What is this behaviour? My toddler doesn't like me when daddy is around.

[gemloving]

My 2 1/2 year old is a daddy's boy, it developed when he was about 18 months and back then, I didn't mind and in a way, I still don't mind.

In the last 6 months, it started that when his dad was present, no mummy. I wasn't allowed to join in when they're playing, always prefers his daddy which was ok. Our second DS came along in April and I was so desperate to come home to see my big baby and the first thing he said to me was NO MUMMY. It actually broke my heart, I had just given birth and had to go upstairs and cry because it hurt me so much.

We were going to the park on Sunday and we talked about it in the morning and he got really excited until it was time to leave: mummy home. Daddy and me. and he kept saying it, both of us kept saying no, it's mummy daddy, DS1 & ds2.

He had a proper meltdown because I entered the car and didn't leave.

I sobbed in silence in the car (he didn't see this or knew this). I am quite emotional in general but what have I done wrong? We ended up having such a lovely time at the park, picnic, play park, splash park, ice cream etc. He then doesn't seem to mind if I come with him or his dad but this bursts of negative emotions towards me just get to me. There is times when he chats or says something and I look at him, he notices and just screams at me. I just tell him that we don't shout as it hurts my ears but it hurts my heart more than my ears to be honest.

He goes to nursery Tuesday - Thursday. We had such a lovely day today, we always or most of the time do. I plan our days so we have fun filled days together but as soon as daddy is there, he seems to almost despise me.

Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone know what we / I can do? Is this a phase?

My DH is very loving and kind and knows I'm trying to be the best mum I can be and how much I give and he doesn't understand it either.

I'm guessing it's a reaction to the new sibling? I think this is very common and will pass eventually. Do you ever get time just the two of you, without baby there too?

I have a 2,5 year old who is exactly the same! He just loves his daddy and very often won’t let me join in a play/read etc. He tells me to go away as he wants to play with daddy/ daddy has to make his milk/he wants daddy to give him his dinner and recently he won’t let me go the park either! He tells me to go back home and have coffee :) it’s been going on for the last 6 months. He completely changes when dad is not around. He will hug me/kiss me/ tells me he loves me. But when dad is around I don’t exist. It used to make me upset but I laugh now, everything is a phase with kids anyway. I’m due a second baby in 3/4 weeks so I’m very interested to see if this will change anything?!don’t worry, I’m sure u are the best mum, kids are funny like that and he will grow out of it. For now enjoy his bond with his dad as it is lovely after all

Oh I know it's hard, but please try not to get upset over it. I'm sure he doesn't mean it in a nasty way. Are you on maternity leave and his dad out at work in the week? It may just be that he misses his dad being around when he is at work. I think it's a phase when children seem to prefer to be with one parent over the other.
As pp suggested, can you spend time alone with him while your DH has the baby?

I was also thinking the other day… maybe they see us mums as their “servants”? We do most of the “not so much fun” stuff like cooking, cleaning their hands, telling them they need to stop watching TV.. while dads are pure fun- they let them climb on stuff, they wrestle with them, dads don’t mind sticky/jam hands etc.. maybe that’s it? Anyway it will change for sure, don’t worry at all

@Elisemum this response is everything. Thank you. I'll try to see it positively. The thing is that he's not jealous towards his new baby brother. He shows so much love which honestly, is the best thing no the world x

@TartanJumper thank you. I do spend time with him 1:1, more than before as I was quite ill in pregnancy.

@Ionlydomassiveones you're probably right. I know, and I love him so much too! Dad is great, we did shared paternity and he does pull his weight to be honest but I suppose I am the stricter parent and do have more rules.

My youngest is the same (same age as well) so it’s not necessarily down to pregnancy or a new baby. However, my middle child is the opposite because everything is about me and not DH. The eldest fluctuates.

Ask your DH to step up sometimes ... "I want mummy to play too."
Your DH can still have 1 to 1 time with DS.

@gemloving, my husband is also as supportive as yours, we share all duties the good and the bad. In fact my husband does a lot more now that I’ve been in my 3rd trimester. He also always says to our son things like: I want mummy to play with us too/why don’t you give mummy a hug/Isn’t mummy the best mummy etc - he tries really hard. But most of the time it doesn’t work 😀 all your husband can do is try, if he asks for you to join in a play but your son still says NO then go and have a cup of tea, or better yet a glass of wine and enjoy 15 mins to yourself x and instead of being upset think about how lovely it is to see them together and how many kids have dads that aren’t involved, so you are a lucky one :) x