Difficult bedtimes with insomniac 10 year old - any advice?

[Lulu777]

My 10 year old DS has always found getting to sleep difficult but lately it’s reaching epic proportions and he’s sometimes awake at 2am. I feel I have to be awake / can’t leave him anxious and alone so it’s getting exhausting and I lost my cool last night at 1.30am which didn’t help him or anyone. He’s quite an anxious little person so I know I need to tackle a bigger issue but also just need some short term tips. I was thinking about going back to bath/chat in the evening and reading a story and then leaving him with a podcast or book to read if he can’t settle. At some point though I still need to turn the light out or he’ll go on all night! Any podcast recommendations for 10 year olds? He really enjoyed Brian Cox series on planets and space-time but finished those and I think screens are probably not helping either late at night. Any podcast recommendations or other advice appreciated as I’m at the end of my tether!

What about the Headspace sleepscapes? I think they have a specific section for kids

The only thing that worked consistently for my 10 year old has been Classic FM via his Echo Dot

But yes bed time routine first aiming for 9. Between 9-10 he comes to talk about worries which pop up in the quiet.

Also a clear explanation that Mum has to sleep too so settle down at 10 and listen to radio. Come get me for an emergency. Think there was a bit of FOMO. Better now realises nothing interesting happens after 10.

National Geographic have a good podcast called ‘overhead at National geographic’. Some of them might not be suitable for an anxious 10yo but many would be.

It's not clear (to me), but are you staying with him chatting until he falls asleep?

If he's awake because of anxieties etc then you do need to deal with those. I would also say that if this is happening constantly it's likely starting to become habit so you need to try break it. eg, will he settle if he sleeps with you in your bed ? Because if so, I'd do that for a night or two to break the pattern and get him a little bit of rest.

DS never liked podcasts etc but a friend's DD has been listening to stories on audible for years and it helps her. DS did go through a phase of getting his Alexa to play rain sounds, which did help.

We also found giving DS a slightly later bedtime helped - we had to accept he genuinely didn't need as much sleep. So he only goes to bed at 9:30/10:00.

I would also consider seeing an occupational therapist and mentioning this. They could probably hep with some relaxing tools and techniques.

My son has an alexa in his room. He plays sleep podcasts, rain sounds, light music to help him drift off. Its really helped him

All of these tips are so helpful thank you. I will look into the national geographic and try headspace again. Am recently subscribed to audible but I don’t quite understand how it works with the credit system - just need to give it a few minutes to get my head around it! Ideally I’d like something that just switches off after a chapter rather than going on and on.

You can tell Alexa to stop playing things after a certain amount of time. We used to tell Alexa to stop with the rain sounds after 30 minutes.

@TiredButDancing thanks yes I agree... need the bedtime routine to return. He does sometimes start off in my bed if he can’t sleep but seems to like going back into his own bed after a while. It doesn’t always help - and he’s getting quite fixed with the idea that ‘nothing helps’ so he won’t try which is difficult. Perhaps an Alexa is good - could I play audible /podcasts through it? I like the idea of a device with no screen as he spends far too much time on computers which I know is also part of the problem winding down.

Ok great sounds good.

No I put him to bed and then check on him now and again.. then he comes into my room after I’ve gone to bed to say he can’t sleep and it goes on... what I mean is I find it really difficult just to go to sleep myself knowing he’s awake.

Thanks this is helpful. Will also check out echo dot which I assume is a version of Alexa?

When one of my children went through a phase like this, I found that listening to a sleep hypnotherapy cd before she went to sleep helped. You could probably find similar on audible.

Thanks @ShowMeHow and @trevthecat I will try these. @coronabeer he seems resistant to the sleep meditations but did like one one on headspace a while back where he turned off the voiceover and just listened to the sounds so hopefully rain falling / gentle music after a story might be up his street!

My DD has always struggled to fall asleep. She's finally cracked it recently! She's 14 so I hope you get there a little sooner.
She doesn't need as much sleep as many kids so we do have a later bedtime for her than many of her peers.
She has a weighted blanket which has helped enormously - probably the biggest thing that has helped.
She also commented recently that she found the sensation of falling asleep frightened her when she was younger and would resist it and fight to stay awake. Now she understands that sensation she has got much better.
She has long-term issues with anxiety, OCD and catastrophic thinking. All of which are much worse at night and when she is tired. If she can keep on top of those, she sleeps better. I would definitely explore the anxiety your son is having more.

As for podcasts. I'm not sure it would help sleeping but we recently listened to Stellar Firma which was very funny. You'd need to check the age rating though!

The Calm app could also be useful.

Have you tried audiobooks? When I can't sleep I out one on that I enjoyed and have listened to a few times. Then I set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes and I'm nearly always asleep before it finishes. The book needs to be something familiar for this to work though, otherwise you get interested.

My dd2(6) is the same. Nothing has ever worked until she was prescribed melatonin. Has he always had this issue? If so then it may be time for a trip to the GP, if not then revisiting clean sleep routines etc and working out if there is extra stress worries he is holding onto?

The Echo dot is an Alexa device, yes.

You can set Audible audiobooks and Audible podcasts to play for a certain amount of time, then turn off. They will play through the speaker in the Echo dot.

Ok thank you everyone. I’m going to work through each of these tips including clear bedtime routine with space for chat about worries earlier in the evening; weighted blanket; Alexa with sounds/podcasts/audible story books. For the longer term I will look at addressing bigger anxiety issues if I can find a child therapist or school counsellor he is comfortable with; and consider GP for melatonin if all else fails - does it affect how kids feel during the daytime? I’m also going to sign him up for a couple of after school clubs to get him more physically active in the daytime. Thanks again all.

DD 13 used to be like this. I said goodnight at about 10 and go to sleep and she'd come and wake me up. That made it more bearable.

Melatonin is essentially 'switched off' by bright light, so a normal morning routine should mean it doesn't have any sedating effect in the day. Tiny doses are often all that's needed. If somebody isn't getting quite enough light in winter, a daylight lamp can be used to give the effect of brighter daylight.

OP My 10yr old grandson is just the same, it's exhausting and worrying. His mother and I both struggle to sleep.

Lavender oil on his pillow helps as does chatting about his worries in the evening. Also lots of exercise in the day.

YouTube is great for soothing soundscapes.

If your are a member of your local library service you can access audio books for free through apps like BorrowBox.

Good luck, I hope he settles into a better routine soon.