Toddler still can’t feed himself

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My toddler (17 months) is very good at eating finger food but won’t feed himself properly with a spoon - he needs me to load food onto the spoon for him before I hand it to him and he then shoves it in his mouth.

He’s still drinking from a sippy cup too - should he have moved onto an open cup by now?

He also has a bottle of milk before bed - again is he too old for this?

Also… when should I introduce a fork?

Oh, 17 months is still really small!

If you really want to help, you could work on fine motor skills through play. Threading beads, play d'oh, chunky crayons, that kind of thing.

As for the fork, I'd just put a baby spoon and fork down with each meal. Eventually he will pick it up and get used to holding it and try it out. Same with spoon food. Just keep putting it there at every meal time. He'll watch you eating and try and copy eventually.

Min is 22 months and has been able to feed herself with a spoon since 13 months. I basically sat in front of her and held her hand while using the spoon to feed her, did that for a few weeks before she properly got it (haven’t mastered fork and knife yet).

Still has milk in a magic cup before bed (we need to drop this for her teeth but just been doing potty training so don’t want things to be anymore disruptive for the moment). I think we stopped using bottles at 18 months. Just stopped and she was a bit meh about it for first 48 hours and then got over it.

My DD would be a disaster with an open cup but this is making me think we should have made more an effort to get that sorted 🤦🏽‍♀️

Ds1 had a dummy until age 3.11 and a bottle before bed until age 4.11. He definitely couldn't hold a spoon or feed himself until he was over two at least! He'd still have me feed him now and to be honest, I do just so he eats something!!

Ds2 (now 18months) has been able to reliably feed himself with a spoon since about 13/14 months. He also can drink from an open cup and put his wellies on.

Ds1 is extremely smart, excellent vocabulary, can read books with no pictures and do quite hard maths but he struggles to get dressed and feed himself (unless it's cake or there's some sort of reward) they are all different I think your child is totally normal! At least he's keen to try finger food and use his hands! I guess just not doing too much for them or just doing enough to get them started will help. I over indulged my first! still do

My DS is 3 in October and he still will use his hands to eat. It's just easier sometimes. He uses cutlery too but I don't pressure him at all. I don't think it's a big deal.

I’d say between 18 months and 2yrs he will learn the cutlery thing- as tor the milk, my daughter kept here until just after 3- but tbh I didn’t care as no comforter no dummy etc- she just liked milk before bed. No tears when I stopped it either.

I have a DD of same age as your DS. I also have 2 older DS.

The boys were nowhere near able to spoon feed themselves properly at this age. They were also incredibly fussy eater.

DD will eat anything given you her except her nemesis macaroni cheese and can use a fork and spoon no problems. I wonder if this is because she's seen the boys and us doing this so has more examples to follow.

If I were you I wouldn't worry, boys fine motor skills aren't always developed as quickly as female, I was once told. Either way just offer him encouragement, praise and don't stress yourself out.

It’s all relative.
My (just) 2 year old has used an open cup since weaning (though will happily use a ‘closed cup’ when out and about and we need something lidded).
Still has her dummy to go to sleep and 75% of the time a bottle of milk.
And is perfectly capable of eating with a spoon or a fork but will also just shovel it in with her hands lots of the time too.
Yesterday we went out for lunch and all she had for her ‘main’ was ketchup by the handful and, for desert, a bowl of ice cream which she used a spoon for. I don’t know any otherwise NT adults who would eat ketchup with their hands for lunch so I have faith she’ll come around . Oh and she had a glass of water on the side!

I'd swap the bottle of milk for a sippy cup and make sure you're cleaning teeth after if you're not doing so already. The rest of it will come with practice.

DS was a bit of an outlier compared to his friends but he refused a sippy cup from when he started having water so always drank out of an open cup and refused a spoon until 1yo when he was insistent he could do it himself. I always gave him a spoon on his tray and he just kept trying till he got it but no pressure from me, I was used to cleaning up an unbelievable amount of mess after BLW.

I don't think my 17 month old is using a spoon yet (might be at nursery). He can use a fork to spear small bits of food. He's still BF to sleep at night (and when he wakes in the night) and uses a sippy cup during the day.

17 months is still a baby really! Sounds like he's got the spoon to mouth action no worries, all children are different and will progress in their own ways, but if you're worried about anything you could ask ways to to your health visitor!

We also use Solid Starts on Instagram for anything like that, they've been so helpful for my LO (now 22 months).

Aslong as you keep giving them the opportunity to use cutlery etc then they will learn to use it eventually. I introduced fork around 12 months and I think as I eat my dinner with her, she watches me using a fork etc and does copy me which has helped. She still often prefers to use her hands though at 2 years. I would move away from a sippy cup onto a straw cup (open is best but we still don't attempt that daily!)