Joyless grandparents

[Sheerdetermination]

I was sure my dad would love being a grandparent. But while he seems to take some pleasure in his grandchild, he can be a real old misery guts, seemingly not understanding that babies like/need to make noise and explore absolutely everything. Does anyone else have a joyless grandparent and have any tips for being around them with a child?

Yes, in the end l gave up, it was too stressful, right from the start my mum would say " Don't feel you have to keep coming over", we only visited once a week for an hour or so and they never made an effort to visit me. Dad wasn't much better, he would start gathering all our things up after about half an hour, and keep looking at the clock, it wasn't much fun.
My mum actually refers to her two grandchildren as " how are your lads! "
We can talk on the phone for ages and she won't mention them.
To be honest she is the least maternal mum l know, so it was too to be expected.
My sons are much older now, they are polite to her but that's it, there no bond
I have always been quite envious of friends who do have doting grandparents. But can't force what isn't there.

It’s such a shame, isn’t it. Their loss but also your DCs. And yours.

My parents adore being grandparents but my maternal grandparents were joyless grandparents.

I remember if we went over they had no toys or colouring pencils, they didn't try to engage us and gave us one digestive biscuit that Grandma always made us ask her for. We sat still in their lounge waiting for my Mum to finish up so we could go home. It was crap.

As we got older we distanced ourselves and now we get the old trope "no one comes to visit us". We have no bond as the pp mentioned. I don't love them, I don't like them but I respect that they are my Mum's parents. A shame really.

Depending if explore everything means wrecks his home..

I don't love them, I don't like them but I respect that they are my Mum's parents. A shame really.

I mean, I can’t totally understand why but that is so sad!

• can totally understand why!

My paternal grandparents were like this. All stiff and disapproving, and controlling. I didn’t really feel sad when they died, but they did leave me a ton of money, for which I’m grateful.

It was just a very formal and stilted relationship and I went out of my way to avoid them as much as possible.

My parents have a good relationship with my kids even though distance means we see them infrequently. My dad is the one who buys ridiculous toys and spends all afternoon literally rolling around the floor playing. DH’s parents are also quite fun with the kids, but very formal and stilted with me.

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday No, it doesn’t. It means he’ll leave things that could be moved where the baby can get hold of them and then say ‘keep the dc away from that’ - for example, a pencil case. I mean who cares if a pencil case gets a little light chewing? And if you do, it’s simple to put it out of reach.

My dm could suck the fun out of most situations & being a grandparent has been no different. Never wanted to see dds, never invited them to her house & I wasn't inviting myself as my dad is far worse & I didn't want dds in a miserable environment with a man I deliberately avoid due to emotional abuse & a very unstable temper.
She will sometimes ask after them & say she's 'thought about them', gee thanks Grandma!
Dds are adults now, polite to her but absolutely no bond & quite sympathetic to me over her awful behaviour as she gets older & more disagreeable.

I can relate to the ‘getting more disagreeable’ with age thing. What miseries they are.

@Equalpayquery ‘stiff and disapproving’ describes it well

My kids paternal grandfather. He lives abroad, and first came to meet his (at the time) first and only grandchild when she was nearly 1. He arrived and announced he'd be leaving in about half an hour as he'd arranged to meet friends. He didn't want to hold her, or try to interact at all really. He just doesn't like kids, and was the same as a dad so it's not surprising. Mil and step Fil are lovely though, and my parents absolutely dote on the kids so I don't feel they miss out.

My DH was like that with first DGC - I think he just had no idea what DCs were like, worked away a lot, not at all hands on with his own - now there are five he is finally getting the hang of it and enjoying them.

My dc have two extremes - my parents (in particular my dm) have been as close as can be to them since they day they were born, and absolutely adore them. Dm has been a far better grandmother than she was mother (much more patient!)

The in laws (mainly MIL) has been distant from day one. Saw them once a week, was polite and showed interest in them, but no emotional bond whatsoever. That said, I don't think she's ever had much of an emotional bond with her own offspring either so it's not specifically a grandparent thing.

MIL. Just so unbothered that I’ve given up - as a pp said, you can’t force what isn’t there. She came to see DS when he was about a week old (first grandchild) with her lovely friend who gave her a lift to our house, as MIL doesn’t drive. Made excuses and tried to leave after half an hour despite repeated assurances she was welcome to stay as long as she liked - I think even her friend was a bit surprised at that.

We’ve not seen her in over 3 years. Our youngest is 4 and wouldn’t recognise her in the street. She occasionally puts a little gift in the post for the DC but wouldn’t actually ever ring us and ask after them, and has never on one single occasion suggested meeting up.

My IL's are the same - it seems our kids are just an inconvenience for their day. They never take into consideration what the children eat or don't eat then get really crappy with them when they don't eat the food they serve.
My children hate visiting, there's never any sweets or little presents or coins for their piggy bank, god forbid if they dare being an iPad to play with, they should be playing with lego or watching their boring tv programmes
Also, we ever ask for them to watch them overnight it's like we've asked they can keep them forever
Needless to say my children desperately don't want to visit overnight without us - if we're away they keep asking when are you coming home
It's sad really as they've a really rubbish opinion of their GP.... particularly when it comes to anything fun