Sending DC to nursery when newborn arrives

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I’m expecting DD2 next year at exactly the same time that DD1 starts preschool (when she turns 2). Am I going to regret this? DD1 has always been with me as I’m a SAHM but I take her out daily and we have socialised her well and is around other children a fair amount. Obviously it’s always when I’m around.
I want to send DD1 as I think she needs to go from an educational point of view and take advantages of all the benefits of a nursery setting. As it’s term time only, the intake is at the same time as DD2 is due or otherwise we’ll have to wait until she is almost 2.5. I’m worried it all may be too much at once? I’m also worried about DD1 picking up sickness bugs when she starts and passing on to DD2 when she’s a newborn. I really didn’t want to leave DD1 at home until she’s older as I really think she needs to go to nursery now and start prepping for 4+, and also I dread thinking about looking after 2 of them at once all the time. Can anyone tell me if this sounds ridiculous or other things I need to consider?

Why not wait until she’s a bit older. They don’t NEED to go to nursery until they’re preparing for school. Can you send her for a couple of mornings from 2.5?

I wouldn’t worry just yet. They change a lot in that time. Why not put her name down but make your decision later on. My DM didn’t send me to nursery at all. I loved school still. Just take it as it comes.

She honestly doesn’t need over two years of preparation for school at four+.

It might be easier to keep her at home with you and the new baby, getting all three of you out of the house for nursery and then having to get you and the baby out again for pick up sounds a lot harder than having both of them at home.

The only educational things 2 year olds really need are a) someone talking to them, reading to them and developing their spoken language skills and b) encouraging fine and large motor skills, which is easy enough to do at home.

If you can’t start her a decent bit before the baby comes then I would wait. Starting at the exact time the baby comes is likely to make her feel pushed out. She doesn’t need to go to nursery yet; no one NEEDS to go to nursery at 2. She can get all the education she needs at home/at nursery from age 2.5. Although anecdotally DS2’s best friend and his brother didn’t ever go to nursery/pre-school and they are flourishing at school now, so nursery is not necessarily a prerequisite for doing well at school.

Neither of mine went to nursery until age 3.5. They both settled well, had lots of fun and were well-prepared for school a year later.

Though lots of babies and younger toddlers are perfectly happy at nursery, they don't need to go for educational or social purposes. They go in order to allow their parents to work.

Personally, I would keep your 2 year old at home, if you are able to.

Honestly no 2 year old needs to go to nursery. There is nothing a nursery will teach them that you're not teaching her. I definitely wouldn't send her every day. Not sure why everyone is brainwashed into believing their children NEED nursery at such a young age.

Keep her at home

5 years working in a nursery and this really isnt a good move

From her point of view, mummy has got a new baby and im not allowed to be with them.

No 2 year needs to prepare for school

Same, neither myself or my siblings went to any type of school/childcare setting until we were 4-4.5. I loved school and we were all very sociable kids. Of course you can send her to nursery but I’d agree that doing it at the same time as the new baby arrives might give her the wrong message.

She doesn't need to go to nursery at 2 to start prepping for school. For those first 3 years of their life, children generally do best with their primary caregiver (you).

Nursery will provide her with some attention that she might not get with baby around. I suppose it all depends on her understanding at the time.

When is dd 2? Is there really no other intake until 6 moths later? If it's the case of after Easter or not until September I'd definitely leave it until September as at that age the big summer break so soon after starting could mean resettling again after.

No, definitely wait.
I’m concerned you’re worried about caring for 2 children yet decided to have 2?

Send her!

I have the same age gap and I loved my eldest's nursery days. Just having the newborn at home was soooooo much easier!

It gave me time to do baby classes with her and gave my son time with children his own age. He got to explore the world in a different way.

It also gave me some structure to the day. Getting up and out for nursery helped me so much.

