Am I a bad mum

[Hickpusher]

I have a beautiful 8 week old little girl. Im a FTM and We had a scary start with the delivery cord around her neck ventouse delivery which I found quite stressful lucky she was fine. When she was 6 days old I developed shingles and was quite poorly and extremely stressed about potentially making her sick by catching chicken pox from me so I was afraid to go near her for a few days which I think didn’t help!

Fast forward to 3 weeks old and she developed quite bad reflux. Extremely unsettled vomited uncomfortable. We changed her milk and added in some carobel and this seems to have improved the reflux a lot! She’s a lot more settled.

As I say she’s now 8 weeks old and I just feel like I’m a useless mum. She cries (which I know is completely normal for a newborn!) virtually every evening around 7pm and is completely inconsolable. She is also extremely difficult to get down for a nap in the day to the point I have to put her in the sling but then I can’t sit down or stop or she wakes up. Also she’s not smiling yet she does engage with me looking at me and will appear to “talk” to me.

I don’t know We’ve had a rough couple of days I just typing as I’m thinking. I just feel like she’s not a happy baby. I honestly feel like I’m failing as a mum like she doesnt “like” me. I absolutely adore her and looking at my friends 3 of which have babies ranging from 15 weeks-8 months who all seem so happy smily and content. I feel like I’m failing my LG 😩

You poor thing. You've had such a rough start. My baby was very similar at 8 weeks- v unhappy, not smiling at all- we also had a rough start. The crying at 7pm thing is common for babies and will last a while but you're definitely not alone. Babies get easier all the time and the first 8 weeks are definitely the worst so it's all up from now

Such a rough start so cut yourself some slack, you are not a bad mum. Make sure you look after yourself too.

The not settling properly and the witching hours is perfectly normal but really hard going. Ate many a dinner while jiggling an upset baby! Watch for sleep cues - my DC1 used to need a nap sooner than I thought he would as a new baby (took me a while to work that one out) - he didn't smile till 10 weeks, he's still not easily impressed as a 3yo. Will she settle in the pram?

@kitkatsky thank you!

@Wagglerock I know I’m hoping we’re hitting the peak of witching hour now and it’ll subside. She’s a great little sleeper when she does eventually go down she will sleep from 10pm to around 4am!

I try to keep a eye out for sleep cues It’s still a struggle to work out her cries as well.

She used to hate the pram I think that was due to her reflux though and lying flat she would just cry. Equally so with the car seat. She’s a lot lot better now will settle in pram but won’t really sleep in it on walks etc. Still working on car seat still not keen on that at all! X

At 8 weeks it's completely normal for a baby not to want to be put down for naps! I used to have to walk my daughter in her pram for a lot longer than that. I would say stop trying to push against it and go with it. If she needs to be in a sling or in a pram to nap then do it- newborn is too soon to try to get her to nap on her own. It's also very normal to have witching hour at 7pm- again I would just do what she needs at that time whether it's feeding her, holding her or rocking her.

Stop beating yourself up- I'm sure you're a great mum and you're certainly the best mum in the world to her. It sounds like you had a bit of a tough start which has made you feel guilty and anxious but nothing you're describing is untypical of babies so it's very likely nothing that happened at the start has made her how she is.

You're not a bad mum. Babies are damn hard work. You have a very normal baby - the witching hour is hideous, and babies like you to be standing up just for that added torture. Mine didn't smile until around 10 weeks (honestly it's all a blur, but it was late compared to my NCT group and made me feel shit). He also developed reflux at 3 weeks.

It will get better. For mine it was around 14 weeks - suddenly he slept better, cried less, was happier for longer. A dummy also really helped - they're especially good for refluxy babies as the saliva from sucking helps with the pain. Hang in there, you're doing brilliantly and your baby does like you, she just doesn't like being a baby.