weigh in several days later he had more than caught up and weight was probably to do with timings of his shits more than anything else. 🤣

Opalfeet · 07/09/2021 22:00

Babies, not Abbie's

Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 22:01

It’s on my notes that I suffer from anxiety, i wonder if that will trigger things? I suffered quite badly in my first pregnancy after a series of medical blunders and baby being monitored for being SGA, but I was and still continue to be functional and my anxiety is well controlled now.

Maybe it’s me reading Into things but I think the fact I’m married to an asian muslim man as a white (convert) Muslim lady has made them watch me a bit more closely. They asked questions about FGM at the 10 day check

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RosesAndHellebores · 07/09/2021 22:02

@ChequerBoard but at 10 days, most women are still under the midwives.

My HV couldn't even manage a congratulations at the 10 day apt, for which she turned up 15 minutes late (9am so overrunning wasn't an excuse) and I got the letter at 8.50 that morning.

I think she just got her kicks out of catching decent mothers in their nighties and failing to respect them. Had she put 9.15 on the letter I'd have had time to get washed and dressed.

Knittingupastorm · 07/09/2021 22:05

Maybe it’s me reading Into things but I think the fact I’m married to an asian muslim man as a white (convert) Muslim lady has made them watch me a bit more closely. They asked questions about FGM at the 10 day check

I’d bet money you aren’t reading into things too much.

And I’d say the same to the previous poster who felt she was treated differently as a single parent.

CandyFIosss · 07/09/2021 22:05

That will explain it then, I was told you don’t have to see them at all including for the 10 day check, the hv said I was “being difficult” and “refusing to let her see the baby” which is what she told me she would tell ss, because I said I couldn’t see her at the 10 day check as it was my daughters birthday that day and we had made plans and that I would see her ANY other day but apparently that wasn’t good enough, I was forced to see her on my daughters birthday and she sat in my house for 2 hours.

Just to add op they asked me a FGM Despite it not applying to us

Sleeplessem · 07/09/2021 22:06

@Opalfeet

I've never been threatened with SS btw, first time my HV was lovely and we had the six week review, second time we had the baby check and then covid meant the six week review didn't happen. Personally I think the six week review was pointless as you go to the gp anyway. Second time around the HV unnecessarily scared me about weight gain when Abbie's weight was actually fine, the next weigh in several days later he had more than caught up and weight was probably to do with timings of his shits more than anything else. 🤣
The 6 week one i didnt mind too much as she came to my house and my GP doesn’t have a baby weighing scales and is even less knowledgeable on infants than the HVs. Although HV completed cocked up every single measurement. Weight plotted at 8 weeks instead of 6, length was waaay off and head circumference also. The way she plotted it looked like 25th length, 0.4 weight and 50th for head, my daughters paed laughed and crossed them out as apparently all measurements should be within 2 sds of each other or a referral needs to be made
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