Tips on ‘putting down awake’

[Penny2020]

Does anyone have any tips on how to put a baby down awake. I’ve read a few things about getting a baby set up for future sleep success by putting them down awake but my little bubba doesn’t seem to get the memo. I wait until she’s coming to the end of a ‘wake window’ and try to put her down in a dark room with white noise etc etc but she just screams, she even starts crying when she’s still hovering over the cot before I’ve even actually put her down. She’ll only fall asleep on the boob or after half an hour of being rocked in my arms.
She’s only 3 months which some people seem to suggest is too late for her to pick it up and other far too early - the more I read the more confused it get! I’m very happy for her to be a baby, and take her time to get this so I’m not too panicked yet but would like to hear if anyone had any success at this at her age, or later and any golden nuggets of advice?

Thanks!

Both of mine managed this but one was a thumb sucker and the other has a dummy. IMO it’s very hard for a baby to manage it without the sucking to relax them.

It’s definitely not too late for anything. Ignore that bit of the books!!

Putting down awake works for some kids. Others it just doesn’t. I had one of each.

3 months is still very little. You could try shush pat patting/ rocking to sleep instead of boob as a first step as it’s helpful to break that association before the four month sleep regression. But if she’s not ready to fall asleep on her own don’t stress, it will happen eventually.

And yes same! The one who could fall asleep alone took a dummy. The one that couldn’t didn’t so sucking defo a bit part of it!

I think at this age it's just best to go with the flow and do what works for you and your baby without worrying about how they'll get to sleep in the future. At this age, my dd was being fed to sleep, bounced to sleep or would sleep on walks in the pram. I kept trying to put her down for naps but to no avail and it only stressed me out. What I accepted the situation it was such a load off my back. She did start going down for naps at 8 months and would go down sleepy but awake. Your baby will manage it eventually so don't feel pressure from what the Internet or other people say. If it stops working for you, make a change. Otherwise, why change something that's working?

She spent 9m inside you and is entirely dependent on you for survival. She doesn’t want to be put down it goes against every instinct inside her, it’s normal.

Do what ever you can to maximise yours and her sleep ❤️

I think this is only realistic if baby takes a dummy or sucks her thumb. Babies usually need some comfort to fall asleep. Both of mine were settling themselves with a dummy from about 8 weeks old.

ds1 would only fall asleep being fed, that progressed to sitting and patting, to reading to I just don't know what....he was settling by the time his sister arrived when he was almost three!

I was pretty determined that I wasn't going to repeat this with dd so she was fed, entertained for a short while and then into her moses basket wherever we were...no quiet, no dark, no hovering....we all got about our business. Plus this will probably cause MN to completely melt down, but the cat LOVED that basket too so he'd be in there too always at her feet, away from those grabby little baby hands so maybe that was the trick!

Maybe it was coincidence but repeated this with ds2 to pretty much the same effect...although he was a bugger at getting out of bed as a toddler.....he'd bed hop through the night, but would not otherwise disturb anyone apart from the actual getting in.

I used to bounce on Swiss ball until drowsy (eyes dropping) but not yet fully asleep…. Sometimes didn’t work as they would cry and wake back up when put down, but other times would get them close enough that they could drop off by themselves. The mythical ‘drowsy but awake’… was about 50/50.

I wish i never read all the"drowsy but awake" nonsense as it just made me feel like i was doing something wrong! Our son didn't get the memo until well over a year old when we got him into his own room and he understood a bit more what was going on. Then a few months later we finally gradually retreated immediately after book. Even then he didn't like it, and needed a bit of repeated reinforcement to get the memo. Once that was done actually the night wake-ups all pretty much stopped also.
My only suggestion would be whatever you do to get them to sleep, you will have to do throughout the night, so just try to optimise what you do to be as sustainable as possible. I was holding him and trying to put him down once asleep for far too long until he was too heavy!
Good luck!

I have two DS’s, DS1 couldn’t self settled and at nearly 4 still needs one of us lying next to him to fall asleep. DS2 can self settle at bedtime and during the night only but still needs feeding/rocking to sleep for naps. DS2 we swaddle and put down in his Moses basket in the living room with the tv low and be usually grunts himself to sleep in about 10 minutes. He doesn’t have a dummy but rubs his face which I think he finds comforting. So I echo what others say, they can either do it or they can’t.

Sorry for my awful spelling, I’m very tired!

Hi OP. Mine has a dummy and a stuffed rabbit that he goes down with. I firmly believe alongside putting them down awake they also need comforts. Could you introduce a faveourite stuffed toy that would become a comforter?

Mine had a rocking crib ag this age so would put her down awake but rock her to sleep. Fixes the problem of transferring them from arms to cot when theyve nodded off.

We started to put my third DC down awake at bedtime when he was around 8 weeks old. We started with naps first so he knew what to expect. He had a solid bedtime routine. I would put him down and see what he did. Sometimes he would cry so I'd get him back out and give him a cuddle until he was calm again, then try put him down again. If that didn't work I would pat his chest quite firmly and rhythmically until he was calm. I always smiled at him to show him he was safe. He also has constant white noise on at bedtime and all through the night. He has slept for 12-14 hours a night from around 11 weeks old.

Studies show these "sleep tips" from books/sleep consultants only work for about 20% of babies. The rest of them haven't read the books clearly

The whole idea of "future sleep success" or the idea that you've ruined your baby's sleep is a bit of a misnomer/fear tactic to get you to part with your money.

I'd recommend Lyndsey Hookway on instagram if you want evidence based sleep advice with no hokey promises.

My LO goes into cot awake and generally settles unless loses dummy etc. She's almost 6 months.

I would do the put in cot awake and settle in cot. I used to firm hand on chest and tap dummy to teach the self settling with the dummy in mouth. Then gradually withdraw and it will take a long time to do this to withdraw. Good luck 🤞

My 2 month old will go to sleep on his own sometimes. If he's had a good feed and I can tell he's going off to sleep I will put him in his cot and he goes to sleep himself sometimes. Other times he kicks about and wakes himself up.

I don't use a dummy or swaddling but we do have a white noise toy that helps generally (Ollie the Owl).

I think they have to be content / ready to sleep

Helps to put a hand on them with w b it if pressure for a few seconds too to transition from being held.

Mine just never would at 3 months. By 10-12 months he gradually was able to be fed and into bed to settle, and now gets a book beforehand and into bed. Just because they can’t at 3 months, doesn’t mean they never will. Just need more time

❤️❤️❤️

Mine also either feeds to sleep or naps by taking the dummy, so agree with pp about part of it being the sucking