being apart from dd for the 1st time

[mindy26]

DD is now 9 weeks old and i still havent been apart from her yet and dont want to be, thing is dp is starting to think i dont trust him to look after her, and he has arranged nights out for us in dec and has asked his mum to babysit, i am totally dreading it, is this normal, i know eventually i will have to leave her at some point byt the thought of it makes me feel sick, any advice???

I don't blame you. I couldn't leave dd until she was a year old. Luckily I breastfed and I always had an excuse

I felt like this too
I didn't have any pressure from anyone which may have made it easier to actually leave her in the end
I think you have to really think that it will be a good idea at some point but dont do it under pressure

When I left gecko for the first time she was only 5 weeks (I had a cinema party to go to for my eldest) and I left her with one of my closest friends ever, she was only about 5 mins away from me and I KNEW that my friend would care for her the way I want her to be cared for.

gecko was fine and happy, it was me that spent nearly every minyte panicking about her lol

It's normal not to want to leave them but your little tiny bundle of scrumptiousness will be fine with someone else who you trust

DH and I first went out when dd was about 3 months old and his parents babysat. We went for quite an early meal and literally just ate and were home by 9!

Do you get on well with his mum? Can you talk to her about how anxious you are? Don't worry about leaving specific instructions for her. She may have had children before and blah blah blah but you know your baby best and you know what your limits are in terms of her crying/staying in routine/feeds etc. My mil and mum have both been great about taking instructions!!

I felt like it was good for dd to get used to being with other people (she's very easy going though) but to be honest if you really don't want to leave her yet then don't.

I think DS was about 12 weeks old when I left him - but in the evening safely asleep under the care of DH. I still don't go out a huge amount (DS is 16 months) although this is mainly down to knackeredness...

I think when they are this small it is perfectly natural to not want to leave them - simple biology!

If you don't feel comfortable tell DP NO. It is completly understandable that at 9 weeks you don't want to leave her.

Can you just say you don't feel ready yet but you are happy for DP to go out if he is worried that he is not going to get out at all over christmas.

And it makes a real difference being happy with the person who is babysitting. The first time that DH & I went out together was for my birthday, so DS must have been over 6 months. We left him with my parents and I felt completely certain that they would look after him in a way that I was happy with.

9 weeks is still really tiny... do what you're comfortable with

I remember when DD was about 5 weeks my Mum sent me out of the house - I went to the supermarket and got tearful whenever I saw another Mum and baby! DD is 5 months now and I was meant to be out having a meal with friends - but she's poorly so am home listening to the baby monitor cos I know I wouldn't enjoy myself.

i get on really well with MIL and know she would look after dd really well, i am bf tho and iv only just stopped giving her bottle last feed at night and dont really want to start again, he 1st suggested his mum have her overnight but i think he knew by the look on my face that was never gonna happen, i feel silly cos ive even been putting off going to get my hair cut cos i dont want to leave her.

You obviously don't feel the need for a night out or time away from your dd, which is perfectly normal of course! But perhaps your dh is desperate to spend a bit of time with you that's not dominated by babies? I know I had to be persuaded by my dp in the same circumstances, and I tried to understand that he'd kinda lost his dp for several months & wanted a bit of attention - after all, dd is the product of your love! (cheesy, but true). Maybe compromise with what you can feel comfortable with for his sake? And you never know, you might just enjoy yourself a little bit If you can't, don't, but try to explain to your dh who in all honesty doesn't get it!
That pull lessens as they get older, and it won't always feel this hard. I felt physically uncomfortable leaving ds2 for several months & had to be persuaded.

trust your instincts, really, trust them. wait till you're ready to leave her, and explain to your dh that it's not anything personal, it's just how you feel right now. one day soon you will be ready for anight out without her, and you'll know when that day comes. it's still really early days remember.

he really does fid it hard to understand as his sister has just had twins and her and her dp were going out after about 4 weeks and all im getting is "but my sister done it so how cant you" to which i reply im not your sister,

Message withdrawn

How annoying to be compared to dp's sister. Of course we are all different. Tell him he is lucky - he could be married to me! We have never had a babysitter and been out together past dd's bedtime of 8 pm (she's now 2.5).

So no you're definitely not odd.

PS - when dd was a non-mobile baby I took her to the hairdresser's with me.

mindy, if your dp is feeling that you can't trust him to look after your dd, then clearly you need to listen to him. It can't be a nice feeling for him.Sounds as though what you need is not so much MIL babysitting, as a night out for YOU with your dp looking after dd. He is an equal parent to you!