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Original poster

Changing name - 2 year old boy

21 replies

joanarch · 02/09/2021 15:35

Hi... I need honest advice from parents. I am married, two children, daughter 5, son 2. I felt entitled to choose my son's name after not feeling supported by my husband during the first two years of my daughter's life (changing all nappies and doing all nights). So after my second child C-section I sent a message to family and friends saying that the baby's name was Lucas. Hubby and I spoke about this name before giving birth but we didn't agree. So he got angry after I told everyone the name in question but didn't want to change it back then. Now Lucas is two and he has a very strong identity awareness but my husband hates the name and wants to change it. I worry about the impact that this may have on Lucas. Everyone knows him by his name. Please give me your opinion! Right now I don't want to do anything that may be perceived as understanding Lucas identity. Lucas may feel, "do you want to change ME?" I don't want to create unnecessary insecurities for the sake of making it up for a mistake I made, if this makes sense. Thank you loads!

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Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2021 15:39

Personally, I think it's far too late to change his name.

BasiliskStare · 02/09/2021 15:39

Does he have a middle name ?

Littlegoth · 02/09/2021 15:39

He’s 2 years old, that would be very confusing for him. My 11 month old has known his name for some time now! Your husband needs to let it go.

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Smartiepants79 · 02/09/2021 15:42

It’s too late to change it unless he wanted to. And he’s too little to be able to make that choice.
Although I do think the way you went about naming him was childish and petty his father needs to get over it now. His name is his name and that’s that.

LizzieAnt · 02/09/2021 15:57

Would using the short version Luc/Luke day to day help your husband at all? Might he prefer this?
It's a bit late to change names completely imo.

BasiliskStare · 02/09/2021 16:44

I do think you should have agreed upon a name but IMHO he is Lucas now so with a NN or he can choose to use a middle name later on in life - many people do. I think you need to reconcile this with DH so it does not become a issue for DS.

BlackberrySky · 02/09/2021 16:53

Oh dear, you really can't change it now. You were petty and inconsiderate to forge ahead on your own with such a lasting decision, but as PP have said, your husband is going to have to move on at this point. Could you agree on a nickname to use?

Original poster

joanarch · 02/09/2021 17:35

His second name is Lee... Thank you!!

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Original poster

joanarch · 02/09/2021 17:40

Thank you all! I know I need to reconcile with my husband which I have... still long way to go for forgiveness... I've caused a lot of pain but our son should not be blamed for it.

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BasiliskStare · 02/09/2021 22:40

I have a good friend whose nephew is Luca , I think Luke is a very nice name , or Luc , or just be Lucas & see if he has a NN at school he likes.

I have to say I think it it is his name now. One of my DC's godparents decided to call himself by his middle name - but that was not until he was a teenager.

DH ad I had disagreements about DS1s name. I would say we compromised ( though I secretly think I got my choice ) but we did talk about it.

RiversideAnne · 03/09/2021 06:06

It’s definitely too late to change it. He knows his own name now, it would be confusing and difficult for him. Your husband has to get a grip.

lavenderleopards · 03/09/2021 06:24

I felt entitled to choose my son's name after not feeling supported by my husband during the first two years of my daughter's life (changing all nappies and doing all nights).

Just remember this next time he has a go about the name. Not ideal to choose your DS name without DH but you had your reasons - he wasn't a particularly supportive dad! Hope he's pulling his weight this time around.

Lucas is a perfectly nice name - Luc/Luke great nicknames too. I agree it could upset DS at this age to change it so your DH will have to put DS' feelings ahead of his own.

Rugsofhonour · 03/09/2021 06:34

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Tooembarrassingtomention · 03/09/2021 06:38

Lucas is a great name.
Changing the name may have an impact on him, friends who adopted a just 3 year old were not allowed to change the name - advice from the psychologist that social services put in place.

Tooembarrassingtomention · 03/09/2021 06:40

Lucas is one of those rare names that transcends race, religion and social class.

Its a universal name that will fit in almost anywhere in the world.

FuckingFlumps · 03/09/2021 06:46

So your husband who did absolutely nothing to aid the care of your daughter for 2 years and presumably also left the care of your son to you has then spent a further 2 years belittling and bullying you over your sons name because he thinks he knows better. He sounds like a massive dick to be honest, what exactly does he add to yours and the children's lives?

Lucas is a lovely name and anyone with 2 brain cells knows that changing a child's name at 2 is a a stupid idea it sounds like he's using this situation as a way of controlling you.

ChikiTIKI · 03/09/2021 06:54

Has he helped out with the baby this time?

Goldbar · 03/09/2021 07:29

OK, so you didn't exactly cover yourself in glory by having a tantrum and unilaterally changing your baby's name but your husband is a selfish idiot. Sounds like he left most of the baby care to you and chose to let the name change go uncorrected until now.

Why are you trying so hard to gain his forgiveness? You're making it into a weapon he can hold over you. Just tell him what's done is done, it's unfortunate but your son's name is now Lucas and he either gets on board with this or ships out.

Mumoblue · 03/09/2021 07:32

No, he’s waited too long. The time to deal with this was when the baby was still very small. His name is his name.
Your DH can deal with a name he doesn’t like rather than confuse a small boy.

NowEvenBetter · 03/09/2021 13:32

@ChikiTIKI

Has he helped out with the baby this time?

‘helped out’? Do you mean ‘parented’? He sounds like a total wanker, don’t pander to him at all.

Original poster

joanarch · 03/09/2021 15:00

Exactly right! My husband is British and I am Argentinian so I thought about a name easy to be pronounced in Spanish and English (my family doesn't speak English). I am trying to justify the fact that I chose the name. I definitely didn't want something like David or William like my husband did. Anyways, I'll get advice from a psychologist too. My gut feeling is that we should not change the name at all, two wrongs don't make one right...

Yes, my husband is quite emotional about the name. He feels I have taken something precious from him, too much drama in my opinion.

Also, due to Covid, we could not see each other for a year and he feels he has missed out on seeing Lucas for a year. In a way, he has but I couldn't control the flying situation worldwide. I worked in China, he got stuck in France... sad story. We are together now so that's what counts. Thank you so much for all your answers :-)

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