Potty Training HELP

[mummybear2918]

My DD will be 3 next month and I've started potty training today and I'm absolutely losing it already. This morning she stood over her potty and pee while in pants, second time she ran say potty but didn't make it then all the rest she's wet her pants and hasn't cared. So also fights and shouts when I sick her on the potty. She totally understands what it's for etc but just won't go on the potty. How am I going to keep this up for days when I'm losing it already.
Everytime I ask do you need to the potty she just tells me no

Help please tell me it gets easier

Does she attend nursery or pre-school? My approach was always to lead by their example and mirror their approach at home. Could be worth asking them how they approach it.

For now, I would just leave her with a bare bum around the house, potty available and see what happens. Big fuss and a chocolate if she manages anything on the potty, calm and reassuring if she has an accident.

My daughter Hated the potty - she'd only use the big toilet with a toddler insert - have you tried that?

Also maybe just leave the pants off

On day 1 you need to be asking her every 10 mins or so if she needs a wee - take her up to the loo every 20 mins and sit her on it - she needs to understand what it means when she feels a wee coming - give her a fruit shoot that will get things moving as it will go straight through her on 20 mins

And you just repeat it all day. I did my 3 year old DD over a weekend and never been so knackered (don't have a downstairs loo so had to carry her upstairs every 20 mins!)

We turned it into a bit of a game and I'd pick her up and run up the stairs like a flying game

It's only day 1. It's completely new. I'd ditch the pants, watch her like a hawk and the second she does the pee dance get her to the potty or the toilet. Massive fuss if she makes it.

Google 3 day potty training method. We had great success with our DD using this. Took a bit longer than 3 days but not much

Does she attend nursery or pre-school? My approach was always to lead by their example and mirror their approach at home. Could be worth asking them how they approach it.

My daughters pre school had a formal written policy that they were not there to assist with potty training - they expected children to largely be dry during the day when they started - this included being able to get their own pants down and back up and redress themselves after going to the loo - they'd change them if they had an accident or 2 of course but they'd then send them home permanently if they even suspected a parent of using them to potty train or if the child wasn't ready

Hence why I had a panicked boot camp approach to get DD out of nappies and reliably dry before the September term started 😬

I'm a week in. Things that have helped

*Stickers. Different ones for wees and poos
*First day taken to the potty every 20 minutes, watched like a hawk. Second day every 30 mind, third day every 45 mins and so on.
*Chocolate stars for using the potty.
*Duggee's potty song
*Blowing bubbles in a jug of water with a straw while sat on the potty to help relax them
*Massive praise for getting it right.
*Lots of gin in the evenings

It's fucking hard work.

If you're finding it stressful you could start with pull ups and use rewards to motivate her to go on potty. We trained completely in pull ups and it was no stress and dry day and night by 2 years and 9 months. Don't believe what the internet says re pull ups

OP. First of all . I felt exactly the same the first time I attempted potty training. I ended up stressed for a week, losing sleep etc. That first attempt I was trying to follow one of the very highly recommended programmes for potty training. For DS and I it didn't work.

The second time, I decided to take a relaxed but prepared approach. The following things was how I coped:

1. I ordered lots of chocolate, cakes, easy cook meals etc and had a delivery. You don't want to be stressing about household things while potty training. Keep it simple.
2. Have carpet cleaner, baby wipes,etc on standby.
3. If you have an unsuitable sofa like me (suede), get some waterproof sheets on the sofa to protect it from accidents. This prevent a lot of stress the second time for me.
4. Find an easily accessible non scary place to put the potty. My DS was scared of my small downstairs toilet the first time round. This time, I hid the potty behind the sofa in the living room and place an old towel under it to mop up spills. Once successful I moved the potty further away gradually until it reached the toilet.
5. Plan on staying home entirely for a few days.
6. Let your DD go naked from the waist down until she is used to going. My friend used dresses with nothing for her daughter so she was still covered up.
7. Reward your DD with anything positive. E.g. sat on the potty and tried, got a drop of wee in the potty. The reward I used was a high five (high ten for extra amazing attempts).
8. Use nappy pants at nap/ bedtime. Dry at night usually happens later for most children. I called them pants and showed DS that if he needed the potty while wearing them that he could pull them off.
9. If there are accidents, just say never mind everyone has accidents. Next time try to get to the potty. And then give DD a hug.
10. The last thing I did was give DS independence. He didn't want instructing to go to the potty he preferred to choose to go. This worked well with him. I just monitored from afar until he had finished. He then got high fives.

Good luck.

Wow I just read that long list...that all sounds terribly stressful and tiring. Forget all that and get some pull ups. Live life as normal, catch as many wees as you can and see how long little one can keep his pull up dry for. Highly recommend for a stress free approach. Oh and get a travel potty.

So yesterday we had 10 accidents and 1 tiny little pee in the potty which is pushed out cause I said if she did a pee pee she would be able to have a piece of chocolate. Rest of the day was a disaster. She's no concentration to even sit on the potty. I don't know what to do

So did you take her to the loo every 20 minutes whether she showed signs/asked to go or not?

Nicklw gave some excellent advice there!

I found potty training unexpectedly hard and stressful. It might be worth thinking through the emotional side of it - up till now you've done all those nappies, potty training makes it sound like you're finally off the hook and then suddenly you're cleaning wee off your actual house rather than just a nappy now and then.

