Too much time apart as a family?

[Kaybayx]

Hey ladies, I'm basically just after advice really. So I have a 10 month old baby he's my first and my parents first grandchild. The thing is my boyfriend said he feels left out because my mum literally always has days out/weekends booked with our son that doesn't involve him (he is invited just doesn't come along) and she has our baby stay over once a night but is either at our house or she is telling me to go to her house with our baby and my dad stays in my house twice a week to see our baby (my parents are no longer together) so with both of them things my boyfriend says he doesn't think we have enough time just the 3 of us as a family. After him explaining that I sort of see where he is coming from. I just don't want to upset my parents by telling them to back off a little so we have time as a family just the 3 of us. I don't know how to go about the conversation because I know when I say something about it they are both going to be upset and that's the last thing I want but I want time for just us 3 as a family without my mum or dad showing up. I think they are just like this as he is the first grandchild. I'm just very stressed by the situation, I don't know what to say or do. Any advice is appreciated :)

You need to be a bit mean and tell them they are being too much, don't try to sugar-coat it. They may get a bit upset but they will get over it, you need to set clear boundaries of them consulting you both before making plans for the lo.
It's lovely that they want to spend time with your child but leaving you little to no time to bond as a family is not right.

OP, your partner is being completely reasonable here so you need to talk to your parents even if it does hurt their feelings.

So your dad stays over 2 nights a week and your mum stays over once a week or asks you to bring the baby to her house overnight once a week?
Your partner is perfectly reasonable for thinking this is way too much, it would be way too much for most people!
By not saying anything to your parents about backing off you are putting them above your partner in his own home.

Even if your partner were to go on the trips/outings your DM has booked, that is not family time. HOw often do you actually have quality time in your own family unit?

Your parents sound way over the top. If they were just popping round for an afternoon cuppa while your partner was at work it wouldn't be so intrusive on YOUR family life. Perhaps a trip once a month.

How far away do they live - multiple night stays each week is excessive.

You need to say something. Don't blame your DP, but say that you all need to spend more time in your family unit now Ds is more aware of what is happening. Perhaps set up a definite day each month to do an outing with either your DM or DF.

Your BF is completely reasonable and it's important that you spend time as a family. Your parents sound over the top and you're enabling that, you need to set a clear and firm boundary with them.

I agree with pp, it's completely reasonable to need that time for just you 3 - I can understand too why your partner doesn't want to come to things where he's just "invited" along, if it feels like your mum is taking over.

Suggest you work out what would feel reasonable for you. How often would you like each of your parents to see your son, and can you arrange that for when your partner is at work? Or better still, start from the other side - what time would you and he like to have together as a family each week and each month? Can you block that into the diary first, then start talking to your parents on that basis? Let them know what you need and that a strong family unit is important for your son to grow up in.

Are you recently moved out?
How much did you see them before you were pregnant?

If I read that correctly does this mean 3/7 days a week the baby spends time/stays overnight with one of the grandparents either at their house or yours? If so, then yes sounds like your boyfriend has a point. You need to find a balance, maybe every other week let the grandparents get involved, it’s nice to have family time just the 3 of you even if you’re doing nothing and just lpunginf around, it’s important to ensure your boyfriend doesn’t feel left out as he is the father after all. He probably doesn’t go out with baby and your mum as perhaps he doesn’t fe comfortable and would rather go out with just him and baby or just 3 of you x

I moved out when I was about 4 months pregnant but before I got pregnant and moved out I split my time between my mums and dads and seen them everyday.

I think you all are right and I completely understand where my partner is coming from. It is abit much, it's Abit much for me and they are my parents so I can see where he is coming from. I am definitely going to speak to them and just let them know we need family time just us 3. Thanks everyone :)