What are we meant to do for baby 1 year old to 2 year old?

[Hungergames1987]

Simply as title says. Due back at work in April but we get no support financially between child being 1 year to 2 year old?

We only get it from 2 plus?

We earn about 35k between us. How are we meant to afford nursery? Costs about 60 quid for 8 hours!

Unfortunately for some people they look at the years before school as effectively loss making years, spending either savings or credit to get through until school.

Other than tax-free childcare or UC childcare element (if you qualify) it's just one of those tough times.

Personally I refused to TTC until I knew we would be okay the other end however I appreciate you were thrown a massive curveball with Covid.

My sister and her partner don't pay for childcare and instead he works weeknights and she works for four hours M-F during the day. He looks after their toddler during the day while she works then he goes to sleep after she gets back home. It's not ideal but it's the only way they can make it work. Pretty sure their combined income is around 25k, so dont get much help.

She is going to 1 when I go back to work. We were gonna go with flow. And if too much my mum was gonna help by being there in house and call on partner if needed. Before you suggest she can't help full time or be alone with our LO.

Anways it doesn't matter what we were going to do or how we were going to manage. But thank you for your input on that.

Thank you to those who gave me figures and ideas to manage until lo is 3

If your mum was going to be around as back up anyway, then why cant you just use that as your plan now?

In all honesty I find this thread baffling.

Jeeze read the post I put. It says this can not happen. She needs someone around in addition to herself.

Why is it baffling cause I asked for what people do until their children get funding?? I don't think particularly a stupid question if you had it sorted and suddenly changed and now have to think of other options. Usually someone suggests something else you may not have thought off. Covid has messed up a lot of lives, and this how it's affected us.

this is a forum for support and advice. I never would have thought of a childminders. There now that's advice and support. Looking at benefits. Again advice. Someone mentioned how hard it is chewing their savings - sympathy.

That's simply all I have asked And I have been picked at and picked holes at asking what we WERE going to do. As I clearly stated this isn't going to happen now. Seeing as it's my child and we as parents felt it was suitable that's Our choice.

I'm not interested in the past or needing to explain every detail, of what we were going to do. I was curious to the NOW. Seeing what others do and how they manage. I wanted help support and advice and clearly haven't got it from all of you.

I'm sadden and quite annoyed that you have all acted like this. All I was asking to repeat myself what people did until their lo receives funding.

"Jeeze read the post I put. It says this can not happen. She needs someone around in addition to herself."

It would have made more sense to read if you used a comma. As it was, it could be read two ways:

1. mum can't help full time
2. don't suggest that she can't help full time

Anyway, its baffling because your idea of your husband simultaneously working and taking care of a toddler, and that you seem to have done zero research on the types of childcare available (that you hadn't thought of a childminder) or its cost. Hey ho.

If toddler + productive work is doable, maybe you could take your toddler to work with you instead...

I think you'd have had quite a different response on here had you been less adversarial in your responses. Yes childcare is expensive. Its why a lot of parents stay at home for a while, or all their salary goes on childcare. Surely this wasn't a surprise to you? If it genuinely was then i can see why it would have been a shock.

your correcting my punctuation? That's low. Remember you never know if someone has a hidden disability.

"We were gonna go with flow. And if too much my mum was gonna help by being there in house and call on partner if needed. Before you suggest she can't help full time or be alone with our LO." I think that makes perfect sense to be honest, and unesssary for a follow up question.

Again I'm going to repeat that's our choice as parents and as explained if it was too much my mum would be there.

I have done research. I wondered what others have done. Which I'm allowed to ask. I didn't think of childminders as going by what I seen others have done it's usually nursery or family/friends looking after. That's not a crime or unacceptable people aren't perfect to remember every little thing.

Yes I'm sure the patients in the hospital would be very happy with that wouldn't they. That's very sensible. She was exposed to covid when I pregnant let's just expose her some more.

Well to be quite honest I'm not sure why everyone was focusing on what we was going to do, criticism round every corner. Hence why it got my back up. Which I think is quite understandable. How would you like it if everyone was criticising your way of how you were going to do it. Especially as that isn't even the way we're doing it now.

Yes I knew the prices hence why we sorted the situation out before we got pregnant.

Gosh OP you are very spiky.

Ha, working with a toddler.
Not. A. Chance.

I can’t even take a shit without him standing on my feet and singing to me🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm not normally so spiky as you say but some of the comments have really offended me especially as we aren't even doing that way 🤦🏼‍♀️ perhaps I have read them wrong but I have just felt attacked!

I simply want the best for our LO and wondered what people did to look after their lo while they are a working family.

I can’t even take a shit without him standing on my feet and singing to me🤷🏽‍♀️

Haha, this. My 2 year old literally tried to wipe my butt the other day. It's nice having a helper, but that's too much 😂

I would suggest the way your post was phrased may have got people’s backs up a bit. You didn’t ask what other people do, you asked “what are we meant to do”, “how are we meant to afford nursery”.

It may be just the phrasing you use but it does rather come across as though you are expecting the government or whoever to just provide you with a solution.

@Babyboomtastic

I can’t even take a shit without him standing on my feet and singing to me🤷🏽‍♀️

Haha, this. My 2 year old literally tried to wipe my butt the other day. It's nice having a helper, but that's too much 😂

Hahaha mine tried to do this the other day as well. No boundaries, these kids!

