School run and personal space invasion

[Kb20201]

Hi,
This may sound silly, but the school run really stresses me out. My daughter has a friend who is a little too much! My daughter has told me her friend gets up set with her if she plays with another child, doesn't stay close to her or doesn't wait for her at the school gates after school. My daughter told me she will now, not play with other children because she doesn't want to upset this friend.

At the school pick up, this friend of hers waits outside the school gates with her mum EVERYDAY ! Wanting a 15 min play date. I'm making up excuses to get home!

I don't mean to be mean but I don't have time to be hanging around after school, I have a lot on. The children have just spent 6.5 hours together in school, they are 6, still a lot of play throughout the day at school.

This friend moans that we have to go, and even asks me "can I come to your house". I feel there are no boundaries, it makes me so uncomfortable. I just want to grab and go!

I've even had the dad on my back for play dates. I feel suffocated.

I have given them playdates, but they just seem to want more and more. What I can't stand most of all is them waiting for us everyday outside school gates! So intrusive! This mother has also invited herself out with my family, which I managed to wiggle out of!

It's so draining..

Have a quiet word with the mum.
And more importantly teach your daughter some boundaries.

Yes a word with the mum. "Hi Joan, look this daily pestering for playdates has to stop. Let's plan one a month (or whatever), but please stop waiting for us at the school gates, as I won't agree to (DC) having friends over at such short notice as it doesn't work for us and it's causing me problems with DC". Don't apologise whatever you do!

That's so funny but not I had something similar where I'd literally walk the long way round,hide round corners or make up ridiculous excuses as to why I couldn't have a play date.....IE the dogs ate the washer and when I managed to get him to the vets he was that heavy it created a sink hole and I need to go back at six to help rescue the vet and the dog with h book bag strap 🙄it took a while but eventually the mum gave up and moved onto someone else

@21Kb26155 it's awful isn't it, it's also laughable they take so long to get the message. I cringe every time I leave the gates knowing they are there..... Just waiting.....

My frustration begins before reaching the gate. It's like I try to prepare myself for it and I end up double frustrated 😩

It doesn’t sound like a friendship you would want to encourage even if they weren’t waiting for you all the time!

I agree with @PinkFootstool, you need to say something which will put a stop to it. You can’t have this for another five years.

I'd also be having a quiet word with the teacher about the other girl's behaviour. They might be able to separate them discreetly during school time.

If a child is cheeky enough to ask to come to our house I just say ‘not today, we’re busy. Maybe another time.’
Just keep walking as fast as you can without looking silly and just say ‘oh we’ve got to get home, I’ve got so much to do!
Start encouraging your Dd to get some more friends!

Haha yes I remember this well. It has happened with all my DC. You have to be firm and walk off quickly, no hesitation or deviation!

There was a DM like this at my DD primary school. She started off nice then would turn a bit psycho get dropped then move into the next person victim

One of the DM DH had to tell her in no uncertain terms to bog off and leave them alone because of the stress it caused.

Be firm and walk away.

Also start inviting other DC round to your house for play dates so they get the message and your DD can strengthen her other friendships

@Kb20201 also another perfect tip put your phone on silent hang back to just before the bell then rush in pretending to be in a heated conversation with someone if she's there smile roll your eyes and point at your phone stay on your phone pretend call until your out of view or have your debit card in your hand and pretend to be paying a Bill both work I've sat in other parents cars to avoid standing around,hung around in reception pretending to be sorting out lunch money 🙄it's daft lol