School dramas

[ilkleymoorbartat]

DD started reception last year, it was obviously incredibly disrupted because of covid and teachers leaving / being ill.

There is twice as many boys as there are girls.
The girls have never gelled. My daughter was in a very exclusive and unhealthy relationship last year which has since ended because the child in question has moved. There is some general other meanness going on, but all the girls generally seem quite at sea. Is there any one with experience of this kind of thing? Is there anything we can do to help them gel more? Are all girls like this???? We definitely haven't had this trouble with my sons class.

Any advice greatly appreciated!

My dd was in reception last year and we went through something very similar. She does have a close friend but they don't always get on. My dd is alot quieter than the others and finds it hard sometimes to play with the others. Some of them have been very mean to her and not let her play and she's got all upset it's awful. They've even had parties and not invited my dd so that upsets her too. Does your dd seem happy and school and with her friends? Or is something upsetting her?

She seems ok, but she doesn't really have a good friend.

If there is meanness going on, inform the school and get them to deal with it

I think you really just need to leave her to it. They will learn the highs and lows of friendship in a safe environment like primary school. My daughter is coming towards to end of primary school, there have been dramas, ups and downs throughout. Certainly much more so than with my son, who has had much easier friendships with less drama but less equally a lot less depth to them. It's certainly more common for girls to have more emotional friendships.

They will figure things out and she will make friends, some kids take longer than others. You can support her by listening to her if she wants to chat about things happening at school, be an interested caring parent is often all they need. Other things would be to offer play dates if she wants to invite a friend over, but would suggest be supportive rather than overly involved, much as I appreciate its hard at that age, they learn best navigating it themselves with a bit of support from home.

To add about the meanness? What do you mean by this? There is quite a spectrum at that age and is often very reactionary as they are still so young.

Thank you, I need the voice of experiencr as It's hard to watch. I know it's probably best to leave them to it if there isn't a specific issue. It just seems like such a shame that there already seems to be these issues amongst the girls. They all seem so divided.

Sometimes you do get a class that just don't get on.

I've done supply teaching for years and you can go to a school and teach three or four different classes and find them utterly delightful. Then you go into another class and it's an absolute nightmare. And not for any discernible reason either.

If this was my dd I'd make an appointment in about a month with the class teacher if you still feel the same way. It's possible that the girls need some PSHE or nurture activities. I'd also try to,work on her relationships outside of school. Join Rainbows/football or something where she can socialise outside of school.

Thank you@MurielsWedding I was thinking the same. I was going to leave it a few weeks, because don't want to be brushed off with "they're still settling in" but agree this is a good idea. We're also signing her up to some extra-curriculum stuff too.

@ilkleymoorbartat

Thank you, I need the voice of experiencr as It's hard to watch. I know it's probably best to leave them to it if there isn't a specific issue. It just seems like such a shame that there already seems to be these issues amongst the girls. They all seem so divided.

I know it's so hard. I remember my daughter at that age and I felt so triggered all the time. The girls in my daughters class were like that in reception and yr1, my daughter was in a three way friendship, with one girl who could turn against her on a dime. Others were in their groups. But she did make other friends over time. By yr 3 it had changed, there were still groups or pairs of friends but they were all more inclusive. Now my daughter has decided she no longer wants to be good friends with her friend who would turn against her, they really do sort it out.

One thing I did do was to actively encourage friendships with boys as it really can give a different dynamic. I remember as a child having friendships with boys and it was so much more straightforward that with girls! My daughter now is 10 and has a mix of boy and girl friendships, still the easiest ones are with the boys!

My dd's class is a bit like this too, very boy heavy which doesn’t leave much scope for girly friends. I take her to lots of clubs outside school and nuture those friendships

This sounds very similar to my dds class. 20 boys and 9 girls, she has a couple of very good friends but in general the girls in the class haven't gelled...she is in year six now. I was unhappy from the start to be honest. I didn't move her because it's a fantastic school and I had another DC there...but if I could have moved her easily, I would have. I agree with another poster that some classes don't gel...my dds definitely doesn't. I feel like it's massively impacted her primary years