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Left my toddler crying

11 replies

shattered2 · 29/08/2021 20:02

My toddler is 16 months old and is going through a terrible sleep phase. He just won’t go to sleep for ages for his nap or at night, even though he’s obviously tired and I’m finding it mentally completely exhausting.

For the last two nights I’ve just not been able to cope any more and have walked out of his room leaving him crying.

He’s then cried for about 10 minutes, before making moaning type sounds for 5 minutes and then finally going quiet and falling asleep.

I feel absolutely appalling that I’ve walked out on him crying but honestly feel I can’t take this any more.

Previously I had been leaving him for 2-5 minutes crying then going in and comforting him, putting back down and repeating for at least an hour. Or I’ve sat next to him silently in his room for 1-1.5 hours whilst he’s slowly fallen asleep. He doesn’t go to bed till 7.45 which means I haven’t had dinner until 9/9.30 a lot of nights.

I’m rambling I know - I just feel completely shattered and horribly guilty that I walked out on him crying. Am I a terrible mum and could I have caused him long lasting mental health issues by doing what I did?

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twinmum86 · 29/08/2021 20:09

No. You have not permanently damaged your child.

10 minutes isn't very long really, and I suspect tomorrow night if you did the same it would be shorter than 10 minutes.
Personally we did controlled crying (leave for 2 mins, reassure, 3 mins, reassure etc)

We never got past 10 minutes.

You've got to keep going now, otherwise tonight's crying was for nothing! Maybe try not to go straight to 10 minutes if you can, but it will work!!

shattered2 · 29/08/2021 20:12

I just feel appalling that I walked out on him whilst he had tears in his eyes Sad Is this what counts as crying it out?! I vowed I would never do it but here I am. I feel like a cruel person and a total failure.

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Capricornandproud · 29/08/2021 20:13

Its fine OP! 10 mins is nothing and he has to learn. Dont buckle now or you’ll make a rod for your own back like I did.

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thatsnotmyzoo · 29/08/2021 20:14

You are not a terrible mum.

Think of it this way, he had a 15 minute unhappy wind down and then went to sleep as opposed to 1 hour plus of you going in and out. My DC used to take longer to settle if I was present and it agitated them.

In my experiences there are accelerating and decelerating cries and he was clearly decelerating and able to settle. He’ll be fine and you may even find he goes down easier going forward. If he was really upset he wouldn’t have been able to settle himself in such a short time.

shattered2 · 29/08/2021 20:16

I’m so worried I’ve scarred him mentally. My mum left me to cry it out as a baby and I’m a very anxious, nervous person. It might not be related of course, but I can’t help worrying that I’m repeating the cycle. Life is just very stressful at the moment and I really, really needed some headspace and evenings to myself.

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shattered2 · 29/08/2021 20:17

If he was really upset he wouldn’t have been able to settle himself in such a short time.

Thanks @thatsnotmyzoo, I hope so x

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TweedePrik · 29/08/2021 20:17

10 minutes is fine! He is learning to go to sleep by himself. Please don't beat yourself up.

prettypinkflamingo · 29/08/2021 20:18

Don't feel bad OP - better to walk out and regain your control than stay in there getting stressed. You've not done anything wrong. Be kind to yourself xx

TerrificTeapot · 29/08/2021 20:19

Honestly just do whatever works. Parenting rarely makes you feel like rainbows and butterflies.

MamaBearThius · 29/08/2021 20:25

You're not repeating anything, you're not your Mum.
I have a 14 month old also going through this sleep aversion
It sucks!!!! I have no tips, just some solidarity

twinmum86 · 29/08/2021 20:51

Please be kind to yourself. It is fine. He is fine.
I don't agree with cry it out, babies being left screaming for prolonged periods.
10 minutes of crying then being able to self soothe and go to sleep is fine.

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