Telling older child about impending c-section?

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

Sorry, bit of an odd one. It's looking more and more like my next birth will be a section (because it's twins, and one is presenting ass-first ). We have an older DD, just four but very clued-up and alert.

Things being as they are, we'll probably have a date for a section, and in practice she'll go off to nursery that morning, mum and dad will go to the hospital, and either dad or her minder/a friend will need to pick her up and bring her home and stay with her. I imagine I'll be in hospital at least one night, maybe more.

I'm just wondering how to manage this with DD. Say nothing, but start to get her used to the idea that she may find Aunty X picking her up one day if mum and dad are away? Tell her in advance (and remind her) of the particular day, and tell her that mum is going into hospital and will come home soon with her siblings? Some other thing?

As an adult I'm conscious that "Well I'll be having a section today, see you tomorrow" can be a bit anxiety-provoking and it's perhaps better to find out after, but I'm not sure if that's the case for a preschooler.

Any advice out there?

“I’m having the babies today, Auntie will pick you up and you can visit us later”.

Bare in mind you might get an early slot - I had to be in for 7am which meant DS had to go to his GPS the night before. I don't think it's worth getting into logistics until you really need to - as PP said, "so and so will pick you up from nursery while I'm in hospital having the babies. I'll be sore and tired for a few weeks after so you need to be very careful with mummy. "

I told ds I would be having his sibling, he didn't know at the time about the c section though I told him after as had to make him careful of my wound. He came out he same way so just sees that as normal anyway. I'd to spend 5 days in hospital and it wasn't that long ago, is the one day because of Covid?

Tell her that babies usually come out from a hole between their mummies legs, but sometimes the doctors need to make a hole in the mummy's tummy to help. If that happens it might be a bit sore and you'll need to be in hospital so the doctors can help.
I think kids can usually handle all the info when presented in the right way! Get well soon hospital programme on cbeebies is quite good for talking about health and hospital. DD enjoys having a doctor's kit too, she used to come to my midwife appointments with her own stethoscope!

Thanks all. I would love an early slot just to be in and moving things on/less chance for nerves to build maybe, and then again we’d just ask someone to come round ours very early and take DD off to nursery.

is the one day because of Covid?

I’ve no idea. Round my way they seem to go for a quick discharge if no complications.

You could also make a role for her, like 'when I come home with the babies you can give them these presents and put these blankets here and sing them twinkle twinkle' etc.

DD enjoys having a doctor's kit too, she used to come to my midwife appointments with her own stethoscope!

Gaaaw! Mine’s taken to putting one of her toys down her top and asking me to listen to its heartbeat, with my Kindle .

I’ll look up that show, thank you.

DC1 was 3 when DC2 was born, planned c section. Due to the early start we had grandparents stay the night before so had to be very clear we would be gone in the morning and they would be looking after them. We were open that it was because we were going to the hospital because it was time for the baby to arrive.

I wanted to prepare DC1 for the fact I wouldn’t be able to pick them up for a while, and hugs in bed might be difficult because I’d have a sore tummy. So I said I was having a special operation and would be a bit sore for a while. But you may not have to consider that so much with a 4 year old.

Definitely explain in advance. I made a little book for DS2 explaining what would happen, with some really crap illustrations :o He loved it and would talk about it. When DH had to take him to my friend's house in the middle of the night he kept repeating the page of the book about going in the car in his pyjamas, so I think it really helped prepare him for what would happen, even though I had a vaginal birth so we didn't know exactly when.

I think it was like this:

Pic of DS with our current family incl big tummy
Pic of hospital
Pic of bags that we packed incl what was in them
Pic of him going to 's house (in various scenarios, you can just do one)
Pic of him having fun there
Pic of Daddy coming to pick him up
Pic of us all coming home in the car

I told DD1 (3 yrs) that I would be probably be having a c section - I had one booked but didn’t in the end. We had lots of discussion about her birth, about what would happen in a c section, how I would have to stay over night and why I would be sore afterwards a and she would need to be gentle.

DD1 was 2yo so less understanding, but I prepared her by lifting her less and less towards the end of my pregnancy. Then told her I was going to the hospital so the doctor could take the baby out of my tummy, that she would go to nursery and I'd be home with the baby a couple of days later. Then that my tummy was sore but I could sit down to cuddle her etc. She was absolutely fine.

Just in answer to the one-day stay question, I had a section in 2019 and was released the next day. The did offer me a second night but it was so hot and noisy that I couldn't escape fast enough!