do babies become uncertain of people they haven't seen for a while, and at what age?

[robinredbreast]

dd is normally really happy, but at the weekend we saw saw some family members we havent seen for a while well since dd was a few weeks old,
dd was crying like mad, totally out of charachter sp for her
she is now 5 months, is this a devlpomental thing? what age did you baby do this or did your even do this

she did this on two seperate occasions aswell

all of mine did this, pretty much from being born. They weren't happy with "strangers" until they were old enough to remember them from one visit to the next. (about 18 months, 2)

Twas very embarrassing when my mum came to visit, and she used to get very upset that she couldn't hold her grandchildren without them screaming

Oh my DD does this and she is 1 - she gets sooo clingy/crying when people come to visit. I think it started at about 2 months...

DD is also 5 months and has got a little bit like this tho only when she's tired. All my books say around 6 months is the classic time for babies to get clingy. This is when they start to understand object permanence i.e. they know when something goes out of sight it still exists. It's a bit to realise up until now DD has assumed I stopped existing every time I left the room. The object permanence thing also means they start to enjoy dropping things for you to pick them up again and again and again. Joy!!

So sounds like our DDs' clinginess is normal. what I've started to do in new situations or with people she doesn't know very well is keep her on my knee cuddling her until she has settled instead of handing over to other people straight away and it does seem to help.

Having said that I think how clingy a child is in it's nature. I've read other posts on these boards saying the latest research shows that the best thing to do with a clingy child is let them cling and offer them lots of reassurance whilst giving them opportunities to get to know other people as much as possible. Apparently if you try to force them into being more independent of you they are likely to grow up more anxious.

Yay - more cuddles for us!
Boo - no going to the bathroom without company!

thanks so much for the help everyone,yes it was even my brother that made her cry just by looking at her
i felt bad for him,
i told him it just because she is not used to him as she doesnt really know him
[but i even felt a bit bad saying that,i mean its a bit like saying oh you never come and see us]

i carried on cuddling dd and didnt try to give her to anyone else,so i could try and reassure her as much as possible
but she wouldnt stop crying
she cried for about an hour and a half
then i decided i think id betteer take dd home

any other good tips it worth trying?

just to make your brother feel better, one baby in my family used to scream (and I mean scream) the moment one of my aunties entered the room. My auntie actually had to enter any room this child was in backwards and keep her back turned to her at all times. Went on til she was about 3yo .

I'll be lurking for other's tips too......

DD is 5 months & just started being wary of people. we went to a large gathering a couple of weeks ago, walked in the room, dd took one look at everyone staring at her and burst into tears!

my mum is a child psychotherapist and says it's very healthy, if not advanced [grin

thanks for that beewisemen hope we both get plenty of tips

thats a great reply bumper we obv do have mini genius's on our hands
wish i could have got such a grat response from my mum that its totally healthy etc, my mum just said "thats bf for you !makes them far too clingy !!"

Oh don't worry, check out this thread for some classics from my mother wrt bfing, and i should add "she needs to learn to detach from you"

hi bumper i love to read that thread but it takes me to a wilcos photo frame lol

My DD2 is 8 months. Her elder brother and sister came home this weekend. She was happy to see DD1, who she last saw 4 weeks ago. But when DS1 walked in she took one look at him and screamed. I wasn't in, which may have been part of the problem, and apparently DD1 had to take her out of the room and walk her up and down, and she still screamed again when she came back in and saw him

She last saw him in September when he went back to uni.

Bit worried how she's going to react to grandma at Xmas.

yes i know what you mean about xmas evenhope i waas just thinking the same

We had exactly this problem with our DD. We don't live near any family so she wasn't used to seeing them - or anyone on a v. regular basis TBH in those early months. We first noticed it at about 5 months and by 6, when we got married and she was surrounded by family who wanted to give her lots of cuddles and carry her around (giving us a break...fat chance...) but to her they were strangers. It was horrendous. She wouldn't even go to someone else during the ceremony itself.

Anyway, I had to go back to work when she was 9 months. Leaving her at nursery for the first time was horrendous and it take her a while to settle, but she is fanastic now.

I had the 6 months or so of being unable to go to the loo unaccompanied as well, but by the time she was 1 she was completely ok and getting better from about 9 months.

She's now old enough (21 months) that we can tell her in advance who's coming to see her, show her photos etc. and she now runs over to greet them with cuddles, which is lovely for everyone!

oops (searching for cheap Chrissy prezzies for the aunts and uncles - busted!

here is the thread

thanks bumper thats a link to my own thread!! but bless you anyway

thats great about your dd poppysocks good idea about the photos

oops again - sorry, baby brain!

hmmmm....well if it's bf that makes a child clingy then my dd is getting secret bosom from someone. There's a programme on at 8pm on Ch4 tomorrow which will show you why there's something very very wrong when a baby doesn't cling to it's mummy.

Funny I don't get many of these comments to my face but I think I may be known not to suffer fools gladly. I can only advise you to get more scary rrb.

I'm saving this up response up for a special occasion, feel free to use it:

"Oh no, she not normally clingy at all. She just takes an instant dislike to some people."

bumper you have made me laugh

bee ive put that on my sky plus planner ,i love programes about babies hope its not as awful as that hideous bringing up baby though

bloody heck ill keep that come back up my sleeve for a very special occasion
too harsh for my lovely brother though

Pah! I knew you were nice.

bee ive read the description if that programme and it sounds like it could be v interesting although sad

and if you want to reassure yourself about letting a baby cling read this. A marvelous book.

oh im going to the libary to take some books back this week ,ill see if i can order it.
just reading dr sears good behaviour book at the moment
it the best one ive read so far

My ds was always a very easy baby, but when he got to seven months, he went through the hysterical crying scenario whenever he saw someone he hadn't seen for a while.

It didn't last long ... maybe three months, tops.

HTHs

yes thats does help
just a stage really isnt it