Mine started about 6 weeks before his sister arrived. It was a godsend. I got to catch up on sleep and could (eventually) go to classes with DD once restrictions eased and DS gets two full days a week where he gets to play all day, paint, playdoh, run round for hours.... He wasn't going to get that with a post C-section mum and a new baby in tow. There's obviously an adjustment period but having a new baby is like that anyway so you might as well just go all in as far as I'm concerned.

All the mum's I know keep the older child in nursery when they're on mat leave with second/third babies so apart from the settling in period there's no real difference there imo.

Some ridiculously judgemental comments here. OP, it is completely fine to worry about how you will manage two small children. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have fallen pregnant.

I agree that nursery isn’t necessary for their development, so if your primary motive is that, I wouldn’t bother. It is however, completely fine to send her so you can have some time with just your newborn . My DS does two days a week at nursery as we both work and I would 100% leave him in nursery those 2 days should I have another maternity leave. I do have to say, it’s a bit like groundhog day with the amount of coughs and colds he manages to pick up over 2 days though 😬

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy.

The timing isn’t great
I would start her earlier if possible or wait for a couple of months after the baby is here

I’m due DC2 next month also and have a just turned 2 year old.

I don’t know why you’re getting bashed by PPs for worrying about looking after both of them full time. I have the same concerns, looking after a newborn baby and a full-on toddler is tough. Two year olds have a lot of energy and want to be doing things all day and that’s hard when you’ve been up all night with a baby.

My DD is already at nursery so it’s a little easier for us, she’s full time at the moment and will be dropping down to 3 days when my mat leave starts which feels like a good balance for us. I wanted to make it manageable whilst also making sure she gets some time with me and baby and doesn’t feel totally pushed out.

What are your main concerns? That your DD1 might find it hard to settle? I guess the timing isn’t ideal as she might associate starting nursery with the baby arriving and feeling pushed out. How many days a week are you planning for her to go?

Tough one. Timing isn't great. It's two big changes for your dd1 to deal with. Her world will be turned upside down with the arrival of your dd2 plus her daily routine that she's come to know will also change overnight as she deals with being in a nursery setting instead of being home with you. You might be worried about dealing with a newborn and toddler at home all day but I think you're in for a tough time dealing with a newborn and an overwhelmed toddler when not at nursery.

I would stagger the changes for your dd1 and delay nursery. It will be tough looking after 2 in those early months but I think from your dd1's perspective it will be the easier transition to get used to these bug changes in her little life.

Also, unless your partner can do the nursery drop offs and get your 2 year old sorted each morning, I think you will find getting a 2 year old up, dressed, fed and out the door for nursery a huge faff when you have a newborn and all you want to do it stay home in your pj's! And to be honest, even if your partner can do all that, your dd1 will likely want you to do it anyway because that's what's she's used to.

I’d send her.

There is plenty that children don’t need, but it doesn’t mean there is no benefit at all to it.

I think newborns are pretty full on and it gives you some downtime which is very important.

I’m concerned you’re worried about caring for 2 children yet decided to have 2?

@ComeonJulia are you concerned, or did you just want to have a pop? Of course looking after two small children is difficult, don’t be so sanctimonious.

Both my DC were in nursery from 6 months (I work FT and couldn’t afford any more mat leave) and both were absolutely fine. That said, babies tend to adjust to change fairly easily so there could be a bit of an adjustment period for your DC. Are there other activities DC1 could do without you in the short term to get used to it?

Depends how close. The same week then yes that would be a problem. If about six weeks in between babies arrival and nursery starting then that gives her time to adjust to the baby coming before going off to nursery. I can see why you want to send her - a break for yourself and for stimulation you might not be able to give her while you're trying to care for a newborn.

Thank you everyone. DD1 can’t start earlier as they only take from 2yo. I’ll talk to the nursery about the start date.
It’s not that I don’t want 2 babies! It’s the juggling I’m worried about in the first few weeks of DD2 arriving.

Send her! She'll likely have a great time. Homestly the anti nursery brigade only exists on MN.