Emetophobic Parenting

[Phobicmum]

Hi all,

I have had emetophobia (fear of vomiting) since childhood. I am never sick but the fear is really of others being sick. I am often hyper aware if anyone looks pale or complains of a stomach ache around me and situations like boats and planes often cause higher levels of anxiety.

I am now pregnant with my first child. Whilst I wouldn't like it, I feel like I can manage stomach bugs and baby sick as I am in my own home but I am really terrified that my baby will get travel sick. Nobody in my family gets motion sickness (is there a family connection?) and my partner and parents say that I should not be worrying about this until the baby arrives. We will be reliant on the bus or car quite a lot, not to mention my partner's family live abroad, so we will have to do a fair bit of travelling on various modes of transport. As I find vomit so bad I also hate the idea of having to cope with it in public (like on the bus).

I guess my question is, are there any emetophobic parents out there who have had these concerns and managed? Are there any strategies that have worked to keep you calmer? I don't want my baby's life or family life dictated by my anxiety or be trapped at home just in case he is sick!

Thanks

Hi, I am an emetophobe too.

My children are 9 and 11 now, and although this is probably not what you want to hear, the fact that you HAVE to deal with it desensitises you over the years.

My own kids being sick doesn't bother me a jot now. It's liberating! On the other hand, when DH is sick, I still have the fear!!!!

I’m exactly the same as you OP and I know what you’re going through. My phobia is severe and life-long. My DC are now 8 and 11 and because my husband and extended family know about my phobia I’ve always managed to get them to help when a child is ill. It’s just not something I can cope with, but to make up for it I do every other thing domestically!
Therapy is really helping me - but slooowly as old phobias are a tough nut to crack. I recommend a combination of CBT for dealing with those panicky moments and a deeper psychotherapeutic process for gently untangling the the feelings and past events that make you so scared.
Now my kids are older they understand that sickness is something I’m not great at dealing with whereas I’ll take all the poo / wee / yukky spillage cleaning jobs they can throw at me! We make light of it whenever possible, and they know I go to therapy and we value talking about scary emotions in our house (but I know not all family cultures would suit this openness).
I’ve also discovered that I can handle it when the cat and dog are sick and that gives me a real boost!
Practically speaking, I bet you won’t even have much incidence of sickness in your household because we emetophobes are so careful about avoiding contact with viruses & food hygiene & hand-washing (funny how the rest of the world has caught up with us isn’t it!?).

Also babies spitting up their milk is a really good soft start because that really isn’t gross at all and even quite cute (and I promise you I’m SEVERELY emetophobic so I don’t say that lightly!).
Please don’t worry that your phobia will impact your baby. All adults have something they’re weird about or can’t cope with. And all children will grow up saying they were scarred by some random thing we did that we didn’t even notice! Every year as a mum with emetophobia brings be so much joy and delight and wonder and fun and just a few quick intense moments of fear. And those soon pass, and hopefully make us stronger.
Love and laughter and therapy will ease the bumps in the road.
X

I have emetophobia and always have. Having DC has helped oddly enough because it has forced me to deal with it. They can be suddenly and spectacularly unwell and you have no choice but to react appropriately. And forcing myself to act as normal as possible made a difference too.

I've sort of internalised it a bit and nowadays I'm less fearful of other people being ill but terrified I'll be ill. I never liked either but there's been a balance tip of sorts.

Re. Travel sickness specifically, in my experience it runs in families so you should be fine.
As soon as they are old enough you can give them OTC medicines like Kwells or Kalms which are really effective.
I have one child who suffers from this but it only came on when he was old enough to take medicine. I don’t think tiny babies get travel sick but I’m not a scientist so can’t be sure.
The advantage of it happening on a bus or train is that you can get off at the next stop and run away (with your baby obvs!) and are not obliged to clean the floor.
My phobia is terrible on planes though because of lack of escape / control so if anyone has any strategies for that I’m all ears…

Sorry not Kalms! Don’t give your DC downers!

Thanks for all of your responses. It is nice to know that I am not alone with this. I feel like it will be fine and then I get a sudden panic.

Did any of you avoid doing anything because of the fear? Ie not flying, avoiding eating out...? I think a lot of my fear is travel related as you are often trapped and can't get away from it. So even planes and boats I would normally take some medication or have a glass of wine. Both ill advised when looking after a baby!

Just wanted to give this a little bump in case there are other people out there who can share their experiences.

