Baby and DP

[CourtneyCox2021]

Morning,

I just wondered how much your oh does?

My oh leaves at 8am comes back at 5.30pm ish.

He does for our LO a dream feed about 11, and on weekends will literally just have her for few hours. While I whizz around to shops or around house.

When were both around and almost due nap etc he will just half way through dissappear. This morning for example. He took her downstairs and he was making toast for lo but because I came in. He disappeared and as a result toast burnt, left her in her wheeler thing and went and started opening his packages, so I had to take over. This has been my first morning of just mooching as well 😔 . Another thing he does, she's due for a nap, or about to wake up and I'm asleep on sofa and suddenly he needs the toilet or goes and has a shower.

He spends about 30 mins with her in evening before bed. I have to put her to bed as she won't allow anyone else to do at the moment.

He does in house empty all the bins, and most of the cooking and regrudenly does some washing when I ask.

I do all house work. 4 bed house. All night disturbances even on his days off. I haven't had a lie in since she was born. Washing, shopping, cleaning, I mean everything else . at times and will just leave an area messy . He sleeps in another room most nights as he says he is too hot 🤦🏼‍♀️🙄 but I know it's so he doesn't get disturbed as she's going through a stage of 4am/5am wake up time.

My LO is also going through the whole whingy stage and being a velcro baby. Nothing pleases her. I assume she's frustrated and bored. She's just turned 6 months.

I don't want to commit smothering him with a pillow. I have spoken to him but he just doesn't get it 🤦🏼‍♀️ he is a man that assumes maternity leave is easy and just looking after a baby.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Just needed a vent and to see if anyone else has felt like this 🤦🏼‍♀️ he finally came downstairs after a hour of asking as I needed to sleep. as she was extremely grizzly and screamy (I was on the bathroom)

Venting is good.

He sounds like the kind of guy that needs rules. It’s good he does most of the cooking as that indicates there is potential.

It’s not on that you do all night disturbances or that you get no time off. He needs to cover (for example) Sat night and give you a lie in on Sunday also - so he covers up to Sunday lunch or whatever. He should also give you a few clear hours on Sat afternoon and an evening a week (try and go out to get him in habit). If you want him to do a few more chores, tell him what and when, ditto with not leaving mess.

He needs to have it spelt out he is her Dad too and he cannot shirk. Tell him you are working by looking after her - don’t get into a debate about who works hardest, focus on what he needs to do, and don’t budge. He’ll get used to it.

Sort this now because it will get worse when you go back to work. Are you about to move your daughter into her own room? It would be good to get him back in with you.

Hi OP, I have an 8 month old.

Your OH knows exactly how hard it is to look after a baby, which is why he avoids it!

For reference, my OH does bath, story and bedtime, milk feeds, bins, everything related to the cat. I do all the night feeds because I can fall asleep very easily whereas DH takes ages to nod off if he's disturbed. DH wakes up with DS every morning, does nappy change, feed and play whilst I catch up on sleep from the night before. I do all cooking, some housework, all life admin.

I'd say to communicate what you need to be done by him.. Her nappy needs to be changed, can you feed her, bathe her etc.

My OH struggled to figure out where to fit in to help when we first had our son. He wanted to help but didn't know how. So when I told him, what needs to be done. Can you do this whilst I do that. He has now got the hang of it, and can happily look after DS by himself for the whole day. He even says "come on son let's go for a walk and give mummy a break", and takes out DS for a few hours whilst I lounge at home with a face mask 😀

My advice is stop taking over. Say DH before going for a shower, can you feed DD, sterilise bottles, play with her blalala. You have had the discussion, it hasn't worked so tell him what you need in real time.

@givemethatknife thank you for saying venting is good. Feel like a moany mini 😂

She doesn't have any night feeds, has her dream feed and then goes through till 4/5am and doesn't want a feed she just wants to get up 😂 normally drifts back off. If it's like 530am I get up. But before then we don't get up. So I'm lucky in that way, I will go sleep by 9pm.

I know he needs to do a night but I feel so guilty 🤦🏼‍♀️ as he works and Im not. Especially with the 5am wake ups.yes I do need a few hours but I like them in the house just pottering or sleeping, I should actually go out. I think it's cause also when I have gone out for odd evening he gets all sarcastic saying going out again eh?!

Yes but I don't like to spell it out, he should know 😂 but may have too.

As she's doing the 4/5am wake up I can't bear the thought of moving her 😂 I'm too much of a wimp.

@dontjumptoconclusions I can see your point it is bloody hard work!! It's not been easy.

Yes maybe I need to tell him! Thing is I put bottles on go out and I have gone out asked him to do and he has "forgot"

I just need to grow a pair and tell him this is what he needs to do I know know 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thank you both xx