We had friends who thought they'd WFH and do childcare at the moment. DH and I laughed like a drain, but they wouldn't be told. Suffice to say, their daughter goes to nursery now. I tried to send a work email from my phone the other day while my toddler was in the room and it took 30 minutes.

OP the cost of childcare is ruinous. It's why many people have to stick to one child, or plan for large age gaps (which is what we've done). Apart from the suggestions by PPs here, there's no way around it.

Also bear in mind that the 30 hours funding is for term time only, and often doesn't include food or other consumables (like sunscream) if these are usually included in your nursery fees. So my daughter gets 22.5 hours funded for the full year, with an extra £1.50 per hour for the things that aren't included in the government funding. So the "free 30 hours" often isn't.

Tbh, I knew about childcare costs too, but after I was made redundant on mat leave and I was looking for another job, it was only then that it really hit home that I would be working for free...or actually, at a loss, for a few years. We decided I would SAH. It's been amazing actually and I'm really glad I did it, but I know it isn't for everyone. Now thinking of retraining for something I really want to do.

I tried to send a work email from my phone the other day while my toddler was in the room and it took 30 minutes.

Yep!
I made it work for a day a week doing a half day, between 6-12m, but it was HARD by the end. I remember typing with one hand, whilst simultaneously bouncing on a yoga ball and breastfeeding, and that was before the running around stage started.

In contrast though, my CM charges for food, but there are no other charges or weird conditions on the funding (like the nurseries that don't allow you to use finding over lunch and charge an insane amount for that hour!). I think they can sometimes be more flexible about this than nurseries.

And YY to free childcare not being all that free! We still pay a good chunk every month for our three yo to go to preschool three days a week, during school hours and during term time only. I still obviously have him during holidays and after 3 o'clock, plus the days he doesn't go. Nursery for a child which needs year round care (if both parents work during some of the holidays ie aren't teachers or similar) costs quite a bit.

You are right that it is really difficult to get back to work! Which is partly why I didn't.

It's really difficult OP. I quit work after having DS because I couldn't flex my hours or commute and he'd have been in nursery 50 hours a week which seemed far too much for a breastfed 12 month old who was VERY attached to me. We planned to have two children close together to minimise time as a SAHM but fertility challenges and loss had other plans so I've now been out of work 5 years and DD isn't even 2yo yet. I've been half-heartedly jobhunting recently but I've come to the conclusion it's pointless until she gets funded hours at 3yo because we'd barely cover the cost of childcare. So by the time I go back to work I'll have been out of the workforce for at least 6.5y and have no prospect of getting an equivalent middle management role like I held previously. It sucks.

@Hungergames1987 you're most definitely not alone. It's good to vent sometimes and yes of course there are lots of experienced mom's on here so it's always worth asking the question.
My friend asked for some support with a difficult situation on another chat topic and ended up feeling worse than she did when she asked for advice. You've every right to ask for advice/support not to be judged.

I don't qualify for additional financial support either unfortunately. But I do make the most tax free childcare. We pay £700 per month into the government account and they top it up to £866 which pays the nursery.
Our daughter is full time in nursery. Doing odd days will work out more expensive unfortunately. But you say yours is £80 per day? That's quite a lot.. not sure if that's the area you live in? Is there an option for a cheaper Nursery maybe? Appreciate it's maybe too late to change now. Mines about £40/45 per day.
Alternatively do you know any other parents with children the same age?
Could your partner look at condensed hours maybe? Sorry if that's already been mentioned.
We have to really micro manage all our outgoings and save extra where we can. It's amazing when you really look at what's going on and out how much you could save if you really tightened your belts.
Wishing you lots of luck x

Can your husband work compressed hours over 4 days? You work one shift on a weekend so you can reduce the days in nursery to two days a week. Most companies are open to flexible working contracts nowadays. That would reduce your nursery bill by £240 a month.

Hi,

Sorry haven't read all of the posts so apologies in advance if someone has already suggested this.

I have a 2yo DS, we don't qualify for UC etc however if you go on the government website childcare choices (I'll google in a sec and post a link for you) you can get up to 20% off your childcare, doesn't seem like a lot but it helps.

X

www.childcarechoices.gov.uk

Relevant:

pts.eaction.org.uk/childcaredebate

There is going to be a debate in parliament about the cost of childcare in the UK. If you want to make sure your MP shows up to take part in the conversation then you can send them a email from the below link.

Is there a way you can reduce your other outgoings OP? We’ve worked out that a 32k salary (gross not take home) covers roughly 10k of nursery costs and all our other expenses. But our mortgage payments are quite low.

I’ve heard of people going interest only on their mortgages whilst DC are in nursery to free up extra cash. Obviously wouldn’t work if you’re renting though.

Some nurseries also do term time only which works out substantially cheaper, but you’d obviously have to take leave/get family to have DC during the holidays.

Not read the full bunfight but can one of you take on a more flexible role?

There's a reason people take a career break. If it is for the sake of a few quid, and you can pick up your job in a few years then it might be worth considering.

We used a childminder who charged per hour, then I started work early and finish early, while DH started late and worked late. Between us we got the childcare down to 6 hours a day, that we paid £3.80/hour for. You can also use tax free childcare which reduces it by 20%.

It was still expensive but manageable, as long a we didn't make any big purchases for a few years. We were quite lucky nothing broke or needed replacing during this time, as the would have been no budget left for it.