Potty training is maybe the first time as a parent that you have responsibility for one of your child's bodily functions over to them, it's a step towards their independence and less reliance on you and it can be very emotional and frustrating if they don't seem to get it.

You just need patience, empathy and plenty of cleaning stuff! It will work out, it just takes time. Clear out cover rugs etc that you want to protect. Give lots of hugs. Get some books about potty training for her. She'll get there!

We had two pots, one downstairs in the living room and one in the bathroom. I left them so they were visible and became familiar - the bathroom one had been there for ages before we started. First few days we did no lower clothes and then moved to leggings and no pants before adding pants in a few days later.

I will repeat... I know I'm a lone voice on here, but I really appreciated that same lone voice when I decided to train. No cleaning, no mess, no stress. Just pull ups and two pottys, one that went with us from room to room and a my carry potty for trips out. It's not the done thing any more and every where you read it says it doesn't work. But my friend had trained all 3 kids this way successfully and backed up what one poster had advised on here.

So pull ups, less stress and less pressure which makes it likely to be more successful (in my opinion). If your child feels less stressed that's got to be a good thing.

Put your child on the potty every twenty mins and try and catch the first wee after morning milk. Give your child lots and lots to drink

You can offer rewards in different ways, every time they do a wee- a chocolate button or for keeping pull up dry for a period of time.

Your child will initially wee an awful lot, as they get more bladder control this will decrease so steadily increase the 20 mins you put on potty.

If you get resistance don't fight, I realised this made it worse. We had this issue so I took a step backward and left him to it, and suddenly he wanted to go on the potty (probably for some good attention).

After a month (or maybe quicker- my child was a little younger when we trained) of this you will probably be able to take the pull ups away and then put your child in pants.

We actually stopped and started a couple of times, because we had a bit of resistance so I withdrew the pressure and went back to it. So we started at 2 years and 6 months and he was completely trained day and night at 2 years and 9 months. Contrary to what you read about pull ups confusing them, my boy has only wet his bed once since 2 years and 9 months which I think is pretty good. He slept in pull ups for a while but wanted to keep them dry over night, this involved a good few months interrupted sleep because he'd wake me to go to the toilet.

Agree with @Opalfeet here. Start with the pull up pants or cotton training pants which still offer some protection but allow the child to feel the wet sensation. Without this they don't know what's going on. They need to feel wet to learn what is happening.

Two potties in your lounge area, in visible sight of your child. Pants off as much as possible, yes there will be accidents.l but over time they will reduce. Toddler toilet seat to put on your own toilet seat with a step so they can get up.

When going out take off the nappies and put normal pants on, take the travel potty.

Start with day time then move on to night. You can get sheets which are like big nappies almost which you can put on the bed and you will need a waterproof mattress protector. I may be going against the grain here but I've always lifted my DS1 onto a potty once in the night when I wake, he does his wee and has only wet his bed once. He is almost 4 and was trained in the day by 2.5 and in the night a few months after. I get up to go to the loo in the night so therefore expect to help my DS1 to do the same, this is why I put him on the potty next to his bed or lift him to the when I wake in the night.

I'm following the same pattern with DS2 now who is approaching 21 months. Potties out in the lounge and he will go on them, still has a nappy obviously for naps and going out and at home most of the time but he is happy to sit on the potty and does wee on it and poo. His awareness about it is starting to increase. It helps he has seen his older brother do this too. DS1 will go the potty too to help show DS2 what to do also.

I've never used chocolate or stickers but I think as they started going on it young it just became normal. Will see how we get on training DS2!

Good Iuck, all children are different and do get there at different times.

I would buy oh crap it’s potty training and just follow it - worked for us. We used chocolate buttons for rewards

It takes several weeks before they get it and there will be accidents

Then it will just click! And you will be well ok the way to it getting sorted

Yes, chocolate buttons are your friend here. Shameless bribery.

I started potty training 3 weeks ago with my son who had this 3rd Birthday yesterday. I found it so unbelievably difficult. On day 1 we went through 24 pairs of pants!!

I ended up using 1 Milky Way star to get him to try, and 2 stars if he actually did something.

On some occasions I also bribed him with juice.

After about 8/9 days of 2 potty's in the house we moved to the toilet. Other than going to my sisters and a few days at crèche we pretty much stayed home for 2 weeks.

It has definitely gotten easier in that we don't have full accidents now but he still leaks a little bit in his pants before going to the toilet. He now knows he doesn't get any stars if he's leaked in his pants first.

He still automatically says no if I ask him does he need to go.

I wanted to give up many times but then figured the days I'd already struggled through would be wasted so I kept going.

It's not fun, but for me bribery was the only way to go, and he couldn't care less about stickers!

@twinningatlife how did they cope with children with disabilities or suspected disabilities?

Some disabilities where a child cannot be potted trained until older are only uncovered when a child starts school, or a year or so later.

As your preschools approach would fall foul of equality legislation.

@RedMarauder

Obviously children with disabilities/suspected disabilities were exempt

[quote twinningatlife]@RedMarauder

Obviously children with disabilities/suspected disabilities were exempt

[/quote]
That is BS. They basically are discriminatory.

OP hope today was better.

Bribery: choc buttons, and ditching the potty in favour of putting DC on the loo might help.
It’s a hideous process though, I remember hating anyone who bragged that their child was dry in 2 days — it takes a while but they all get there in the end… hopefully before mummy ends up sitting on the loo, swigging neat gin and singing the Duggee potty song.