Have you got a partner? If so just take the valium and hop on the plane and enjoy a restful flight whilst they deal with the child (it's what my mum used to do as she had/has (it's got better over the years) a severe phobia of flying but didn't want to stop is going abroad)

@T0rt0ise

Yes I do have a partner. Wondered if I was breast feeding whether I could take Valium. Perhaps we just have to wait a bit before we take our first trip. I feel similar to your mum. I love travel, just not the transport part!

I'm emetaphobic and have a 6 year old (and a baby). Thankfully very few bugs have happened! I can't read in cars or taxi-ing aircraft and have to look at the horizon on boats. My 6 year old has never had motion sickness. But just in case I don't allow books, screens or toys in the car - she looks out of the window. I also cover the side windows with sun-shades to encourage her to look out of the back (she is still in an extended rear-facing car seat). She was fine when we have been on a plane, she had activity books to do but not during taxi, take-off or landing. We took a 3 hour ferry to Ireland she complained of a headache so we sat outside and bought her travel sickness tablets for the return trip. I tried them too and they were very effective; I could even read in the car with them but they did make me sleepy!

@AegonT wow it sounds like you are facing everything head on. I love being on a boat but I am so anxious about other people and so aware of who looks green I can't relax or enjoy. It is really nice to hear positive experiences! Thanks

Another emetophobe here and believe it or not I'm front line nhs, I can spot a patient that is going to vomit before my colleagues and am running in opposite direction to fetch the vomit bowl and leave my colleagues to deal with them, they always comment afterwards that they never see me move so fast😉! Three kids and luckily they weren't often sick but a couple of them were travel sick, fortunately I was main driver which meant ex husband had to deal with them! My phobia is more about me catching it and being sick though so slightly different, I can deal with it better if I know the reason is non contagious ie travel sickness, or at work often injuries and reaction to pain meds in A & E. On the rare occasions its happened and I'm on my own with a child you just deal with it because its your child if you see what I mean as concern for them overrides your own fear.

I don't have this phobia but my baby is 13 months old and i can count the times she's been sick on one hand.. just hasn't been a thing. So might not even be an issue

I'm really glad to hear that children can be sick infrequently and that it isn't holding you all back if you do share this phobia. I think all my anxieties about being a parent seem to have manifested into fear of them being sick. I just have visions of being paralysed by this and wanting to avoid my child. It sounds like for lots of you this is not the case which is definitely reassuring.

@AubergineParmigiana

Hi, I am an emetophobe too.

My children are 9 and 11 now, and although this is probably not what you want to hear, the fact that you HAVE to deal with it desensitises you over the years.

My own kids being sick doesn't bother me a jot now. It's liberating! On the other hand, when DH is sick, I still have the fear!!!!

This is me exactly. I’m sat cuddling my 4yo who has been sick several times this morning - I’ve bathed her and rinsed bowls (DH cleaned up this morning where she missed).

But I still get more anxious when DH or I feel ill. I did have some talking therapies a few years ago.

My dd gets travel sick sometimes. Once they're older they do amazing bags that they can use. She wasn't so bad when she was little as it seems to be triggered by watching/reading on winding roads so avoidable to quite a large degree.

My experience is similar to what pps have said, and I expect you have thought of this, but can I add that whichever parent is dealing with the mess, its important for your child that you model 'oh dear never mind lets get you cleaned up' because otherwise they learn to be fearful just like you. Emphasise 'we're ok' and 'we'll cope if it happens', not 'we must avoid it at all costs', or extreme hygiene behaviours.

Firstly: Travel Sickness if this is a problem, after a certain age there are meds available over the counter that are absolutely effective.

Secondly: (dcs are 13 and 11) Yes we have avoided unnecessary windy roads car travel but motorways have been ok , trains and plane have been fine too. Always dose with meds for school coach trips so they can enjoy without worry.

Sickness bugs I find hard. DH fortunately doesn’t not find this particular difficult and so he leads and I support - better with two anyhow as child needs one and cleanup another ideally - I could manage if alone but do get the fear at times.

Dc2 often pronounces oh I’m gonna puke 🤢 at random and 99/100 is wrong and does not so he has desensitised me more than anything else ever!

Thank you all for sharing. It is good to hear you are all rocking it and have found ways to deal with this. I am hoping I will be the same.

This phobia nearly stopped me deciding to be a primary school teacher. Whenever the children said that they felt sick at the beginning I would go into a massive panic and eventually got used to them not being sick and using it as an excuse. That being said, I am not sure I could have coped on a school trip!