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Parenting

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Original poster

Shouty, nasty & impatient

11 replies

doubtful101 · 31/08/2021 00:02

Been teetering on the edge of writing this post for a while.

I'm a terrible mother. I shout (a lot), lose my temper (quickly & often) & can be really nasty in the things I say to my children (8 & 6).

I have insight, I know I do it & I see the effect of it in their own behaviour. I'm so ashamed of how I behave toward my children & everyday I go to bed vowing to be different, better & every morning I wake up with conviction only to fall at the first challenge.

Given my insight & the damage I'm doing staring me in the face each why on earth can't I change?

I love my children, they are well cared for in every other sense & I do show them an enormous amount of love but I'm like Jekyll & Hyde. The poor things must be so confused by me. I'm confused by me.

I just have no patience with them & an uncontrollable riding rage when they misbehave that I explode. I'm not like it in any other setting or with anyone else. In fact, I think my friends & family would be shocked.

I really, really want to be better. My children deserve so much better. I just don't know how to be 😢

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NameChange2PostThis · 31/08/2021 00:26

I don’t want to ignore your post. But all I can say is get yourself a therapist ASAP. Pay for it, go regularly. Have 121s and family therapy. It sounds like anger management would be worthwhile. Look online for any parenting classes to develop better strategies. Whatever it all costs, it’s worth it. I’m sympathetic and it’s great that you’ve posted for help … but I’m sorry, yes your children will be confused. This is emotional abuse. This has to stop. Pay whatever it takes to learn how to stop yourself doing this, and to become a good-enough parent.

Good luck.

NameChange2PostThis · 31/08/2021 00:31

Oh and remember

you don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be better
You can change
Parenting is hard
All the effort will be worth it.

Eatenpig · 31/08/2021 00:34

Are you on your own?
Are you stressed with work?
Have you got friends you can talk to?
We all have days like this but not every day

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PennyWus · 31/08/2021 01:08

Buy a nanny cam for your most heavily used room. Give a close family member who you can trust the details for logging in to watch , maybe even explain the issue
The risk of someone watching or hearing you should solve the problem.

Bogeyes · 31/08/2021 02:11

My father frequently shouted and often used his belt! I can't remember anything good about him....I left home at 16 and didn't see him for years. Please change as your kids will only remember you as a shouting angry woman.

WTF475878237NC · 31/08/2021 06:17

Oh OP. I am relieved you recognise that this going to damage your children. You must get professional help.

I think you should approach your health visitor for parenting courses and see what support you are entitled to from social services. You may also need mental health input yourself for the issues that are underlying that mean you are saying nasty things to the children (as opposed to neglecting them altogether). Your GP can help with the latter.

onelittlefrog · 31/08/2021 06:23

I agree with the above posters really - you need to reach out for some help in the form of both parenting classes and therapy. You can talk to your GP about these things, it's OK to reach out for help.

What do you think it underlying it? How's your mental health and have you always been this way or just recently?

Pantheon · 31/08/2021 07:09

I think therapy as suggested above could really help in determining your triggers and what else might be going on either right now or issues being brought up from the past.
Do you apologise to your kids afterwards?
Do you have a lot of stress in your life generally? And is there any way you can carve out more time for yourself?
Good luck OP. You have recognised there is an issue and admitted to it, which not everyone would do x

Mid30smidlifecrisis · 31/08/2021 10:14

I don't know about your personal circumstances but a book that's helped me is called Running on Empty, basically looks briefly into why as mums we struggle to give what we didn't have- not blaming our own parenting as kids, but it gives some good ideas on how to move forward. Your kids are young you can change (it's hard but possible!) hth op, sorry if it doesn't, didn't want to read and runx

FatLadySang · 31/08/2021 10:15

I could have written your post. Therapy. Really. I am almost a year in and it has made such a huge difference to the lives of our family and my own well-being.

Original poster

doubtful101 · 31/08/2021 12:03

Thanks all for the comments. I could go on about how much I have on and blah, blah but quite frankly none of it excuses how I'm behaving.

Although hard to read the affirmations that my behavior is tantamount to emotional abuse (I knew it already) it's what I needed to jolt me into action.

I have phoned Relate today (only counseling service I'm aware of) and they've emailed me a registration pack.

I will look up those books some of you have recommended and today I am being patient, kind and quiet but I know I need to take some further action to remain that way.

@FatLadySang I'd be really interested to hear more about your experience if you'd be willing to share.

OP posts:

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