Help Please: My 13 month is ever so clingy

[Mollie5]

Hiya Mumsnet

Could I please get some advice as I am feeling very anxious.

I'm a first time mum and my baby is just ever so clingy, I cannot do anything around the house etc because he always wants to be next to me. He even needs to be rocked to sleep every time. Whenever I put him to sleep in his cot he cries and cries to be held. He is even refusing to sleep in his cot bed now as he wants to sleep in mine.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can help my baby be more independent. I've tried to let him cry it out but he starts screaming and wailing and gets inconsolable.

Thanks in advance.

My dd was like this at nighttime I made the mistake of rocking her all the time because I just never wanted to put her down even though people kept saying she won't sleep as she gets older but I couldn't help but have my cuddles at night but I do wish I'd have listened. As she got older I had to rock her asleep and if she woke In the night that's what she would want and because I was so tired I rocked her or popped her in bed with me but I became so tired I needed to do something. I had to help her self soothe again and crying it out I couldn't do because she would sob her heart out. So I put her in her cot read a story, said goodnight then sat on the stairs where she couldn't see me for 1 minute to begin with then if she stood up and cried I'd go back In put her back down and walk back to the stairs for another minute. It took a while first few times but she got the hang of it and then started to self soothe herself to sleep even if she woke in the night. I still got my cuddles but she knew when bedtime means bedtime and mummy was still near. If she cries too much then you could always sit on floor or chair next to her so she knows your there but knows ot sleep time and ypu won't pick her up.

Thank you for replying, I will hopefully try doing that. I am finding it ever so exhausting.

It is so exhausting but just know you are doing a great job already! It just takes time, consistence and alot of patience. You will find something that works for you.

This is the separation anxiety phase. All babies go through it. It will pass. Try not to let it get you down. In a couple months, itll be a different phase that drives you mad

We’re the same here.

But honestly I strongly believe you can’t teach or force them to be independent. They become independent by being really secure and by us allowing them to be as DEPENDENT as they need right now. Personally I’ll never do cry it out for that reason - I don’t see how abandoning her to get hysterical is going to help her feel secure and able to be more independent going forward. BUT it’s exhausting and frustrating at times and I do often panic that I’m getting it all wrong. I just repeat in my head ‘it’s just a phase it’s just a phase’. And significantly lower my expectations re housework and how much I’m going to be able to get done. I take her out as much as possible and little toddler groups have started up again round here which is good because I do at least get to drink a cup of tea and talk to another adult whilst she’s clinging to my leg playing.

Also I’m going out today and leaving DH in charge. She screams the house down for me if he tries to take over whilst I’m home, but if I’m not there they just get on with it. Is there anyone you can ask to give you a few hours to yourself to either rest or get some stuff done or just go and have time to yourself?