I'm really worried about my 16 year old son.

[MyWeeBoy]

He has never been the sociable type. Quiet, smart, withdrawn really but has a few good friends.

He occasionally saw them outside of school but they always knocked on for him.

The whole summer holiday he spent inside bar a few days out with us and 2 days of activity with friends.

He's just been so quiet lately.

He was quite teary around GCSE time, with all the talks of coursework and such.

Now it's the first day of college. He asked his dad to take him.

He only had an introductory session so came back early in the afternoon.

He seemed fine at that point but just called him down for dinner and his eyes were watery. He keeps getting upset but won't talk.

Now that I think about it his eyes were watery this morning too.

I've tried talking to him but just get 'I don't know' in return.

I think he has anxiety issues (as do I, the guilt of passing that on is another thread :( ) but I can't get anything out of him.

I know so many boys suffer in silence and I don't want to be morbid but I know some do so until it's too late.

I love him so much. He's just not the happy lad he was

My ds is 17 and gets anxious as he has asd.

I find being in the car is a good time to talk.

I also find using open ended questions helps.

So things like "what did you do in college today" "do you know what you'll be learning this half term". "What is there at college to do at break"..

It allows them to talk about these things but can add information about the teachers and people and what they do etc.

I don't drive unfortunately so don't get the opportunity to have those moments.

It's a crowded house and I'm just feeling like I've failed him tbh.

Your poor boy. The teenage years are so hard.
I have young children so haven’t lived this and so my advice May be not be as helpful as I’d like to be.
Does he have any particular interests that you could try and support him in? Any clubs he could join?
When I was really struggling at school my mum took me to a nice uni and we just walked around it. I saw that there was this whole world beyond my school. At that time, my school was my universe. I hadn’t found my kind of people but walking around gave me a glimpse that maybe one day I would.

• any things you can do as a family where you could meet other families?
• could you talk to him about your anxiety and ask him if it’s familiar to him. You could tell him how now there is just so much info and that together you Could do some proactive stuff if he wants to manage it.

I just reread your post. And can see my advice isn’t that helpful as really you need to find ways to get him to talk. But so hard, when he just can’t/ doesn’t feel able.

Hopefully someone will come along with advice or a pointer to some resources.

My son has ASD and goes through periods of anxiety when he doesnt want to talk.
We text quite a lot, even if we are both at home. I’ll often send him a quick text, just to check in, sometimes I get one word answers, sometimes we have a conversation. Seems to take the pressure off a bit

Yes I just text him to say I love him and I'm always here to talk but he never replies, just reads.

:(

Can you do something regularly - just you and him. Can the school help - is there a pastoral lead you can talk to?

So sorry to hear this. It can be so hard to get teenagers to talk. Do you have a dog? I find waking the dog is a good time to talk. Or if no dog, can you get him to just go for a walk with you?

When DS2 was struggling a really years ago, he would open up more very late at night, so maybe check on him before you go to bed and see if you can get him to talk?

If he's saying he doesn't know what's wrong, it sounds like he's generally low and overwhelmed rather than it being anything specific. Is he studying a subject he's really interested in at college? You might find he feels better once he's been there a week or so and has settled in. He's probably feeling nervous and anxious. Just keep letting him know you live him, lots of hugs (if he'll let you) and little treats, sweets, etc, always go down well. I hope he's ok.

You poor thing. I have been there too. Does he ever come to you to chat about inane stuff? I found just listening to him chatting about what ever he wanted to talk about helped

So worrying! Can you ask him to have a walk with you? For so many people it’s much easier to ‘say it sideways’. My DS is a similar age and similar in many ways to yours.

Could he perhaps go to a gym with his dad? What about watching things on TV with him in the evening when the other kids are in bed? Maybe things he can talk about at college.

I agree with others that talking whilst driving is always the way mine open up its not direct face to face which seems to make it easier for them.

You don't drive but could go for a walk, ask him to help with dinner, do the drying as you wash dishes etc.

My DS same-ish age is fairly introverted and hasn't seen many friends all summer. He always says he's fine, but I do worry about him being lonely and becoming isolated.

We've started playing board games. It's fun and we chat a bit and listen to music at the same time and chat about that too. Can you connect with him in that way?

College is a new start, so hope he makes some new friends too.

My teenage ds struggles. Sometimes he's just finding life hard but doesn't have the words to explain why. We sit and watch TV together for an hour every night. Right now we're watching X Files, the very earliest episodes. We just talk about how silly they are, just general chat about nothing. Sometimes something big comes up, often it doesn't. But just sitting together seems to help a bit. It's not much but it's better than nothing.

People, and this especially applies to teenage boys, are more ready to talk when there isn't direct, face to face contact. It's why we are happy to be chatty in hairdressers. Maybe take a walk with him or do some other activity where you are side by side, it might be easier for him

OP, there are some dedicated websites for young people who may need support with their mental health where they can anonymous text chat with mental health workers. If you type in a search. Mental health support for young people, you will see the organisations that could help help. If you write down the website and give it to your son, this may help xx

Hi OP,

I’m really sorry that your son seems so down recently. I would recommend taking a look at the YoungMinds website, they have a section dedicated to parents including how to talk to your children if you’re worried about them. I really hope it will be of some use to you

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/starting-a-conversation-with-your-child/

Ah op I am sorry to read this. What does he enjoy doing? Playing a sport, watching a sport, music, gaming? Has he been able to do that in the last few months? Might be a way in to talk to him.

Dd and I now have a small ritual where I buy two Costas (sorry I know it's extravagent) and then sit and watch some chappy TV (Friends, quiz show like Pointless) while we drink them. It's a nice time to sit together - can you look for something like that and then chat to him? I do think it can be harder with boys; my 18yo ds is very monosyllabic.